Apart from having a Bachelor Degree in Petroleum Engineering, the reason I would like to study Master's in Petroleum Engineering is because I am concerned about the condition of oil and gas production in Indonesia. While having 3 billion barrel of oil reserves in 2013, Indonesia is still struggling to produce sufficient amount of oil to cover the national oil demand which is more than 1 million barrel per year. Indonesia can only produce approximately 0.8 million barrel annually. Thus, Indonesia is always forced to import the oil and the need of importing oil has increased in the past recent years as a result of economic growth.
I can observe that Indonesia is having a great potential of oil production. Somehow, the country is still lack of advanced technology that can allow better production, which are both optimized amount of oil produced and less total cost required. By taking Master's of Engineering Science in Petroleum, I would like to study how Indonesia can have the advanced technology required in order to produce oil and gas more effectively and efficiently. Once the country can produce oil and gas with improved amount and less cost spent, due to the advanced technology that will have been used, there will be significant increase in the economic growth in Indonesia.
In terms of choosing the institution, I had gained information of higher institutions in Australia by visiting an Australia education fair in Jakarta. Through that event, I was informed that institutions that offer Petroleum Engineering for Masters Degree were University of New South Wales (UNSW), University of Queensland (UQ) and University of Adelaide. Somehow, University of Adelaide is offered for people who do not have Petroleum Engineering background.
I also performed research in the internet about the course of Petroleum Engineering offered by these two universities, the requirements to apply and other important information. Based on QS World University Rankings, both UNSW and UQ are among the top 50 universities in the world. At which engineering is one of the best faculties in both universities. Moreover, after studying the course guidelines that I obtained from the internet, I felt quite confident about my choice of institutions. Because the subjects offered are specifically relevant for my background of study as well as my future goals as a petroleum engineer. That is why I prefer to study Masters of Petroleum Engineering either at the University of New South Wales or the University of Queensland.
It is a pleasure to be working with you today. Reading your essay was quite motivating. I like the fact that you want to continue your studies to impact your country as a whole.
Although I like your essay, I feel like it's divided in two parts: The reason why you chose this degree and school. What I would recommend is uniting both answers together. For example, in your thesis statement, which is at the end of the first paragraph, write why you chose this degree and about the school you chose. This will help the reader a lot.
I have an example thesis here: "I want to impact the world by developing technologies that will enhance Indonesia's oil production, and University of Queensland will allow me to accomplish that goal. " Do you see how you have both answers in this thesis statement? What will follow are the two paragraphs, which you already have.
Now, I have a comment on the reasons you chose the school/s. Personally, your reasons are too vague. Anyone could have written your same answer. I would like you to spend some time to do research on both of these schools that you chose. What kind of program do they offer that will allow you to finish your career as a Petroleum Engineer? What do both of these schools have that appeals to you? Are the schools making an impact in any way? Think of reasons why you chose both of these schools. It will strengthen your essay even more.
As a final thought, I want to add the importance of a final and concluding paragraph/sentence. Do not leave your essay open like you did on this essay. Instead, write something unique or what you hope to learn or accomplish. Tie your ideas back together so the reader has an understanding of who you are.
I hope I was able to help. :-)
Juan Sebastian Rubio Lopez