Hi everyone!
It is my first post in this forum, so I really appreciate the help! English is not my native language, so i hope that some of you will take time and read my essay. Feel free to suggest any changes.
Here is the assignment instruction:
Write a clear and detailed description of your study/research objectives, and give your reasons for wanting to pursue them. Be specific about your major field and your specialized interests within this field. Describe the kind of program you expect to undertake, and explain how your study plan fits in with your previous training and your future objectives. This statement is an essential part of your application and is required. Do not mention specific U.S. universities at which you would like to study.
Thanks in advance!
I am hoping to complete a Master's degree program in the U.S in order to gain more proficiency and professional standing in my major. Spring 2015 I will finish my Bachelor's degree in Petroleum Engineering and would like to further specialize in CO2 injection as an Enhanced Oil Recovery (EOR) method. This way we can provide global energy supply in potentially a climate neutral way. CO2 injecting is a tertiary recovery, with which we can extend the field life, recover more oil and increase the profitability of the field. Both XXX and Unites States want to reduce the emission of greenhouse gasses like CO2. That means that by using CO2 as an injection gas, significant amounts of CO2 can be stored in the reservoirs.
In recent years there has been concerned of accelerating accumulation of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. By injecting CO2, we can store the gas in the reservoir and produce more oil to the surface. In that case we can meet worlds energy needs by use greenhouse gas in our favour. By performing several experiments and numerical simulations, we can determine how parameters such as fractures, initial water and wettability can affect oil production. Universities in the U.S have advanced facilities with equipment that are not available at the XXX That will allow me to do the research and thesis the best way possible. Not have they their own petroleum department with excellent laboratories, but they also have alliance like STORE that promotes better understanding of CO2 sequestration science. It will also give me an insight studying in a foreign country and since I am very familiar with adapting new cultures, I believe my multicultural background will be beneficial in my future career.
Gas injections account for nearly 60 percent of EOR production in the Unites States, therefore I believe it will be beneficial for me to take my graduate program overseas. Then I will get an opportunity to work and learn from people who have expertise in CO2 injection. XXX petroleum sector is located offshore, meanwhile in U.S you can find it both on- and offshore. Furthermore, there are still no experience with CO2 injection in large offshore oilfields, while United States has more than 30 years experience with CO2 injection onshore. Therefore, taking a graduate program in the U.S will help me to gain more in-depth knowledge in this field of study and also hopefully make an impact on society by finding solutions to global energy issues.
The program I am hoping to undertake when studying in an American university will broaden my horizons, develop my personality and mean a lot for my professional aspirations. In addition many universities offer interesting courses like "Drilling" and "Well logging" that unfortunately is not offered at the XXX. After finishing my master degree I plan to build an international career in the petroleum field and it is also not impossible that I will plan to go further and take a PhD. I love the fact that studying in the U.S will allow me to combine classroom tuition, experimental research and development of own thesis. The result can be used to further research and flood testing in different reservoirs. I am sure I will be a diligent student who will try to do her best. To have a career in natural science has been a dream for so long, that is has become a life goal. I am ready to take challenges in a stride and perhaps make tough choices, because I believe no one has ever achieved their ambitions by taking an easy way out.
Hi. Firstly, welcome to the forum. Hope the helps you get hear would help you make a better impression with your essays .
1. This way we can provide - I believe using I instead of we would make better sense. Otherwise, it seems like a grammatical error though it is not.
2. concerned concerns of about accelerating accumulation
3. by use using greenhouse gas
4. thesis -in- the best way possible. + You DO NOT DO thesis. You develop them.
5. Not -only - have they their own
6. Then this way I will get an
7. while -the- United States
8. hopefully -helps me to- make an impact on society
9. and mean also it means a lot for my professional aspirations.
10. result can be used to for further research
11. tough choices, because - comma must be eliminated
I am not an expert in writing graduate essays; however, at the first of your essay I felt like you were digressing a little from the main point of the essay. The details were so specific about the field that the real point which was YOUR REASON, YOUR ASPIRATION, YOUR GOAL was lost in the descriptions. If this much detail is not necessary, just eliminate some.
Thank you so much for your answer. Do you think i should just delete some facts about CO2 or replace it with more personal information? I am also writing a personal statement, so i feel i have already explained a lot about my past and how i developed my interest for natural science.
Btw, do you think i should rewrite that sentence? Or is it ok?
"The program I am hoping to undertake when studying in an American university will broaden my horizons, develop my personality and also will mean a lot for my professional aspirations.
