Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Scholarship   % width Posts: 3

Gilman Scholarship: Why I want to Study Abroad in Seoul Essay


mvlasuro 1 / -  
Feb 26, 2014   #1
Hello, it's been a long time since I have wrote an essay. I need grammar help. Any help is good! Thanks!
_________________________________________________________________ ___________________

I grew up with a strong will to fight for my goals and make my dreams come true. No pain no gain. I am a first generation Hmong American college student. I grew up in a low income family, where I watched both of my parents work hard to raise my four siblings and me. Seeing my parent's hardship has only made me more determine to do better for myself. I want to grasp onto any great opportunity open to me and studying abroad is one of them. I have always been fascinated by the Korean culture and history. I have been expose to the Korean culture at a young age and as I grew up, the fascination of the Korean culture stayed with me. I fell in love with the Korean culture, the art and architecture, tradition, history, music, fashion, food, and linguistics. I was introduced to Korean period dramas at a young age and the beauty of historian architecture and traditional clothes, hanbok, brings me desire to want to learn more about the culture. The mix of modernization and tradition in Korea is definitely a plus for my study abroad. Seoul is full of the old and the new from landmarks, culture, and technology.

I am a Graphic Design and Asian Studies major at California State University, Chico. I have chosen Seoul, South Korea as my destination to study abroad in Fall 2014. South Korea is the best location for my studies of Asian Studies. Seoul is a place full of wonder with pop culture, tradition and history. I will be studying at Yonsei University, one of the top schools in South Korea. This study abroad program will also fulfill my courses for my Bachelor of Asian Studies degree. This will be an incredible chance for me to gain more education, knowledge, explore and adapt to a different lifestyle. It is the perfect balance of being exposed to the culture first handed, learning the language and field trip opportunities to visit historical landmarks.

I am going for one semester in Fall from August until December 2014. I plan to take 18 credits, five to six courses. The courses will consist of an intensive language course and cultural studies of modern pop culture and society to history and tradition courses. I will be taking an intensive Beginning to Korean course along with Korean grammar to have a better understanding of the language structurally and learning the basics. The Korean language also falls in the critical need language in America and the Gilman scholarship. Yonsei provides a diverse program with its desire to expand the Korean culture to international students. The program also provides me a friendly organization on campus call International Buddies Program for better interaction between international and Korean students. This will give me a great opportunity to practice the language and be more exposed to Korea rather than through textbooks and lectures. The program will provide trips and events that I will be able to get a chance to travel on a field trip to visit historical landmarks such as Changdeokgung Palace, the National Museum of Korea, and surrounding areas around Han River. I will be able to attend and experience as much Korean culture related events on campus and off campus events. If I am able, I would love to explore Seoul and its surrounding cities more, with train trips to visit more historical landmarks such as the kimchi land, the Demilitarized Zone, Jeju Island and many more wonderful trips filled with beauty scenery and tasty food.

Although there aren't any courses provided for my Graphic Design major, Seoul is full of artsy inspiration. Seoul has become such a youthful and trendy place to be inspired in art and music. This will greatly inspire me in my graphic design major, too. One of my goals for the future is to create physical or digital photography books about Asian countries. This trip will definitely inspire me to start my collection of work early. I am looking forward to visit art galleries, museums, lectures and public openings for graphic and art related. I long to travel in South Korea and be inspired by their many free Korean events and art museums aimed for the artistic and designers.

In this program, I will also be able to house in a dorm full of other international students too. This is another great way to be expose to other culture and meet long lasting friends from other parts of the world. The program will provide a dorm for double or single rooms, cafeteria, library, and gym. Access to the student facilities. The familiarity, convenience and security of Yonsei University environment will be helpful for me to adapt to Korea as a college student.

I am in financial needs. Scholarships are my only source of funding. I do currently have a work study job at Chico State but being a student who lives away from their parent, I do have bills to pay, too. I save enough money to help me survive. I am qualify for financial aid but my Pell Grant won't be going through for the USAC program. Receiving the Gilman scholarship would help make it possible for me to pay for the program cost and any other costs. Being able to get this opportunity to study abroad is a great example of the opportunities education will give back to me. This experience will be a valuable addition to my resume and future reference.

I want to study abroad because it's the best way to learn a new language, an opportunity to travel and explore areas surrounding Yonsei University to know more about the Korean's culture. I will be able to experience another culture's way of life first-hand. I want to know more about the Korean's culture by valuing their beliefs and way of life. Not only is study abroad a great way to travel but the best way to make friends around the world. The experience will strengthen my values and new ideas and perspectives will definitely help me open up to new subjects for employment opportunities and conversational topics. I would want to become more suitable to international related careers by learning another language. My experience in living and studying in a foreign country, negotiating with another country and learning another language will set me apart from other job applicants.

Traveling comes with many challenges and responsibility. This is an amazing opportunity for me, as a senior and soon to be graduate, to learn more about myself and what I would want to do with my life after college. It is a great way for me to open a new road for me to take. I know I would return as a stronger person and I know I can handle the challenges that will come my way.

ChristineB - / 108 55  
May 9, 2015   #2
Hello. Here are a few suggestions for you:

No pain no gain.

I would write it like this:"No pain, no gain," I like to say.

Seeing my parent's hardship has only made me more determine to do better for myself.

You should changed "determine" to "determined"

I want to grasp onto any great opportunity open to me and studying abroad is one of them.

Try saying it like this: I want to take advantage of every opportunity I can, and studying abroad is one of them.

I have been expose to the Korean culture at a young age and as I grew up, the fascination of the Korean culture stayed with me

Try this: I have been exposed to the Korean culture from a young age; this fascination has grown with time.

I fell in love with the Korean culture, the art and architecture, tradition, history, music, fashion, food, and linguistics.

I fell in love with all aspects of Korean culture: art, architecture, tradition...

I was introduced to Korean period dramas at a young age and the beauty of historian architecture and traditional clothes, hanbok, brings me desire to want to learn more about the culture.

My longstanding love of Korean period dramas and fashion has instilled in me a desire to learn more about the country's culture.

I hope that has helped you a little bit!
ChristineB - / 108 55  
May 10, 2015   #3
OK, I'm back to work on your piece a little more. Am I right that this essay was written in the past, and you are now hoping to revise it? I am a little confused about the dates. In any case, here are my suggested changes:

___________________

The mix of modernization and tradition in Korea is definitely a plus for my study abroad. Seoul is full of the old and the new from landmarks, culture, and technology.

I don't think the second sentence adds much. Try this to make these sentences sound even better:The mix of old traditions and modern enhancements make South Korea an ideal place to study abroad.

___________________

I am a Graphic Design and Asian Studies major at California State University, Chico.

Try this to make this sound smoother:I am majoring in graphic design and Asian studies at California State University, Chico.

___________________

I have chosen Seoul, South Korea as my destination to study abroad in Fall 2014. South Korea is [...]

I want to help make all of this flow better, while still retaining your meaning. I am operating under the assumption that you have been attending this university, and are now asking for the scholarship. Here are my suggestions:I enrolled at South Korea's Yonsei University for the 2014 fall semester, and am working toward a Bachelor's of Asian Studies degree. As expected, I have thoroughly enjoyed being immersed in a new culture while pursuing my education. The experience of learning a new language, visiting historic landmarks in person, and meeting new people has been very rewarding.

_____________________

I'll try to do more later. I hope this has helped you!


Home / Scholarship / Gilman Scholarship: Why I want to Study Abroad in Seoul Essay