Hi, I have a final draft of my personal statement ready and would like to receive some criticism/comments regarding the same.
The essay is judged upon the points added below:
o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.
Thank you for the feedback.
As a human, we strive for knowledge, we observe the world surrounding us and we grow through it. Education, thus, has always remained a top priority for me. I decided to learn through experiencing different cultures and societies. Korean popular culture has been a main element of my research in my practice of art. With an excellent visual arts and communications industry, booming with potential, Korea has always been a place of interest for me and applying for GKS gives me the opportunity to enhance my theoretical knowledge in my field of expertise and improve my research.
My personal research begins with the basic understanding of Humanities through subjects such as psychology, philosophy, and history, which created a foundation for my knowledge in Contemporary arts vis a vis social culture of my birth country, India. As a Fine Art major, I heavily relied upon my previous knowledge which helped shape my dissertation; through the same, I extensively discussed beauty standards, understanding of aesthetics, and art in relation to the social norms and cultures of the two different countries that I have resided in.
It is mainly the opportunity to travel and gain new experiences that excites me the most. As an artist, I observed people as they go on about their daily lives. I studied faces, expressions, behaviour, and quirks of people that helped them expresses themselves as an individual and I used it as a basis for my art practice. Seeing as people are products of the society, I firmly believe that one's interests and art is constantly shaped and re-shaped by their ever-changing social surroundings. Having said that, I would like to study in Korea and see how the socio-cultural environment impacts my art. This would be a good opportunity to see both how my art is influenced by my new surroundings, and in turn, how my art being introduced into someone else's surroundings influences or is received by them.
Being influenced by the Hallyu wave early on impacted my art, which led to my philosophy in the first place. What was notable, however, was that despite it not being in my immediate environment, I tended to incorporate trending Korean aesthetics into my art work. Considering this, I would like to find how shifting that source of influence into a more immediate environment would impact my art.
I would also be bringing with me the Indian culture into a Korean environment, thus allowing for an exchange of culture and exploring this inter-cultural interaction would not only benefit my study and future researches, but also invite a sort of dialogue between the two with respect to aesthetic influence and art cultures.
Three years of education in England helped me study the post-colonial relationship of England with my country artistically and socially. Observing my interactions with people of various backgrounds via sharing an interest in popular culture even helped me not only connect with them, but also allowed for a deeper understanding of both my native and foreign societies being affected by the nuances of popular culture. My interest in languages also let me experience cross-cultural inferences.
The impact of various cultures on me both personally and artistically is of a great magnitude. It is a phenomena I would like to further explore with the opportunity to study in Korea, Korea being a cultural space that highly influenced my understandings and studies of aesthetic and beauty. As seen by the ever-changing popular trends, Korea's culture has a dynamic nature. To be able to study this phenomena so closely would not only broaden my horizons and enhance my experiences, but also let me dip my feet into a pool of opportunities. Being able to experience the exchange of Indian and Korean cultures in my art on a stronger level through this scholarship would also allow me to practice my philosophy on a larger scale. Thus, this scholarship would let me give back to the Korean culture, the very culture that gave so much to me over the years aesthetically.
Rasika, you have a tendency to include irrelevant information in this draft. There are specific sets of information that you must provide. Points of information that the reviewer will be specifically interested in. These are also the only information required in the presentation. As I read this essay, I came to the opinion that you need to revise it through the removal of excess and non-required statements so that you can create a short but informative essay which, based on the space provided for the discussion, will come in handy for this application.
Please revise the essay to include only the following information from this draft (based on paragraph numbering) ; 1,2,3,4,6,7. Rearrange it into the following presentation positions: 6, 2,3,4,7. When you revise the essay, make sure to allow for equal discussion to the educational background and professional background. You are too focused on the reasons for your study in Korea and its relevance to your art that you are neglecting the other important information. Showing you are a Korean fanatic in the essay will not assure you of winning the scholarship.
Since you are applying through the university track, you have to include a discussion regarding the reasons you chose the university in relation to your interest in Korean art / Hallyu. That is one of the required information for all university applicants. You cannot convince the reviewer that you chose the right university and you can perform well as a student there if you cannot connect your previous education with your new academic goals that led you to the decision to apply to this university. Include that in the revised essay presentation as well.