Is this essay good enough to apply for a GKS U scholarship?
Being born and growing in developing countries made me want to study abroad and innovate for sectors in Indonesia, especially in business and economics. The developed country also driven from the economy and education sectors. In one country it is an important sector, where many business leaders include Micro Small and Medium Enterprise (MSME), which makes me want to study directly in Korea and innovate for the education, business and economic system in Indonesia especially MSME. Seeing that this scholar is consistent with my vision and mission. I developed myself in Korea with this program than can help to realize my ideas and plans to be Minister of Education or a Minister of Finance. It comes out of comfort zones by studying abroad, with a competitive atmosphere like in Korea makes me want to study In Korea. In Indonesia the advanced technology atmosphere is not fully felt yet, so I want to live and study in a country that has advanced technology atmosphere like Korea. Apart from the atmosphere learning Korean with local people improved my Korean a lot.
My father worked for government in information technology, while my mother worked for government in commerce and industry. I had a younger sister. Raised by wonderful parents, my sister and I were always courteous to others. My father inspired me to always study, reach goals and contribute to the development of the country. Although my father had daughters, he wanted his children to be great people. For my personality, I'm a hard person to trust and it just seems like I'm not open to people at the end keeping my own emotions bottled up inside, which is definitely not good, with an expert counseling so I can venture to open up to others. My environment agrees that if I am a perfectionist, everything must be structured including planning for the future. At times it wears me out and makes me think negatively, but I have controlled it since I was counseling with psychologist. In addition to formal education, I am taking courses in school subject, short courses for Korean langauge, economic training courses, and online seminars about mental health and study in Korea. Some of my friends suggested that I take an extracurricular wall magazine design because they saw that I had the potential for drawing. But I had no desire to enter the art world, so I decide to join the economic club. The economic club at the school was established for students who wanted to participate in the Economic Olympics, although I had not been given the opportunity because of the pandemic, but I had learned a lot of lessons and experiences.
From the club of economics, of course I learned about economics, discussed practical matters, discussed problems in Indonesia and we discussed a lot of life plan too. I also follow part-time volunteers online, sharing the campaign in media social, the campaign I share on mental health issues. Children my age are quite susceptible to mental health problems, so I would like to help by volunteering, with me volunteering and sharing the campaign, and many people will be aware of mental health. It changed my perspective to always doing good to others. It brought something positive to my life. I also follow the United Nation model, practicing as a diplomat representing Indonesia.
After I joined the economics club, I was also appointed by the school to take the economics and geography Olympics exams. I sacrifice my recess with my friends to study in the library. Both trials were held in anadjacent time, so it took me a lot of time to study the two subjects. From that experience I learned time management. One pressured me to take the courage to list this program, namely the Indoneisan Minister of Education, Mr. Nadiem Anwar Makariem. He is the person I have made the role model, the reason I have made him an role model is at a young age he got a master's degree at Harvard University. He encourage me to be like him, to realize my dream and contribute to this country. I also met my orphan friends, from my meetings with my orphaned. Friends opening my eyes to education, they had dreams just as big as mine. This encouraged me to become a great person and to provide educational facilities for my orphaned friends to continue going to school. When I become a Minister of Education or a Minister of Finance, I will be able to innovate in the Indonesia education for finance curriculum. Following college activities, I can volunteering in campus. My contribution was also in the form of opening scholarships for Indonesian children. Activities outside the study, I will follow the organization in Indonesia Embassy in korea or KOFICE.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 This essay is confusing to read due to grammatical inaccuracies. Though the essay does its best to respond to the previous prompt requirements, it is too simple in writing and not competitive enough in terms of academic experience and competitiveness. While the sincerity in writing is evident, the essay needs more information build up of the relevant kind. It fails to excite and entice the reader. Yes, there is plenty of room for improvement in this presentation, it will not be advisable to correct the essay until the new writing requirements have been released for the September application season. Thin essay maybe setaside for now and used as a draft once the new writing requirements have been made public. If there are no charges to the written prompts, then improvements may be applied to the content of this essay, but not before then.
