Global Korea Scholarship application essay
Hi everyone, I'm going to apply for the Global Korea Scholarship for Graduate Program this year. I would be grateful if you guys could give feedback to my Personal Statement.
o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.
When people think about cities, they think about the buildings, the streets, skyscrapers, or noisy vehicles. But for me, cities are fundamentally for people. Where people go, where people meet, and where people do their activities are the core of what a make cities works. Therefore, even important than skyscraper buildings and the hustling bustling vehicles in a city are the public spaces and the streets. Lively and enjoyable public spaces and streets are the keys to making a city alive. As a developing country, Indonesia cities have just started giving attention to a more humanized city development by campaigning and encouraging more walkable street corridors and enjoyable public spaces development. This shapes my future goal to develop myself to become a specialist in the field of city public spaces and streets designer. For me, being a city planner and designer meant being able to truly change the city that I lived in and loved. At this point, the Korean Government Scholarship Program will enable me to learn more about how to create lively and enjoyable city public spaces and streets in South Korea that have a walkable city development policy so that I could implement it in Indonesia cities. Yonsei University has offered courses and actively conducted research focusing on urban design which will help me to achieve my goal by giving an opportunity. I believe that KGSP will be once in a lifetime opportunity for me to learn deeply about my field of study as well as serving as a bridge to reach my future goal.
In my undergraduate study at the Sepuluh Nopember Institute of Technology where I obtained a degree in Urban and Regional Planning in the year 2018, I have the chance to be able to join a student exchange program for one semester at Dankook University, South Korea. During that time, most of my days were spent walking around the city of Seoul. Walking there was pleasurable as I was able to enjoy and sense the feeling that I experience while walking that I couldn't acquire in my country. This encouraged me to write my undergraduate thesis about how a street is used and perceived by the citizens as a public space in the city of Surabaya, Indonesia. Throughout the thesis writing process, my interest in public spaces grew stronger that I would like to better master it through attending the Urban Planning Engineering Graduate Program at Yonsei University, South Korea. The graduate program will provide me hands-on training on a particular area of specializations and professional practices I need to effectively become a professional in the planning profession.
Studying in Korea, I believe, is a way to support my academic knowledge to achieve my future goal. The city of Seoul has been through rapid development and growth over the decades and will still be growing in the future. The 2030 Seoul plan and implementation that have been established and executed by the Seoul Metropolitan Government, I believe could become a solid source of practical and direct learning material to fulfill my study aspirations in the complement of the theoretical study that I would obtain from the in-class study at the university. In addition, as Korean cultures have been widely exposed in the past decades, I have become a connoisseur for Korean cultures that also sparks my interest to embrace the cultural exchange at the same time as I obtain my education degree. I believe my previous study abroad experience in Korea has prepared me to overcome the cultural challenges I will face during the program. I also look forward to the first year of language and cultural training as it compliments my education and personal aspirations.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 There is a strong sense of your connection to Korea in this essay. One of the strongest points of this essay is how you established that you are familiar with the educational system, being a foreign student in the country once before. You may want to play up your Hangul skills in this essay. Just to help further convince the reviewer of your strong Korean connection. A reference to your previous TOPIK score will also further boost your consideration as a contender for the scholarship. Since you are applying via university track, you should highlight the specific programs of the university in relation to Urban Planning that you feel will help better your current skills as an urban planner. Actually, that is the one part of this essay that is under represented.
Try to better discuss your current skills as an urban planner. Work experience in relation to your current research on the given topic will help further increase the interest in your application. Make sure to represent how you have hopes of basing your new urban designs on the Korean model, something you hope to learn from the university. If possible, discuss more about how the 2030 Seoul plan further influenced your motivation to go to Korea to study. Imply how you hope to set up a similar plan in Indonesia after you complete the course. That should help to better establish the work relationship in relation to the GKS program.
Again, this is already a good essay. It just needs further enhancements through the addition of information that will better establish your Korean relationship and interests.
@Holt
I do consider highlighting the programs that the university offer, however, the program website is only provided in Korean which I have hard times to find such information since my Korean is not advanced yet and using translator might not so accurate which could lead to misinformation. Also, my current work experience, though still in urban planning fields, is not related to urban design or major that I desire to take so that's why I didn't include it in my essay, or should I just include it? I might probably emphasize more on my academic experience and relate it with the 2030 Seoul plan as you said.
Anyway, thank you very much for your kind feedback!
