Hi everyone! In 2021, I'm going to apply GKS-G Scholarship. Would you please help me to check my essay for Global Korea Scholarship? I need someone to reviewing and giving comments to my essay. I really appreciate for your time to reviewing my request. Thank you in advance.
GKS-G Scholarship application
I always believe that quality education will also improve the quality of our life. And a good quality of life will make the quality of the country even better. That's why I have a goal of getting quality education in various ways. One of them is through scholarships.
I accomplished my study on English Literature for four year, and gained a bachelor degree in August 2019 from Universitas Dian Nuswantoro with GPA 3.64/4.00. As the requirement for my undergraduate degree, I conducted research in a literature field.
Before finishing my thesis in 2019, in 2017 I was given the opportunity to attend a student exchange program to Kangwon National University. Those times are the most beautiful and full of learning time of my life. In my opinion, the teaching system in South Korea can encourage students to learn and apply their knowledge directly in the society.
As far as I know, South Korea has the best education system in Asia. It proves by many South Korean graduates who have succeeded in various world industries. Supported by qualified teachers and various majors, I think choosing South Korea as a destination country for studying is the right choice. I also like the attitude and work ethic of the people of South Korea as a developed country. In my opinion, the educational environment in South Korea teaches students to being full of challenges and independence.
Even though I took a major in English Literature for my undergraduate degree, I was always interested in learning things related to Global Studies. The reasons I majored in Global Studies is because I am interested in studying how the world works together in an international scope. That's why I decided to work in a place that supports me in learning about it.
I am currently working as a staff at the Bureu of Collaboration and International Affairs, Universitas Nuswantoro. In this place I learn and develop international communication skills, international cooperation skills and public policies. While working at Bureu of Collaboration and International Affairs, Universitas Dian Nuswantoro, I have handled various domestic and international collaborations. Some examples are that I played a role in the process of renewing the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) of Dian Nuswantoro University with the University of Malaya (Malaysia), renewal of the MOU of Universitas Dian Nuswantoro with Universiti Teknikal Malaysia Melaka (Malaysia), cooperation agreement of Universitas Dian Nuswantoro with National Yunlin University of Science and Technology (Taiwan), cooperation agreement of Universitas Dian Nuswantoro with Tampere University (Finland), cooperation agreement of Universitas Dian Nuswantoro with Comenius University in Bratislava (Slovakia), Independence Learning Policy Program offers between Universitas Dian Nuswantoro and Rangsit University (Thailand) and Woosong University (South Korea). I learned how to offer cooperation between universities, audiences, finding suitable study programs between universities, and many more.
After working there, I feel like I'm ready to take the next step in my life, which was to learn more about the field I was working on. The experience from the job further motivated me to pursue a Masters degree in Korea, to make this field as my area of expertise.
Studying a Masters degree in Global Studies Area, with the Global Korea Scholarship, will help me achieve my career goals and enhance intellectual skills that I won't be able to find anywhere else. I want to try this golden opportunity because I believe studying in South Korea can help provide a good quality education for my future career. I believe that my provision to study in South Korea is enough to get me this valuable opportunity.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Your motivation is not helpful to your application. You refer to only having quality education as a way to improve your life. Specifically, improving your education through scholarships, thus improving your life in the process. The only people who speak that way in application essays are professional students who have turned scholarship application and studying into their career. Earning money through scholarships and living day to day through scholarship allowances and housing programs. That is not the image you want to portray for yourself in the eyes of the reviewer. Better rephrase that section.
You have failed to show that you have the skills required for research, investigation, and thesis writing. Simply mentioning your thesis is not going to qualify your talents and skills in the interest of the masters course.
Develop the Korea interest through a better discussion of the time you spent in South Korea and how you lived there. How you developed as a person based on Korean influence would be a nice touch. Avoid statements such as "As far as I know" and "I think..." these make you appear uncertain of your application. Those phrases remove the convincing power of your statement. Uncertainty means you might even change your mind about your GKS application in the end.
Hello,
I would recommend you to explain why your studies are relevant to your research. Also, I couldn't find any relationship between your goal and the benefits of doing it in Korea. You need to remember that the government will invest in your studies in order to receive something back from you.
Good luck!
Hello! In my opinion "As far as I know, South Korea (...) " is not a good motivation. Every applicant applies because they have good education, it is quite a boring reason, instead of that I suggest you to say why studying specifically this major in Korea is important for you. What Korea offers you other than other countries. Also you should mention how you can use this education to create links between your country and Korea
