Hello everyone, a few days ago I uploaded here my Personal Statement hoping for getting some feedback to improve my letter. I'm back again looking for your help to get some feedback now on my Statement of Purpose, here what they are asking me for is the following:
- Goal of study and study plan: Goal of study, title or subject of research, and detailed study plan
- Future Plan after Study: Future plan in Korea or another country after study in Korea
Hope you guys can help me again!
Statement of Purpose
1. Goal of study and study plan
When I was a college student I became deeply interested in Korea and the East Asian Region and since then I've directed my work, both academic and professional, in knowing and learning more about Korea and the region to which it belongs. Being able to study how Korea is related to the other countries in the region will allow me to have a better understanding of how international relations are carried out in East Asia, from the perspective of Korea but also, from the perspectives of China and Japan, as the courses offered by the Graduate School of International Studies, of the universities of my election, cover lectures focused on the main 3 regions of East Asia.
Studying in Korea at the GSIS of any of the universities of my choice will help me to have a good understanding of the subjects in which I want to specialize and will allow me to have a broad international panorama since I will be able to study with students from other countries and get to know their opinions and, in addition, I will follow a study plan worthy of the international studies area where I will be able to learn more about the main countries that conform the East Asian region, how they interact with each other and how they develop their foreign policy.
The year of Korean language that I'll have before starting my master's studies will help me to improve and master the language, the benefits of knowing Korean and having a high level of proficiency in the language will help me in the future to have more options in the bibliography that I'll consult for my studies and thesis research, it will also allow me to get closer to the professors to be able to consult them and obtain more knowledge about the topics that interest me. Proficiency in the language will let me assist and participate in conferences, seminars and presentations related to the topics of my interest the may be provided in Korean.
During my first year of studies I'm planning on taking the lectures that are required by the GSIS as "Core Courses" and enroll courses that are related to the international relations' Regional evolution and lectures that allow me to have a better understanding of the behavior of East Asia.
For my second year of studies I want to enroll individual lectures to understand more deeply Korea, China and Japan and courses that are related to the strongest areas of international relations in each country in order to carry out my thesis research.
I would like to write my thesis on the evolution of international relations in East Asia from the last century to the present and be able to analyze the events that have caused the relations between the countries of the region to change and what strategies have been useful within the relationships between the region that have been used to carry out overseas. Courses such as politics, society, economy and culture of Korea, China and Japan will have a great impact on my preparation and will help me to deeply understand relevant issues in the relations between these countries and their role within the region. Studying and researching only from books and classes is just a small part of a master's student, so, as I mentioned before, I would like to participate and attend conferences, seminars and presentations that expose and deal with topics that can allow me a more full and deep investigation for my thesis.
The East Asian region is becoming more and more important in the international agenda, and the lead countries of this region are becoming really important players with more responsibilities on the international scene. Within the next few years we will be able to see an important change in international relations and we will be able to observe a diversification when making relationships and looking for allies. The East Asia region looks promising and will cause great changes in the history of international relations in the 21st century, as the world is becoming more and more globalized, so its study and expertise is important and a professional goal I want to achieve.
One at a time.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 The approach you have taken to this presentation is highly incorrect. The Goal of Study essay needs to be approached as a thesis presentation. What is your end goal for studying this masters course in Korea? Think of a thesis topic proposal. What would it be about? Why do you think it is important that you accomplish this goal by studying in Korea? The main goal you have to present is the end result of the studies upon your return to your home country. What goals do you have for your career that go hand in hand with this thesis? How will this help your profession when you return you country? The goal, is the end result of your studies. What you hope to achieve and why it is important to you.
Start your revision with your thesis presentation. Create this goal of study as a thesis proposal. that would work better. You already have the beginnings for it in your later paragraphs. Use the following portions to start your revised version:
I would like to write my thesis ... carry out overseas.
The East Asian region ...a professional goal I want to achieve.
These should be the basis of the full presentation. This is your preliminary thesis statement. Build on the presentation from there.
