hey guys, here's my gks personal statement
if you could give me your constructive feedback, it would mean the world to me! thank you
it fits the 2 pages max requirement :)
scholarship application essay
As both of my parents graduated from the University of the Philippines, considered as the best university in my country, the importance of education was instilled in me ever since I was a child. Throughout my high school education, I immersed myself in various extracurricular activities in the field of STEM. However, I realized that while such pursuits greatly complemented my academic studies, I lacked experience and exposure outside the field of STEM such as sports and the arts. Under the principle of academics taking precedence over sports, I was able to convince my parents to allow me to take up figure skating formally. I only trained at most twice a week, and I was able to maintain being on the Director's List consistently. But when I had to prepare for local college entrance tests and the Philippine National Figure Skating Championships simultaneously, the boundaries I initially set in my sports endeavor blurred. I suddenly could no longer wait until I fulfilled all of my academic responsibilities to hear my blades cutting through the ice. This perplexing circumstance made me realize how my will to succeed in school and desire to win in figure skating are equally important to me in my urge to see my full potential.
I began to take part in multiple training camps and local competitions towards my goal of representing the Philippines in the international stage. Because I came to the sport very late at the age of fourteen when starting as early as three years old is the norm, I wasn't certain or confident that my efforts would result in a fruitful outcome. Nevertheless, I trained for at least 3 hours after school thrice a week and an additional eight hours on each day of the weekend to be able to catch up. However, the sacrifices I made to keep striving for excellence in both worlds weren't enough. On top of failing the qualifying test for the national championships, I wasn't meeting the academic standards I once set for myself. When I was at the brink of giving up, I remembered a question from our infuriated coach, "What's the difference between you and public skaters who lace their skates for fun?" I've always given my hundred and ten percent in figure skating. While my training mates would already dry their blades, I would stay and do one more run-through. It was only in that particular session that I wanted to be the first to leave the ice. None of my jumps worked, and I felt like I was wearing someone else's skates. At that time, I wanted to express how unfair his asking felt, but I realized later on that the question's point was not to compare but to emphasize that as an athlete, I have to endure.
I took a break from figure skating, but it wasn't because I couldn't remain strong through the tough time. With the local college entrance exams then fast-approaching and requirements piling up, I knew that I had to focus on my academics. I used my time off the ice to work on my research, and I was able to produce three. Two of them pertained to the inaccessibility of complicated and expensive instruments to small communities in developing countries. We developed a low-cost Arduino-based streamflow measuring device that could serve as an alternative to expensive streamflow measuring instruments. The other one was an analysis of student-athletes' academic performance in a specialized science high school. This qualitative study was the first in our school that attempted to find a connection between sports participation and academic achievement. I presented and defended my research to a panel of experts in their respective fields in Brainblast: A Multidisciplinary Research Symposium. I also mentored grade ten students and provided them constructive criticism based on the quality of their research project and delivery to help them decide if they will carry on with their Research 1 project to Research 2. During this time, I also applied for an internship in the Philippine Electricity Market Corporation for an opportunity to explore the price determination algorithm used by the Wholesale Electricity Spot Market. As a student-intern I gained a basic understanding of the fundamental roles of each department that comprise a corporate structure, particularly the Information Systems and Technology Department.
When I was prepared to come back to sports, I applied the lessons I learned with my academic studies in figure skating, and vice versa. I turned to technology at my fingertips to compensate for the lack of necessary facilities and equipment in the Philippines to be able to attain multi-revolution jumps. Through this process, I was able to experience science at a visceral level in ways I wouldn't within a classroom. I overlaid jumps of acclaimed Olympians with mine to observe in slow motion what I needed to improve in, down to the smallest detail. Yuzuru Hanyu looks to the right before jumping. Kim Yuna keeps her arms near the center of her axis. The unbounded potential of technology to enrich learning heightened my interest in the creative process of integrating traditionally separate disciplines into a unified whole to address problems in the actual world. I became more appreciative of the seemingly disparate fundamental laws learned within the four walls of a classroom.
Moreover, academic study and athletic training are often viewed as two opposing and incompatible paths. A lot of my peers advised against my sports endeavour but I chose to stay committed through the challenges of being a student-athlete in an intensive science high school, and garnered various awards. First of all, I graduated with High Honors and received an Excellence Award in Art, Design, and Technology from PSHS. In a Machine Design Summit, I emerged as the champion of the competition by successfully building the sturdiest hydraulic judo bot with limited materials and time. I also won second place in a Robotics Challenge where we assembled and programmed an embedded system that could perform autonomous and remote controlled tasks. In the National Career Assessment Examination administered by the Bureau of Education Assessment of the Philippines, I scored a perfect 800+ in the scientific and mathematical ability portions of the test and a 99+ percentile rank in the overall General Scholastic Aptitude. In the athletic side of my endeavours, I have been the Open Freeskate Champion twice in a row in the annually held Skate Philippines. I also dedicated a part of my training in sharing the system I learned from Olympic coaches to my training mates who do not have the opportunity of joining intensive camps. The combination of both rigorous academic curriculum and competitive sports exposure instilled the importance of lifelong learning within me.
Seeing how figure skating contributed significantly to my personal growth, I want to be able to continue training at a competitive level while pursuing my undergraduate degree. I am applying for this scholarship because the advanced sports facilities and equipment in Korea will enable me to cut down on my training without compromising my performance and I will be able to expend more time and energy on my academics. These conditions will help me achieve greater heights in the university setting, both athletically and academically. I am also applying because of the generous financial assistance that this scholarship provides. Taking tuition fee, accommodation and other indirect costs into account, financing my studies abroad will be difficult for my family. My father works as a freelance electrical engineer consultant, while my mother is a housewife. He is the only source of income for my family of five. He can only work when he receives a call for a project and is offered the job. In addition, my brother is also pursuing his Master's Degree in Physics abroad. Following the recent pandemic, we are on a tight budget. Through this scholarship, I hope to help lessen the financial burden that an education abroad would put on my family.
Finally, having enjoyed a scholarship for six years in high school further strengthened my passion for scholarly studies and increased my awareness of the responsibilities of being a scholar. This scholarship is a great opportunity for me to understand and experience the Korean culture of globalism and future development while obtaining an undergraduate degree at one of the prestigious SKY universities. If selected as a GKS recipient, I will continue to immerse myself in cultural activity programs to strengthen the relationship between Korea and the Philippines. I have recently learned Hangeul out of a fascination with its scientifically systematic structure, and I want to know more about Korea's culture and traditions. As I share my own, I hope to gain a deeper understanding of the unique cultures of more countries while forming meaningful connections with my fellows. I would be able to achieve my dream of being able to speak the Korean language fluently and becoming a connection between the Korean and Filipino culture.
Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to realizing my opportunities with you. I cannot express how grateful I am for your time and consideration to offer this prestigious scholarship.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 This is one of the strongest GKS applications I have read coming out of the Philippines. Your background and academic qualifications tell me that your application will receive ample consideration from the reviewers. The essay can be made stronger if you can mention what course you are interested in pursuing in Korea. You failed to mention that and the reviewer should know about that information in relation to your sports and academic interests. If you can provide a trifecta explanation for the reviewer, you should find yourself making it to the next round of considerations.You can remove the reference to your brother being a scholar abroad. It is not useful information in this case. The reviewer doesn't care about your brother. He just wants to focus on you as the GKS applicant.
By the way, are you applying via embassy or uni track? If you are applying via the embassy track, remove the reference to the SKY universities. Give the scholarship committee the chance to choose your university. They may decide to send you to a university other than your personal choice. Better leave their options open. If you are focused on one uni, and they don't approve of it, you might lose your chance at the scholarship.
However, if you are applying via uni track, then you need to build up the university discussion some more. Reference your course choice and why you chose the university in relation to the course and your background. What makes it work? What makes you appear to be the best student to attend the course at that uni? The betterment of your essay will depend upon your choice of uni or embassy track applications.
