The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders committed to serving their home communities

a doctor and ambassador

Hi everyone. I am applying for Ugrad program for the first time and I would be really happy to read any suggestions that you will give me. Also I am not sure about my grammar. Please, if anyone of you has a free time check the grammar of the essay since my mentor who always supports me is very busy now. I would be thankful to everyone who will answer my request))

Since I grew up in a society where the most important thing is getting good grades and being a «good» girl, I considered the most important task in my life to fulfill these conditions. I was studying so hard that I didn't notice the whole huge world around me with so many problems such as poverty, violence, discrimination, lack of education. However, I decided to sign up as a volunteer in the international organization «Red Cross and Red Crescent». Becoming a part of these movement was the most turning point that changed my life and my view of thinking. There every week we held charity events, distributed food to the poor and needy, created fundraising campaigns, conducted psychological conversations with people in difficult situation, cleaned polluted rivers and public places. I realized that I am a part of the society and I am responsible for its future. Interaction with people from different cities, nationalities and ages helped me acquire a character trait that helps find a common language with many people - open-mindedness and willingness to listen and understand others.

Additionally, I volunteered for a non-governmental organization «Tajrupt» where we organized a project named «Humans of Tajikistan» whose main task was to bring people of Tajikistan closer to each other. We took a picture of passers-by and wrote about their life stories that they wanted to share. In order to convince people to tell their story, it was necessary to invest a lot of perseverance and work. With participation in many of these projects, my leadership qualities and willingness to lead the community began to appear. I tried to make every day I lived as useful and interesting as possible by creating projects such as online-guide to my city - Khujand, which made a contribution to the development of tourism in the city. Moreover, I constantly tried to attend trainings and debate clubs held for leaders among youth.

I have been a member of a Tajik dance group for 7 years, which gave me a lot of experience in how to be independent and helped me understand the national wealth of my country. We traveled with concerts throughout the country, performed at the reception of representatives of the SCO organization, practiced national dances of different countries, performed at annual concerts dedicated to the celebration of Navruz, and so on. Being a member of this group helped me make friends from different cities of my country, prepared me for a future independent life.

Since I have met a lot of people with disabilities, I started to get involved in biology and genetic diseases. For me, the choice of the profession of a doctor is the greatest contribution to my society, because a good doctor doesn't live for himself but for patients and their loved ones. I really want to see the US educational program at medical colleges and universities and discover something new for myself.

One of the best traits of my character is that I never give up and continue to move towards my goal despite the difficulties and obstacles. My old dream is to become the ambassador of my country and to present all the culture and beauty of my homeland in all its glory. My openness to everything new, the desire to gain new knowledge and share it, independence, love of opening new horizons will help me in my studies and active work in another country and university. I will share all the knowledge and experience gained through this program with my peers, because the knowledge acquired in another country gives great motivation for self-development

You have an effective background as far as qualifications are concerned. You meet the marks when it comes to what you can bring to the program. However, you do not clearly depict which of these skills or characteristics you will be bringing with you to the program and how the other participants in the program can benefit from these information. How do you plan to use these information to build a cultural and information exchange with the community? It is because of this question that I believe you have overqualified yourself in terms of qualifications. Try to limit your presentation to only the character and experiences you have had that you can continue to build on as a member of the program. If you can build on it, then you can explain how the cultural exchange will work for you and the student. Don't just keep enumerating the information. You are not really doing a great job of selling yourself that way. Rather, sell yourself based on the qualifications that you know the program will be interested in hearing about. If you feel it can help enhance the program experience all around, then that is what you should include in the essay.

I believe that you had better not use contractions like ''didn't''. Instead, just write did not. Be aware of splitting multiple simple sentences by a comma before "AND".