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Goal of Study & Future Plan - My First Time applying Scholarship

cai93 1 / 1  
Feb 23, 2016   #1
I have a bad record for my writing, I really need someone to check my Study Plan & Future Plan immediately.
The deadline is on 26 february 2016. thanks in advance for anyone who can help me ^^

Goal of Study & Study Plan

I am applying for a master's program in Education Development and focusing on Teaching English as Foreign Language as well as the culture. I have a high interest in learning the education system, curriculum design, developing teaching skills and conducting good environment in teaching-learning progress. I also want to know how to make a good assessment and evaluation for the student with diversities issues such as educational background, mother tongue, and culture. I believe I can prepare myself to be a creative teacher who knows the students well and learns a lot of theories as well as enhancing the knowledge about education in the second best country in the world with the good education system, Korea.

I have one-month teaching practice experience in Junior High School in Indonesia and five months teaching experience in elementary, Junior High School and Senior High School in Thailand when I was an undergraduate student. I conduct my research for my thesis in a school where I have been teaching experience. The topic of my research how the foreign teacher especially Indonesian using their teaching strategy. Is it proper or not for the Thailand student. Most of the students were not aware of English. They still need to learn the basic of English. Thus, the teacher needs to make a good approach and apply proper assessment for them. Based on my teaching experience, Indonesian and Thailand students has different abilities and problems compare by grade. Actually, Indonesian knows better than Thai's. But the problem in Indonesia is the curriculum was changed from time to time that makes the students and the teacher in the border or remote area had trouble to follow the policy. This fact is one of the motivation why I need to learn more about the education system in Korea. I wondered if I could find the solution to this problem.

If I got selected to join the program I would like to explore Korea. In Indonesia, we have a proverb "killing two birds with one stone". In addition, to studying about English education, it would be nice if I can learn and experience the Korean culture. When I arrive in Korea I will have Korean language program for one year. At that time, I want to try and delve Korean culture whether wearing Hanbok or exploring the historical place. Korea was also known as a country where creative people were born. I believe it will make my life precious by visiting and enjoying traditional or contemporary art gallery. Living in a new place will make me curious about the people. I want to make a lot of friends in Korea and make them like my own family there. I am a Moslem girl that also want to know how the Moslem people in Korea live as a minority. Apart from enjoying the culture, I have a big interest in Korean food. Korean food is well known as the healthiest food with delicious taste. Being healthy at the same time enjoying delicious dishes is one of the aspects why I love Korean food. I like doing a cooking experiment where my family can enjoy homemade food. I have tried to make Kimbap, Bibimbap (with Indonesian sauce), and simple Naengmyeon and my family like it. I really want to learn how to cook Korean food which my family and I can eat it. As a Moslem, I need to certain what I eat is a halal food. Aside from food and the culture, I also attracted with how Korean develop their tourism in various concepts. I once watched a Korean variety show that recites a place where parents and children can have an interaction in an educative way. It is such a good innovation for entertainment place. I wish I could have such a business when I came back to my hometown. This year my hometown got an award from PBB on The United Nations World Tourism Organization (UNWTO) Awards for Excellence innovation in tourism with eco-tourism concept. Therefore, Korea is a perfect country that can help me achieve my dreams.

Future Plan after Study

I have a dream that someday I can be a person who can share my knowledge and fill my free time to be an entrepreneur that still in relation to education. I live in a family where most of the member is an educator. Therefore, I get an inspiration from some of them. Besides, being an educated person could be useful in society. I have a conviction that knowledge could make me be a wise person. Never leave the knowledge that you have learned, share to anyone, therefore, you remember your effort how to achieve it. Keep learning, keep seeking for knowledge. But when we got a new knowledge never forget the preceding one. Aside from being an educator, I have been being an entrepreneur since I was in junior high school. I started to sell a cake and cookies made by my mother to my schoolmates. Selling and promoting is the way that I can experience a new challenge when I meet a lot of different people. It helps me to have a bunch of connection in my friend list. I believe being an entrepreneur can help me to increase my financial funds. When I gain profit from the business I want to save it to help poor people who cannot enjoy education. Someday, I also want to have a school for the poor students and make them experience a good education with good equipment and environments. Truthfully I do not have a certain decision where I will get my job in the future. Whether it is in Indonesia or abroad, as far as I can be a people who can share my knowledge and be a person who can help other people with education or English.
JuanSebastianR 23 / 63 37  
Feb 23, 2016   #2
Dear Cai93,

After reading your essay, I believe you need to cut out a lot of items that do not pertain to the essay prompt: study plan and future study plan. Also, can you please provide us with the actual prompt for the scholarship? I am not sure if the prompt is asking you for your previous study plan (since you mention a lot of things you have done in the past), or if it is asking you about your future study plan.

What I would like for you to do is to make an outline. As of now, your essay is all over the place, and it needs organization ASAP. Here are a few suggestions:

Intro: Explain here how you became so passionate about education, and how it has led you to choosing this program in particular. Here, you can mention your previous education experience, and then lead into why you chose to continue onto your Master's program. You also need to form a thesis statement at the end of this paragraph, which will tie the following paragraphs back to this thesis statement.

The following paragraphs should be split into three. And you can have topic sentences that tie each of the paragraphs back to the thesis statement.

Paragraph 1: In this paragraph, you can write about your passion for education and any previous experience that led you to choosing this program.

Paragraph 2: In this paragraph, you can write about your study plan and what you hope to accomplish during your studies as far as skills, knowledge, internships, etc.

Paragraph 3: This paragraph can tell about your future goals. How you want to open up a school for the needy and those who are not able to attain an education. Here you can mention how you want to spread your knowledge and help people.

Conclusion: In this paragraph you want a powerful ending. You want to tie it back to your thesis. Here you can add how this program has inspired you to continue in education, and how you will succeed in life because of it.

I hope this information helps. I would have loved to edit your essay, but it is all over the place. Please try to organize your ideas into paragraphs, and then, we can take it from there. I wish you the best!
OP cai93 1 / 1  
Feb 24, 2016   #3
thank you so much for the explanation, I'll try to rewrite my essay with your guideline. :) @JuanSebastianR

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