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Goals - finish high school with high grades, be accepted to my top three schools, and attend college

kerry2654 13 / 37 12  
Jan 6, 2016   #1
I know I still need to expand on a lot of details but I don't know what I should write about for those.

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 325

Discuss your short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? Which are priorities?(1000 words)

There are only four respectable career choices for a Congolese child: a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, or a nurse. My father appointed the law field for me when I was in elementary school hoping to plan my future early. I complied with his wishes to avoid arguing but I could see myself considering another career path.

My seventh grade career project reinforced the presence of my arranged future. As students, our goal was to research our dream job before presenting it in three weeks' time. The first assignment was a career inventory test to choose a career from our results. I selected a lawyer; it ranked high in my results so it appeared to be fate. However, research concluded that I lacked the needed enthusiasm for a project concerning law practice. By my teacher's suggestion, I called upon my personality traits for career ideas. I'm an analytical person who researches and explores options for decision making. I enjoy creating flexible, innovative solutions for problems. Self-expression through both writing and visual elements displays my full abilities. These characteristics reminded me of a description of a publicist in a recent novel I read, Secrets of My Hollywood Life by Jen Calonita. I then realized public relations matched my desired field for my project.

My interests in communications and the entertainment industry, specifically the music industry, prompted me to choose music public relations as my career goal. As entertainment media evolves, the public's perception shifts negatively. I want to shape the portrayal of the entertainment industry as positive to aid in enjoyment. Also, as my ultimate goal is a public relations executive for a record label, I hope to broadcast awareness of underrated artists.

In college, I plan to major in either Public Relations or Communications while supplementing my studies with entertainment-based electives. Also, for a more realistic perspective of entertainment communications, I plan to intern heavily for credit and possibly study abroad to Los Angeles to both intern and network.

Transitioning to college, I envision myself becoming a well-rounded individual. Who I am now is someone who needs improvement in certain areas. Despite flourishing in social settings, I hesitate in approaching them as an introvert; I barely attempt to join new experiences because I feel secure in my comfort zone. Recently, I had the opportunity to be a featured high school writer for a college prep blog; yet, I declined the offer because I felt the pressure was too much for me. I know that in college I'll need to develop skills to engage confidently with others. I hope to push myself to take more initiative by finding a dedicated school activity. Activities such as the programming board, where I hope to become a Public Relations Director, would allow me to expand myself both socially and professionally; I will venture outside my comfort zone by combining my career interest with pursuing a leadership position. Also, although I'm a socially aware person, my input in the social justice movement has been minimal. I plan to reverse this by engaging in organizations that advocate for marginalized groups.

There are only four respectable career choices for a Congolese Kerry-Ann: one that I am passionate about, one that I love, one that makes me happy, and one that makes me feel whole.
kitkat 4 / 6 1  
Jan 13, 2016   #2
try to eliminate the repetition and use of the word "I" throughout the essay if possible
expanding on your diction and using more upper level vocabulary would also be beneficial and create a higher sense of stamina of the speak (you) as the audience reads your piece.

I would suggest jazzing it up a bit too, it needs something in there to make you stand out from other applicants who are answering the same prompt. Make it so you will be remembered.

over all great work though and your top schools are all great colleges (I have a biases towards UMD lol) best of luck and hope this helps!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 13, 2016   #3
Kerry we have a problem with your response. I hate to say this but, your response doesn't apply at all. This isn't about career choices that your father set out of what you dream for yourself. This is all about your solid plans for your future career. Be it in the short or long term. What you wrote about was more about what your father dreamed you could be and who you want to be. The prompt assumes that you already know what your career will be. What they want to know about now is how your career will girl you achieve your future plans. Hence the reference to long and short term goals.

This essay should be discussed in terms of where you see your career development point in say, 10 year, for short term goals, Do you see yourself working as a senior publicist at a Holistic firm or somewhere similar? Maybe working ala Olivia Pope and doing publicity crisis control? In the long term, perhaps you will have started taking on your own clients in your own firm in 15 to 20 years? The point is to show that you have an idea as to how you see your career progressing and that you have a solid idea as to how you will achieve that over time. Make sure that you discussed the progression using the priority list that the prompt requires.

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