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Scholarship Essay, goals for myself in the future

The prompt is: What goals have you set for yourself in the future? What experience do you feel has prepared you most for obtaining these goals?

These are my main goals:

1. Move to New York
2. Graduate from NYFA w/ Screenplay Writing Degree
3. Write & sell autobiographical tv show (HBO, Showetime, Oxygen, etc.)

I plan on using the standard five paragraph essay format where their is an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Before I get started I wanted to know if my goals are too abstract and whether or not I should be more detailed. All other feedback is welcomed and appreciated.

Hello, arbennett. This could potentially turn out to be very interesting if the prompt asks you to tell the reader about what has prepared you for obtaining your goals while your goal is to make an autobiographical piece about yourself! What I mean is that your essay could work on two different levels. One level would focus on what makes your life interesting enough to be worthy of an autobiographical piece and the other level would focus on what in your life has prepared you to make such a piece.

In your essay it might be a good idea to try and balance out what experiences you feel have made you more capable and prepared for film school and what experiences you feel would make an autobiographical piece about you interesting. It will be a great juggling act to pull it off as these experiences will probably overlap but if you can find that balance you could have a great essay. I'm very interested to see how this will turn out. Good luck!
Wow, great insights from Tyler. Tyler, have you seent eh EF Contributor Page? (link at the bottom of the screen). It's a great way to make EssayForum an impressive item on your resume or application.

For this essay... is your name really Ananda?? That is so cool! Have you read about the history of Buddhism and the important figure named Ananda?

It is fascinating that you want to move to New York and write screenplays. Never be boring even for a second -- not in this essay, and not in your other writing, either. The topics are not too abstract, because this 5 para essay is like a telescope that can zoom in or out as necessary. Just link the 3 goals together with a common theme -- perhaps a pragmatic desire to express your personal truth through the most advanced, modern medium available (i.e. film).

Lin the ideas together so that the essay is powerful, driving home your main point with every sentence.

And for getting good at writing screenplays, I really recommend watching that hospital show called House. It is SO well-written!
is your name really Ananda?? That is so cool! Have you read about the history of Buddhism and the important figure named Ananda?

Yes, my name is really Ananda. My parents are hippies. I know a few things about my name. Thank you for your feedback and advice. And I will never be boring. I'm a quadriplegic in a wheelchair with blue, hair, tattoos, and piercings!

And for getting good at writing screenplays, I really recommend watching that hospital show called House. It is SO well-written!

I love House! Sarcasm is priceless!
Ok guys, here is what I have so far:

The top paragraph which has my thesis statement (my goals and the experience that I think will help me reach the them) needs a topic sentence that will encourage the reader to keep reading. I was thinking about incorporating part or all of the the following paragraph:

I have been an artist and a writer all of my life and of all of the different mediums that other artists and I have used to send or embody a message, none have the effects of the big silver screen and television. They have the ability to bring people together, to change people's ideals and ideologies, the way they think. For me, the most amazing thing film can do and has done, is to change the way people live.

The only catch is that the above paragraph is actually the first paragraph of the entrance essay that I sent in with my application to NYFA. I was wondering if that was something that would merit an automatic "No!" in regards to a scholarship.

Also, I am having trouble starting the fourth paragraph (my 3rd goal). Please remind me what else goes in the conclusion paragraph besides the repeated thesis statement. Examples and/or links to examples would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Brilliant, you win! How excellent it is to see evidence that people with disabilities develop other abilities to compensate. You write at least as well as I do. This is the opposite of when someone is extremely athletic or extremely wealthy or advantaged in some other way - and they are made weak by their advantages. I wonder, if it were not for your 6th grade experience that put you in a wheel chair, if you would be able to write this well.

The material you want to add... you know, the best way to solve the problem is to wait til you feel inspired and rewrite it in different words -- different words for a different day. With every rewrite, things improve, so do another version! You certainly are capable of it.

I am so impressed. BTW the other thing to put in a conclusion is some EXTRA thought, perhaps an implication of the theses... something extra for the reader to be left with at the end.

For your fourth para, can you write about a specific resource at this school, or faculty member, that would empower you to write that??
Actually, I was a writer before I became a quad but what is really cool is that I used to be be bad at math but now I find it easy. In fact, because I can't use my hands to write I do the majority of it in my head.

Thanks for stroking my ego. Here is my finished essay:
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Ever since I saw my face on the silver screen and heard my words coming from the speakers at my local theater after writing and acting in a local film festival, I knew that I wanted to work in the film industry. As a result of that day, when I think about my future all I can picture is me being on set of the movie I wrote, rewriting scripts to meet directors needs, or receiving an award for best screenplay. To achieve my dream I have set myself several goals. The goals that I have set for myself in the future are to move to New York, graduate from the New York Film Academy with an associate screenplay writing degree, and to start my career as a professional screenplay writer. I have many experiences that have prepared me to obtain these goals but the one that has taught me the most is being a quadriplegic in a wheelchair.

The experience of being a quadriplegic in a wheelchair for almost a decade has given me the perseverance and strength that I will need to move from North Carolina to New York. Once I am in New York there will be an absence of nurses to help with my care until I am approved for Medicaid benefits under New York state law. Depending on loved ones will be very stressful for me and very exhausting for them. I know that we will get through it because my family and I have gone weeks without nursing care before and my family rose to the occasion better than I could have wished for. I know that because of this experience in my life my family and I will be able to handle the transition from the small city of Greensboro, North Carolina to the big city of New York, New York in order for me to attend the New York Film Academy.

I was in the 6th grade when I became a quadriplegic. Despite the difficulty of my new way of life I graduated from middle school with the rest of my class. I went on to graduate from high school at the top of my class with a GPA between 4.0 and 4.5. To accomplish this I had to work twice as hard, twice as long, and sleep far less than any student at my school. Because I was either staying up late at night to finish a homework assignment or dealing with a night nurse who called into work, I was always overwhelmed with stress and/or exhaustion. As exhausting and stressful as it was it did not keep me from getting the things that I needed to finish complete. I believe this experience has prepared me to complete the arduous, exhausting, and challenging curriculum that is necessary for me to obtain an Associates Degree in Screenplay Writing from the New York Film Academy. Upon graduation I will have learned the necessary skills and credentials to start my career as a professional Screenplay Writer.

My life is full of dramatic, humorous, and conflicting moments that could not have happened and would not be nearly as important to share if I was not a quadriplegic. All of these moments will provide me with the material for writing screenplays for film and television but great material is not enough. Great writing is the keystone to a successful movie or television series. I have been writing and working to become a better writer since elementary school. I've taken writing classes in middle school, high school, and college for the soul purpose of developing and strengthening my writing skills. The combination of my experiences and my ability to share them through writing have more than prepared me to become and start my career as a professional screenplay writer.

When I achieve my goal of moving to New York, graduating from New York Film Academy, and launching my career as a professional screenplay writer, it will be because the experience of being a quadriplegic taught and gave me the determination, resilience, sense of humor, confidence, and strength needed to achieve them. My struggle and effort to achieve these goals as well as the other stories that I have tell will entertain, inspire, haunt, teach, and help people from all walks of life for generations to come.

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Please correct any grammar issues and if you think something needs to be corrected or tweaked let me know.
"The goals that I have set for myself in the future are to move to New York, graduate from the New York Film Academy with an associate screenplay writing degree, and to start my career as a professional screenplay writer." For this sentence, you need either three "to"s or none.

Hmmmm . . . that's all I could find to correct. I think a life of taking writing courses and preparing to be a professional writer has paid off for you. Good luck.

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