Someone please give me feedback i have less than 2 hours left.. I would appreciate, this my first time writing an essay
The leadership and influence
I believe that good leaders are trailblazers, who make a path for others to follow. Great leaders, however, inspire their people to reach higher, dream bigger, and achieve greater. just like John Quincy Adams said - "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."
After receiving various intensive business related training courses by professional German trainers I became a business(start-up) consultant with ABC in my country, which was going through financial crisis, and this was not an easy work to do, basically because during this period of time people were scared to risk and start any business projects, nevertheless I chose to work in this field with the aim of contributing to economic regain to my country, this was done by encouraging people to start their own projects through providing face to face consultation sessions, seminars, workshops and training.
Most of people that I found had the knowledge and experience in the field that they wanted to start, but they had fear of starting because either they were afraid that they didn't know the right procedure of starting a business in GOVERNORATE or had fear from failure or didn't have enough fund for start up. For instance last year I had a group of 40 people who had the idea of starting up but they were afraid of failure, out of these people I was able to lead 10 of them to the right path and successfully convince them to start their business idea, I did that by conducting a lot of workshops and consultation sessions with topics about how to build a successful startup , doing market research, pricing, marketing...etc with them and showing them real success stories of startups along with role models and of failed businesses as well so that they learn from their mistakes.These 10 entrepreneurs have businesses running up till this moment and they are successful in what they do and even started offering job opportunities to others.
This for me was a big achievement because I was able to help my people to reach their goals(dreams) on one hand and support my country's economic structure by encouraging people to start small business on other hand.
With that said, we still have a gap in the field of high tech/production projects in my country, and these type of projects are important because they have growth potential more than others , the reason behind having few of them is because not a lot of people know how to start these type of business or there aren't many mentors that will guide and support them, I believe that Chevening award is a great opportunity for me to study and see how startup projects are in developed countries, in addition to acquiring new knowledge and skills will move me forward to inspire and transfer the knowledge and experience that I will gain there to my people through my work.
Matthew, you began writing your Chevening scholarships too late. There isn't enough time for you to correct this essay for additional review prior to submission. I am afraid this essay will not be helpful towards your applicant and will prevent you from being considered for the scholarship. This is the type of vague essay that the reviewers do not appreciate reading because it does not really offer an example of a leadership and influencing activity on your part. There is nothing in this essay that you can use as a foundation for a new essay solely because the focus of your discussion is not based on leadership nor influencing.
It appears that you are a trainer, rather than a leader and you are not an influencer but rather a professional coach who helps people outline their professional path. While there may be some leadership and influencing skills involved in this, the fact that you are not focused on a single case for the presentation made you simply imply these skills rather than discuss them. There isn't any time left for me to work with you towards picking out a more appropriate example and developing those in line with the requirements of the essay. You need at least one strong leadership example and one extra impressive influencing presentation. Do you have the time to develop that? With only 2 hours left I highly doubt it. However, if you can write something up as soon as you can, I will here to try and assist you with it. No promises though because you are cutting it dangerously close.
Remove the capitalized words and all references to etc. with ellipses. This is not a casually written essay. Develop an academic tone as a sign of respect all throughout the essay. Try to implement the change I am urging you to make and hopefully, we will still have some time to polish the content before final submission.