Please, below is a concise statement of my purpose for an indigenous scholarship, kindly help me read through for necessary correction. thank you.
I am a recent Civil Engineering graduate with a life-long objective to be a resourceful Structural Engineer, becoming an innovative and highly efficient team player among sound professionals in achieving organizational goals with relevant precision and accuracy.
My long-term and unwavering interest in becoming a Structural Engineer has been continually motivated by deep curiosity in fathoming how the imaginations of men are transformed into enviable pieces of fascinating bridges, magnificent multi-storey buildings among many. This has enhanced my consistent and outstanding performances in relevant courses in both my secondary school and undergraduate studies such as Physics, Mathematics, Reinforced concrete design, structural analysis and structural steel design.
It is no coincidence but a sincere demonstration of my pursuit that my two internships during my undergraduate education were with structural engineering consultancy firms that gave me fundamental insights into practical analysis, design and detailing of structural elements. Even my final year project titled "the Assessment of the Flexural and Shear Strength of Concrete made with Dug-up Gravels" was carefully chosen to reflect my intense interest in Structural Engineering. Most importantly, I became unusually glued to the field when I took up a graduate trainee job just after my completing my undergraduate degree in Civil engineering with a chartered structural engineering consulting firm that exposed me to thorough analysis and design of multi-storey buildings as well as detail appraisal of existing buildings.
The particular career path in Structural Engineering that I have chosen to follow is the aspect of analysis, design and assessment of bridge. This is in view of becoming an expert bridge designer that is relevant and instrumental to infrastructural development in my society. I therefore hope to advance my studies in General Structural Engineering in order to get equipped with necessary skills to tackle the complexity posed by this type of structure.
However, I am of the opinion that a good dream without a suitable environment for proper nurturing may lead to infinite incarceration of such dream. This is tantamount to the basic arithmetic of multiplying a positive and a negative sign which is always negative. Then I found XXX through personal research from internet, mentors and distant friends to be a great citadel of learning with an unparalleled research capabilities endowed with adept and renowned scholars. Hence, a viable dream-seed sown in a fertile soil, nourished by adequate sunlight and water from the environment as well as sound tutors will definitely blossom and be fruitful thereby increasing productivity and create abundant wealth.
Finally, it will suffice to say that I am a hardworking person with positive attitude towards learning and solving challenging tasks. I am an advocate of excellence with absolute integrity and also I am determined to demonstrate this without compromising acceptable standards. I love reading, playing scrabble, sightseeing as well as offering voluntary social services to my community. Without any iota of doubt I am fully convinced that I will certainly complete my master's programme towards becoming a relevant professional with mastery skills to make impact in my world.
Your content looks to be good potentially, but I think you need to make it more polished, especially by rectifying grammatical mistakes. For example :
Am a young graduate of Civil Engineering - I am a Civil Engineering graduate.
hence my main reason to want to study abroad - This part is wrong by the rules of English grammar, and perhaps you might want to rewrite this whole sentence, for example, look at below suggestion.
in an environment that is capable of exposing me - This seems slightly awkward, as if you were treating environment as a person. The same can be written as - in an environment that will expose me
I am a recent graduate of the Civil Engineering program , with a life-long objective to be a resourceful, innovative and highly efficient member among a noble team in achieving organizational goals with excellent accuracy and precision especially in the oil and gas industry.
Maybe even break this into two sentences
In my unwavering pursuit to achieve this objective, there is the need to advance my studies in Petroleum Engineering, an environment that is capable of exposing me to the current industrial and advanced techniques necessary to tackle the complexities involved in developing safe and efficient methods of oil and gas production as well as the required economic and management prowess for national wealth creation, hence my main reason to want to study abroad.
Abbey2010: Becoming a Petroleum Engineer to me is a career path that I have chosen to follow especially in the area of detecting and tapping undiscovered reservoirs as well as optimizing the existing ones.
The particular career path in Patroleum Engineering that I have chosen to follow is in the area of detecting and tapping undiscovered reservoirs as well as optimizing existing ones.
This essay makes it very obvious that you have a clear goal and direction. I don't know how long it needs to be but I would like to hear a little about what you have done to work towards those goals so far. Like subhash_gosh said, just polish it up a little, and I think you should also expand on why you want to do what it is that you want to do. It's a great start though!
thank you subhash ghosh and ryan johnson, am very grateful.
...the imaginations of men ?? What about women? How about this: ...how human imaginations are transformed into enviable pieces of fascinating bridges, magnificent multi-storey buildings, and other enviable pieces of structural art.
Capitalize Internet
to make a meaningful impact on my world.
:-) nice job!!
Thank you very much, Susan. All the corrections are noted.
