Hello EssayForum Team,
This is a draft for a scholarship essay that I wrote yesterday. Please let me know if I answered the question and if there are any errors I should fix.
Thank you!
Essay (250 - 500 words)
"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." -Albert Einstein. What does this statement mean to you? Use a personal experience to elaborate your point.
It means that in order to succeed in life, you have to stand out from the rest; you have to be unique; you have to be the very hidden gem in the multitude of people.
Looking back at my life, I realize that I am that hidden gem among the multitude of people. I began working for a catering company back in 2012, and I remember the very first day at work. The event was at the Flagler museum for the reception of a fancy wedding. It was my first time working as a server, and it frightened me a bit because I had no idea of what to do. Yet all I did was watch the people, or as Einstein called it, "learn the rules of the game." I watched and copied what the others did. I didn't want anyone to notice I was new. After watching the servers and learning their work techniques, I then realized that most servers walked in a normal pace. And so, I began walking like it was the end of the world. I walked as fast as I could, and worked as hard as I could, or as Einstein called it, "You have to play better than anyone else." It was then when my work was noticed. The event captain that night named me Mr. Speedy, and the following week, the owner came to me and said, "We want to keep you. We see how hard you work."
From that very moment at the Flagler museum, I have risen to the top as the event captain and coordinator, a position that is only given to the veterans of the company and people who have extensive experience in the matter. I now direct staff of 30 to take care of clientele of up to 200 or more. Everyone in the company loves my work ethic and leadership skills, and I am always asked to train new employees.
I have also applied Einstein's quote to my everyday life, and most importantly, to school. I realized that in order to succeed in a class, I needed to have a good relationship with every professor. So I decided to attend every professor's office hours with any questions I had. Attending these sessions not only helped me form a better relationship with professors, but it allowed me to achieve high grades in every course at Broward College (BC). I believe that forming great relationships with professors is a rule of the "game" that not many followed during my career at BC.
I live my life by the statement because I am not like everyone else. I always want more, and I am always willing to learn and succeed and to be the very best. It is the only way I can succeed in life.
Speechless! Fabulous! Extraordinarily amazing!
You have absolutely no mistake, either grammatical or spelling, present in your writing.
Moreover, everything is so nice and neatly written.
Specially, the ending and open sentences were powerful and vibrant.
Hats off!! Totally, I have no words to speak or criticize your writing.
To conclude, you truly are A HIDDEN GEM IN MULTITUDE OF PEOPLE.
Dear PinkyTune,
Thank you very much for the compliment. I literally broke out in laughter and feeling pure joy.
Thank you really.
Love,
Juan Sebastian Rubio Lopez
HI Juan, I must say, I enjoyed reading your essay and it is full of life, this is a very powerful attitude when it comes to writing essays and writing in general.
The act of of writing in full details is what gives life to the essay or to anything you do. Moreover, you elaborated the scenario well enough that your reader seemed to be in the event and truly feels what had happened.
However, I would suggest that you write the essay really strong from the beginning, the introduction in this essay is not as strong as the succeeding paragraphs, you were able to manage and keep it strong because the introduction is short and jumped into the next paragraph, this is a quick catch and you manage to write it very well.
Overall, it's a well written essay and I hope my insights helped.
For future writing reference, keep an essay with structure that transpires through out the essay, this will make sure that the essay will flow smoothly.
