"My high school club experience"- prompt: Write about your school activity (1600 characters)

describe your school activity

For one-fourth of its history, my school's culture has deeply been influenced by clubs, as most of the extracurricular events and activities at school were organized by these student-led organizations. As an HNEU student in the specialized English class, I felt a strong sense of duty to join ECLUB, a club tasked with providing an educational haven for individuals who wish to enhance their English abilities.

During my time as a member, I served in the Design Department since I recognized the cruciality of visual learning when it comes to English and also because of my interest in the creative field of design. As a Designer, I contributed by presenting my ideas and designs for both simple tasks, such as posting on our Facebook Page educating about idioms, and major events, for example, ECLUB's 10 years anniversary. Moreover, my job went beyond the responsibilities of a member, I also did my best to advise the Head of Design, a close friend of mine, on how to create bonding activities for our team members, most of whom were very introverted people, like I once was.

ECLUB itself has impacted me on many levels, skill-wise and social-wise. Working there, I gained a fresh perspective in the field of design along with great tips on how to come up with interesting ideas and how to flesh them out. Though short, my time at the club taught me the importance of communication, as we were required to work closely with each other to produce helpful content for students seeking aid. Despite the heavy workload and at times dreading deadlines, I took satisfaction in knowing that my tremendous effort was able to play a small part in improving the English of a generation of HNEU's students.

I am sure you are familiar with the character count specifics so I will not delve into that anymore. I'll just focus on the content of the presentation instead. While this presentation delivers an excellent overview of the history of clubs and its functions, along with the functions of the ECLUB, I feel that there is something lacking in the description.

While I got a pretty good idea of your function within the club requirements, I did not get a specific picture of any actual achievement that you had during your time in the club. You came across as a mere ordinary member. There were no stand out moments that would tell the reviewer that your school activity helped you develop yourself as a notable club member or a student with the future potential to become a student leader once you attend college. Remember, the reviewers are looking for stand out students in both the academic and extra curricular field. So properly portraying yourself as a potential student leader, based on leadership achievements within the club can help you accomplish that.

@Holt
Thank you so much for your critique on my essays, they have been very insightful and I really appreciate that you took the time to analyze and comment on them. Is it alright if I post fixed-versions of my essays on the forum? You may only post then once you make these thread Urgent (otherwise, the revisions will be ignored / removed). Thank you!