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Scholarship letter for my high school's college scholarships- engineering


Ayshaya 2 / 10  
Feb 20, 2010   #1
I am supposed to write a scholarship letter for my school's local scholarships. Other than a sheet with my personal info, lists of activites, and transcript, this is the only other thing that i will be sending them, so it is very important. The requirements for the scholarships are being in the top half of class and active in school and community. Here is what I have for the body. My intro paragraph is horrible so lots of help there especially would really be appreciated. I am waiting to see if i am accepted to my last 2 colleges before deciding, and that paragraph needs more but i rather hate intro's. Other than that, did I miss anything or get too detailed on something? Thank you very much for your help and sugestions!

"My name is ___. I am currently a senior at ____ High School. After graduating I will be attending a four-year university.

Throughout high school, I advocated for the hardest classes possible. In math, foreign language, and many electives, I was one to two years ahead of my grade level. As a junior I took AP Calculus AB and BC, completed my school's math program and received AP scores of 4 and 3. As a senior, the only math class available was physics, which was ridiculously easy for me. I convinced the administrators to let me take a college-level, calculus-based physics class through Brigham Young University. I completed four years of Spanish before my senior year. I opted for the most advanced class whenever possible, such as Advanced English 9 and 10, and AP Government. I am taking my third Project Lead the Way (PLTW) class through Milwaukee School of Engineering. I never settle for coasting through easy classes; I try to find classes that are as challenging as possible.

I give back to my school by helping others. For 4 years I have been a teaching assistant for 5-8th grade math teams, chess club, PLTW summer school, and the current AP Calculus class. I have been a 4-H officer and youth leader for 6 years. Through 4-H, Student Council, FCCLA, class government, and National Honor Society I have been active in many school and community projects. I started recycling projects, organized pep rallies, renovated a park, and developed a school-wide Veteran's Day program. I am also an avid reader and enjoy horseback riding.

I plan to graduate with a Bachelor's in engineering, then go on to graduate school for a Master's degree in a more specific engineering program, such as biomedical or robotics engineering. This scholarship would substantially reduce my need to work during the school year, allowing me to focus on my classes and maintain my high standards and performance. Thank you for taking the time and effort to review my application. "
maneesha 2 / 6  
Feb 21, 2010   #2
hello ayshaya

i read you essay i m impressed about you that you are good in your subject area but i ask you a question if you dont mind that why you dont go to a field of eng.in physics as your math is good
gemma2345 5 / 15  
Feb 21, 2010   #3
i think that this is a really nice essay. i think u concentrated on telling them abt u and what u have achieved which is really good!

Goodluck
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 22, 2010   #4
To advocate for something is to speak on its behalf. You should write:
I advocated opted for the hardest classes possible.

In math, foreign language name the languages you studied
..., and many electives, I was one to two years ahead of my grade level. --impressive!!

As a junior I took AP Calculus AB and BC, completed my school's math program and received AP scores of 4 and 3. As a senior, the only math class available was physics, which was ridiculously easy for me.---- I suggest saying something more humble here; for example, you can say you were surprised to discover that you had a knack for it and that you were able to help many of your peers as they struggled with it. Physics itself is not easy... though your class might have been.

For that intro paragraph, and for the whole essay, you need a central idea, a theme that will inspire you and the reader. When you have a vision for the future that you are passionate about, it will be easy to write an intro that comes from the heart. So.. do not try to force it. Meditate on your aspirations and wait for a sentence to come to mind -- a sentence that really feels right. That is how the intro will come together. Read through the essay slowly, and wait for that perfect sentence to come to mind... one that plants a memorable idea in the reader's mind.

:-)


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