this is the topic:
Hispanic College Fund scholarship recipients are the next generation of Hispanic professionals who lead their communities by giving back. Please provide a 500 word essay on the following:
- How will you apply your intellect, culture, and background to enrich your chosen field, and this country, as a future Hispanic professional?
..and here's the essay: ( i typed it just right now and i feel like it's not on topic but maybe it is i don't mind critisism as long as it makes the essay better thanks!)
When I first arrived in the US, we lived in a hotel and hardly had enough money to buy food. I did not understand the language and we had to walk in the 100° degree summer. While most would hear that story and feel sorry, I think back to that time and do not remember sadness or despair. Instead all me and my family saw was hope, something that we had not felt in a long time. The past eight years in Mexico had been very tough. My mother was a pediatrician charging 10 pesos -less than a dollar- per consult and my dad had been unemployed on and off for the past few years. After only a couple of months our dreams here in the US began to come true. My dad got himself a job and we soon moved into an apartment. I soon began to see that not knowing English was an adventure instead of a disadvantage. I started reading kindergarten books in English and in less than a year I could already hold a fluent conversation. Soon after that, I was moved to the gifted class and I was informed of the endless possibilities that my future held if I just kept working hard. As I reflect on my life now, I can honestly say that I have everything I have ever wanted. Even if there is ups and downs and there is always obstacles trying to defeat us, I know hundreds of people who would give anything to someday have a tenth of what we have. Not only those across the border, but simply those 15 minutes away from where I live. Immigrating from a different culture and country has given me the opportunity to see things from a different perspective. I realize all that has been offered to me and that there is many more roads to be explored. There is nothing but gratefulness from me for all that God has granted me and I will make sure that I continue to use my talents and time to give back as much as I can. I want to go back to where I came from and go to many other places that I know are in desperate need for even the simplest of things. I will use my love for education to obtain a Dental profession. This will soon enable me to give peace to children and others who can not even afford a simple tooth extraction and have to live with the pain for weeks. Not only that, but I will also be able to use my background to expand the horizon of other joining the dental profession. Hopefully, that will help them realize all that they can do with their talents or at least better understand a wider range of patients. My Hispanic heritage has made it clear to me that every ounce of sweat brings with it a pound of success and that the only way we can receive happiness and is by giving.
When I first arrived in the United States , we lived in a hotel and hardly had enough money to buy food.
I did not understand the language and we had to walk in the 100° degree weather .
Instead, all my family and I saw was hope, something that we had not felt in a long time.
I soon began to see that not knowing English was an adventure instead of a disadvantage.
Even if there are ups and downs and there are always obstacles trying to defeat us, I know hundreds...
Not only those across the border, but even those 15 minutes away from where I live.
I appreciate all that has been offered to me and realize that there are many more roads to be explored.
I will use my love for education to someday work in the Dental profession.
EF_Susan
hi susan, thanks for your help.
i'm no sure what i'm suppoused to change a few of the words to,though, like "instead" and should the "are"s be "were"s and also the "someday".
Could you be a bit more specific. Sorry and thanks in advance for the trouble.
also..is it any good? i wouldn't mind re-writting it all over again
Well... put a comma after instead:
Instead, all me and my family saw was hope -- something that we had not felt in a long time. and I added a dash (like this -- )
The previous eight years in Mexico had been very tough.
About your ares and weres... I think your verb tenses are good! Keep them as they are!
But you need to use paragraphs.
----something that we had not felt in a long time. NOW START A NEW PARAGRAPH
--- future held if I just kept working hard.NOW START A NEW PARAGRAPH
-----need for even the simplest of things.NOW START A NEW PARAGRAPH
:-)
thank you both alot for your help, but no one told me if it was any good.
i really want it to be good so if it's common or cliched you can tell me i really don't mind writting it again.
Always write it again! But who knows if it will be better. Inspiration is a tricky wave to catch. But if you write again and again, you improve your odds of striking gold in your mind.
It did make a good impression on me. It is not only eloquent but also reflective... showing that you are aware of the work your parents do to support you... which is always impressive to the adult reader.
:-)
