An honest story that stopped my heart from beating for a second

Hello Guys,
I am new here and I need your help very much
I am applying to Gettysburg College and they ask for these essays.
My mother language is Arabic so please be harsh
Thanks

Gettysburg College students are engaged learners and 'make a difference' both on and off campus through their academic and extracurricular activities. Describe a situation in which you have made a difference in your school or community and what you learned from that experience.

One of the most influencing situations which I enrolled in was my visit to an Orphanage center. I, through an organized fun day, was able to make these kids laugh, smile, run around and have ultimately fun time. What was the turning point in my life? A six-year old girl came to me, held my hand and asked if she can tell me a secret. As she started telling her story and how did her mom die, I was totally taken by her words and her strength to face hardships. Despite the similarity between her story and other stories, she tough me the most valuable lesson in my life which is if I got furious at my parents one day because they don't give me " my Freedom and Privacy" then these kids wish that their parents were around just to argue with them.

P.S characters (with space) limit: 750 for both essays.

How did you become interested in Gettysburg College?
My six-month stay in the United States in addition to my interaction with foreign and Americans students grew the passion and the desire to come back and get my Bachelor's degree in the USA. Through my searches over the internet for appropriate colleges, Gettysburg was on the top of my list. What made my choice a decision is when I saw the amount of diversity in the campus, courses and programs that encourage leadership and unique activities for the students. Just form surfing the college's website, I got an enormous eagerness to know more about the college and be part of it. In addition to that, the encouragement of The HOPEFUND program which tries to find the best fit for its candidates.

haya2596
For the first one, I wouldn't ask the question "What was the turning point in my life?" in the essay. I would state something, like "The turning point in my life was.." Then go on to explain it.