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"Honor the Family Name" - Questbridge Biographical Essay


haru1996 3 / 4 2  
Sep 25, 2013   #1
We are interested in learning more about you and the contexts in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?

My father's dream was to become a fighter pilot. However, that dream came to a halt with his parents' decision to immigrate to the United States. and the Korean government could not trust him with a plane to fly with no family on ground. As the oldest of the three sons, he was expected to work and financially support his settling family. He worked as a dishwasher in a chinese restaurant, janitor at a beef jerky factory, housekeeper at a small motel inn, among others and other odd jobs. This was the standard in Asian culture, for the oldest to sacrifice and work to support the family. My father, who grew up in a household with aristocratic ancestry, was constantly told what was considered appropriate behavior. that He felt demeaned at times, but he also felt proud to be able to contribute to his family. However, my father did not want to live his entire life doing menial work for minimal wage.

Instead, he started taking classes at Portland Community College and earned enough credits to transfer to Oregon State University. My grandfather outright opposed: threatening to disown him, but my father did not waver. Learning that he could still attain his dream of becoming a pilot, he majored in computer science to gain advantage for acceptance into the ROTC program. I don'tdo not know where he got the bravery to take this on, particularly considering the fact that he's hadnever touched a computer before, barely spoke any English, and had to learn the language of computers which was yet another foreign language to him.adding this to this particular sentence causes a run-on. consider moving the blue phrase to a second sentence for easier understanding He talked of eating bread and butter, sitting in front of the computer, and crying because it was so tough. Why did he not give up? He wanted to be able to say later to his kids that they should not give up on anything, whether it be academics, sports, or life, and when asked, "Did you stick to it?," he can proudly say "yes." great narrative section!This is why when I have those difficult moments when I can't write my essays, when I can't memorize the vocabulary, when I wonder how I'm going to pass my AP exams, or when I cry when the homework seems endless and I'm still up at 4 a.m. studying, I want to quit it all, but I can't do notbecause my father didn't. did not.

Another reason why my father could not quit was the fact that he is from a noble family where it would have been considered shameful and embarrassing. As much as my grandfather objected to him leaving home, giving up would have been even a worse feat and would have caused my grandparents to hang their heads in shame. They wouldn'twould not be able to look at their friends and neighbors straight in the eyes with their oldest returning a quitter and a failure. This ideology has been ingrained into my father and was mentioned frequently to me and my siblings as we were growing up. Living up to the family heritage and not shaming the family name was very important in our family. We were told that, as nobles, we do not beg for food, do not devour massive amounts of food when invited to friend's homes, are always calm and behave with the utmost manners, and do not talk in loud voice. It mattered how we acted at home, but it mattered more how we acted outside our home because people did not just talk about us as individuals, but referred to us as a whole family. For example, if we were to misbehave, instead of saying, "That Brittnay is really loud and rude," people would ratherinstead say, "Whose kid is that?"

Maintaining the family's name and being dignified and honorable were very important characters within our family and taught to me at every age. I'veI have always been told that how I behave, the grades I receive, how I was regarded -you switch tenses a few times (behave, receive are in the present, regarded is in the past-by teachers, friends, and others were a reflection on the family and how my siblings would also be influenced. This idea has had huge affect on my character, in my habits, and my sense of responsibility. For me, receiving all A's was crucial because anything less would be unacceptable and embarrassing. Even when I had group projects, I would do them well because I did not want to fall short and have my faults affect other members' grades, and when I participate in any activities like sports or clubs, I put all my energy and effort into it to make sure it produces the maximumideal? -maximum doesn't make sense for qualitative results-results. To others, the noble background may seem rigid and limiting, but for me it has created a higher sense of responsibility, a stronger sense of integrity, and a more solid sense of the character that will carry with me at all times.
c_lignelli 5 / 11 3  
Sep 25, 2013   #2
Hi! I am also scrambling to finish my questbridge essays!
red are things you should consider omitting
blue are things you should consider changing
green is just commentary
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Oct 4, 2013   #3
However, that dream came to a halt with his parents' decision toimmigratemigrate to the United States, and the Korean government could not trust him with a plane to fly with no family on ground.

.... I cannot really get what you mean by this second part. Had Korean government got offended over this ? or was it a Korean rule?
However, he couldn't make his dream a reality due to his parent's decision of migrating to the US...

this happened in the US or Korea? Better clear that doubt at the beginning of the paragraph. Also, your father's sacrifices part is slightly over-done and the reader feels that you are repeating the same idea. Better pay attention to that also.


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