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I hope I could help the poor in Indonesia - Singapore Scholarship


angann29 1 / 4  
Dec 12, 2008   #1
In a separate attachment, write (to be typed written) a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you (300-500 words). You may choose any topic. Examples include: an event which has influenced you; why you want to choose an Engineering career; or a family member/friend/person who had a significant influence on you.

I was born to an Indonesian family in Bandung on July 29th, 1991. I am the first son and have one little brother. My father had always brought us up with the concept that 'You cannot succeed in life without making an effort'. Every other week our family has dinner together so that we may have a close relationship and better communication with each other. Throughout my life I have able to understand and realize the compassionate love that my parents have for my brother and me. My parents are my motivation to be hard-working, determined and versatile student who is ready for university.

I have always grown up believing that it is the environment that creates a person's characteristics. Environment can also mean the people, who you face every day. These people, in most cases, are role models that shape the way we think and make decisions. I always think that my parents are huge contributor to my environment and play a very great role in raising me to be the person I am today. They are positive role models to me and they force me to think responsibly in order to be a better student and person. They taught me that I could achieve anything with a good education, a clear goal and an unfaltering determination.

As I grew up, I watched my father work very hard in order to make both ends meets. My mother always supports my father and be also ready to overcome the family problems. They always tell me to prioritize what is important. They always tell me to do my schoolwork and chores before anything else. I wish I could say that I followed them obediently every time, but sometimes I would rebel and laze around. But as high school started, I began to prioritize what is important until it became a natural process. Their words of advice will stay with me through my whole life.

My parents faced adversity growing up in Indonesia, their native-born country. My father was raised along with his four brothers. He struggled getting an adequate education due to tuition fees his family struggled to pay for. He began working at the age of 15 for his education. My parents want me to receive an education better than what they had. On the other hand, I want to help my parents to fulfill their dreams. Besides fulfilling their dreams, I hope I could help the poor in Indonesia. I will make sure of this by making a machine which would increase their crop, as the most Indonesian are farmer. When I have the better education, I wish I were able to help my parents and my country.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 12, 2008   #2
Wow, you have some nice options, here. These four paragraphs can be rearranged in a different order, if you want to experiment a little. The last sentence, about your parents being your motivation, seems like it should come near the beginning.

you write without errors, and your sentences are simple and clear. I think the content is good, and that you should just experiment with putting the ideas in a different order. Remember that you are leading the reader in his or her thought process.
kids_jessy 8 / 34  
Dec 13, 2008   #3
Hi, i would actually consider switching the 2nd and the 3rd paragraphs. You can try swapping them and read it through and see if they flow well :)

Yup, just my own opinions and hope this helps.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 13, 2008   #4
I always think that my parents are huge contributors to my environment and that they play a meaningful role in the making of the person I am today.

As I grew up, I watched my father work very hard in order to make ends meet.

When I have the better education, I will be able to help my parents and my country.

Nice job!!

Kevin


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