Explain why (in 100 words or more) you feel you merit consideration as an applicant for an award or scholarship.
-you may wish to include educational goals, and any unusual circumstances (financial, personal, etc.)
-Supply information that my be of assistance in considering your application.
My mother always said, "A college degree is one of the most valuable offerings this country can give," and I have grown up with the notion that I would one day attend college and earn a degree. Now, having been accepted to the University of Florida, my dreams of attaining this goal are closer to becoming a reality.
At college, I plan to major in Cinematography and hopefully graduate suma cum laude. I know this will be difficult, but I believe my perseverance and devotion to this field will help me triumph. College will also be a time where my two most profound interests can expand; there are two things in this world that I would love doing for the rest of my life.
I am a movie aficionado. The idea of presenting a story through a screen intrigues me, and I enjoy the two hours or so of entering a place I never thought I would end up in. I have seen the slums of Mumbai, heard the wisdom from Benjamin Button, fought the battles with Rocky, and saw true love in Titanic. All these films have touched me because I saw the soul in these characters and felt present during their experiences; like I could achieve the greatness they have accomplished. Every great movie touches people and gives them a glimpse of unknown perspectives. This is why I someday want to make movies.
Apart from films, I have developed a keenness for helping others. My friends always ask me for advice and I truly enjoyed hearing their problems and offering my best knowledge. I especially like motivating people, particularly when they have lost hope in themselves and are going through hardships. Once I dispense my best advice and see the newfound drive in their eyes, a feeling of satisfaction takes over me. My involvement in volunteering has been what has watered the roots of my liking to help and motivate others.
Through National Honor Society, I enjoy tutoring. It is rousing to see the "light bulb," when they finally grasped the material. Helping them through the difficult stage of defeat and getting them back on track, is very fulfilling. The persistence of my efforts pays off when they are fully able to understand the subject. I like being there for people who really need support and being the person they can lean on.So my two devotions are making movies and helping others, and it took me a while to discover how to combine them, but I figured it out.
I want to make films that inspire people. That when they come out of the theater they will see life from a different angle and appreciate what they have more. Or perhaps a movie that depicts the overcoming of obstacles and provides the motivation to battle your own. Or a movie that teaches society about people, and in the process, about themselves. Movies that evoke thought and open minds are truly inspiring, and they are the ones that I wish to make during my lifetime. This career could only be made possible with a college education and degree.
My only setback is that my financial situation could hinder my chances of making this career ambition an actuality. My parents have to provide for two college students, my brother and I; and now that my mother's store went out of business, our household is running on a single income. I remember the strain my brother's first year put on my parents, and it is hard to imagine how much more difficult it will be with me in the picture. My parents have worked extremely hard to provide the best life they could give me and I want to make them proud by receiving a college degree. This scholarship opportunity could make a significant difference in my life and I would be extremely appreciative. I hope to be a valid and worthy candidate of your scholarship recognition.
I ended up changing this entire essay. It's 571 words but I really want to make it into 500 words. Any suggestions?
One way to cut down the word count, would be to get rid of the whole first sentence. Start with the quote by your mother, and it makes it interesting right away. Also, the word "enriched" doesn't belong there.
All these films were presented in such a way that influenced my life.
Maybe this sentence (above) could be cut?
I believe every great movie touches people and they get a glimpse of unknown perspectives .
This scholarship opportunity could make a significant difference in my life and I would extremely regard it hope to be a valid and worthy candidate for your scholarship recognition. Your ending is strong and honest. It's great, but check this last sentence for clarity.
:)
"I am a movie aficionado. The idea of presenting a story through a screen has always really intrigued me. I enjoy the two hours or so of entering into a place I never thought I could end up in. I have seen the slums of Mumbai, heard the wisdom from Benjamin Button, fought the battles with Rocky, and saw true love in Titanic. All these films were presented in such a way that influenced my life. I saw the soul in these characters and felt like I was present, and like I could achieve greatness just as they did. I believe every great movie touches people and they get a glimpse of unknown perspective." You could probably condense all of this into a single sentence and merge it with the following paragraph, if you still need to cut down on the word count.
okay so I revised it, but a lot of scholarships ask you to included volunteer experiences and how they relate to you chosen field, so I added the italized in. Does that flow with the essay? Also I don't know if I should add other volunteer experiences because I'm afraid my essay will be too long. Thank you so much for you help!
For the sake of making that first paragraph well-structured, I think you should find a way to add one more sentence at the end -- a sentnece that refers to your mother once more. See how much that will improve the first paragraph!
I think you should add a sentence to the beginning of the para that starts with I want to make films that inspire people. I think you should add a sentence that says something about combining your interest in helping people (i.e. tutoring, etc.) with your previously described interest in film. That will be a way of tying those previous paragraphs together.
This is looking really good!!
