Please help me restructure this essay, kind of confused!
In a community where everyone assumes responsibility either directly or indirectly, such society I grew up.
At Enugu where I was born: we were born three sons of my mother of which I am the second son. Being independent has always been the order of the day, involving in various activities such as going to the farmland, fetching water before the advent of borehole, and fetching firewood. Every chore was carried out collectively in unity.
Therefore, I am actively involved in the cooking, farming, washing of cloths, and keeping the environment tidy as the saying goes "cleanliness is next to godliness". At this stage I do not pay bills because I was still schooling as the bills was catered for by my parents.
At Lagos where I live: I support to pay some bills because I have a full time job that I do to meet some of our urgent emergency need.
Please explain: if you were to receive this Scholarship, how will your household responsibilities be taken care of in your absence?
The thought on who would assume responsibility becomes worry of the past as a scholar. This is because in my family, we have been trained to be independent from a very tender age. In my family, we are all grown up young men for which each an everyone of us contributes directly or indirectly to make the family harmonious as the saying goes "united will stand and divided will fall".
In terms of chores like fetching firewood, fetching water, and farm work, my immediate elder and younger brothers takes over the responsibility. There's available pipe borne water for the entire community of which tap is situated in my compound. Labourers would be hired when necessary to assist in fetching firewood and in farm work. In cooking and other chore, my mother would take care of it.
Therefore, being a scholar would be advantageous to my family because it has always been our desire to study on scholarship in the international level as we could not afford studying abroad independently without solid financial backbone. Though, my absence would be felt for the duration of my study, but I strongly believed that they would employ every labour needed to meet up with the daily demand.
Summarily, I have been away from home for the past seven years in Lagos where I completed my secondary, and college education and started working there too. Despite that, my family chores have always been done.
Thanks for granting me the opportunity to express myself.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,876 3553
Odenigbo, I really had a tremendously hard time reading your response to the essay. Most of the sentence did not make sense. It appears to me that you ended up accidentally complicating what should have been a simple and straightforward response such as the one below:
My household chores are quite simple. Since we live on a family owned farm, my duties include helping to make sure the farm is in working order by fetching firewood, helping to clean the fields and harvest the crops, and making sure the workers are effectively working alongside my other family members (my mother and my brother) and I. Since we have farm hands to help out in the field, there will always be people available to help my family out in the field.
The same goes for my household chores. My brother can help my mother with the housework duties that used to be my responsibility. Since he is also attending college, my mother will most likely ask a few of the farm hands to help her out at home when my mother is not available or when he needs help to accomplish a task.
While my role in the household and on the farm is important. I am not an irreplaceable part of the working household. Since my mother wishes to ensure a better future for me by having me graduate with a degree, I am more than certain that she and my brother will do their best to manage my chores while I am away at college.