Please I need someone to help to review my essay
Commonwealth scholarships in the UK receive funding from the UK DFID. An important selection criterion is therefore the potential contribution that you will make to development if you receive a commonwealth scholarship. You must provide a statement explaining how your proposed study relates to development need. You are advised in your statement to describe how your plan of study or research relates to development in your sector and country, and how it relates to your chosen theme. Please say how, on your return, you will apply your new skills and qualification and describe the outcome you hope to achieve and the time-frame for their implementation. This could usefully be related to a national development priority or objective. Please also suggest how the impact of the potential benefits of your work might be measured and describe a typical potential beneficiary from the study/research.(up to 500 words)
Commonwealth scholarship application essay
The scourge of the endemicity/epidemics of infectious diseases like meningitis and yellow fever has reached unbearable proportions in Nigeria. The latest outbreak of meningitis, for example, claimed a reported 1,166 lives in just over 23 weeks. This does not include deaths from other communicable diseases like malaria, measles, tuberculosis, diarrheal diseases, etc. Vaccine-preventable diseases remain the commonest cause of childhood mortality with an estimated 3 million deaths annually.
The major underlying issues include unavailability of vaccines, absence of adequate laboratory facilities to make prompt diagnosis, monitor and study the genetic variations of these pathogens, the inability to locally produce vaccines/antibodies and the lack of the technologies and expertise thereof.
Following recent outbreaks, the Federal Ministry of Health (FMOH) made concrete plans to revitalize the Federal Vaccine Production Laboratory in order to prioritize local production of vaccines. The project dubbed "Biovaccine Nigeria Limited" is primarily aimed at ensuring a sustained availability of essential vaccines in the country. In addition, the laboratory will support innovative technologies used in molecular diagnostics of infectious diseases and the application of biotechnology to vaccine production. It is projected to be fully operational within the next four years.
Acquiring an MSc degree in Molecular Genetics/Diagnostics will be a timely achievement because at the end of the program, I must have gained considerable knowledge on the molecular biology of infectious pathogens, acquired the requisite laboratory skills in molecular microbiology/immunology with experience in related molecular diagnostic techniques and have accumulated relevant research, statistical and bioinformatics skills.
Upon completion of this course, I will use the skills and knowledge I would acquire to make significant contribution to the federal government project. I will apply to work as a Clinical Research Scientist at the FMOH where I will be involved in the biosynthesis of vaccines, carry out extensive research and laboratory work on the common bacterial and viral pathogens, and also introduce the newer molecular methods for diagnosing and monitoring infectious diseases. These highly sensitive, specific and reproducible diagnostic methods will ensure early disease detection and a high quality cost-effective patient care. Also, the resultant sustained availability of vaccines and prompt interventions during outbreaks which will in turn reduce the incidence of vaccine-preventable diseases will place Nigeria on a strong pedestal towards achieving the targets of the UN Sustainable Development Goal of "ensuring healthy lives and promoting wellbeing". I will also collaborate with the Nigerian Institute for Medical Research to train interested scientists to gain hands-on skills in these molecular diagnostic techniques. This will create more skilled personnel and in turn strengthen the Nigerian health system and capacity. I aim to achieve these within five years following completion of these course.
I will also upload the result of my work on the Nigerian Health Journal which will be readily accessible for the commission to measure its impact towards development. Also, analyzing national infectious disease prevalence/incidence rates as well as improved disease detection is another objective way the impact can be measured.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 ARUM, have you given any consideration to working in cooperation with the DFID in your country? Since the funding of the scholarship you will be receiving will be coming out of this specific agency anyway, the best method by which the success of your project will be to collaborate on a specific project with them through an agency that they support in your country. Implying such a measurement option will make your project easier to keep track of should you be awarded the scholarship.
By the way, this is an academic paper so you need to avoid using such casual terms as "etc." in the presentation. Always present a complete sentence which does not indicate that there is more you have to say. Simply say everything you have to say rather than risk making your paragraph sound so light and trivial with the use of "etc." Don't say "I must have" but rather "I will be able to". Your first presentation indicates a "hope" rather than an "expectation" which is what the sentence should be implying.
The essay itself shows a solid plan of action and has the potential to be of help in Nigeria. Whether this is a strong enough a developmental need for you to qualify for the scholarship is something that I cannot assess. However, I believe this essay to be one worthy of consideration by the reviewer along with your other submitted documents.
