I am writting an essay for a scholarship, but I am stuck. I was wondering if anyone could help me edit this essay? If you disagree, what other facts should I add?
Thanks!
Many experts believe an influx of foreign-born workers will be an effective solution to a future labor shortage, when "baby boomers" reach the age of retirement. Either agree or disagree with this statement and explain your rationale.
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My responce:
America's economy is struggling with the help of two major players. One is the surge of foreign-born workers in America, and two, the aging baby boomers. In response to this essay, I firmly believe that America will not benefit from foreign-born workers, it will only make matters worse. For example, if the illegal immigrants come to our country at the same rate as they are now, our economy and political backgrounds will be tremendously effected. The impact of foreign-born workers are beginning to affect this nation as we speak. The high price of health care and education are taking a toll on Americans. It is causing the normal American family to compete with foreign-born workers for the basic necessities they need to survive.
Much has been written about the increase of illegal immigrants and foreign-born workers in America. Yet, no one seems to realize the impact they have on our society. They not only have a great impact on our economy and education, but our social security, Medicare, and Medicaid as well. Our language is also having an effect on America.
Greetings!
I think you've written a very good essay! I have just a few editing suggestions:
One is the surge of foreign-born workers in America, and the second is the aging baby boomers.
will be tremendously affected
The impact of foreign-born workers is beginning to affect this nation
Good work!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
What other facts or information could I add to make it sound appealing? It is suposed to be 750 words, and I am a bit stumped.
Greetings!
You make assertions which could use a bit of bolstering with concrete facts. For example:
The high price of health care and education are taking a toll on Americans. - what sort of toll? how?
They not only have a great impact on our economy and education, but our social security, Medicare, and Medicaid as well. Our language is also having an effect on America. - what kind of impact? And, I'm not sure if it's "Our language" that is having the effect on American. Do you mean foreign languages, such as the way Spanish is becoming used more and more?
You may need to do a little research in order to support the positions that you take. I don't know how much time you have, but if you could add some statistics (with appropriate citations) it might make it more impressive. Of course, that may be more than what you were asked to do, but it will be more impressive to support your assertions with facts.
Good luck!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
I am still overlooking my essay, but here's what I have written so far. Could someoen help me edit this? THanks!
The idea of a labor shortage occurring in North America is a false statement, and I disagree with the fact that foreign-born workers will be helpful in years to come. Many American's are idly sitting around contemplating whether or not if immigrants are helpful to our society. They consider Mexican immigrants a burden to our economy, health care system, and job security. They also want us to believe that our economy will experience a labor shortage in the next 5 to 10 years. This is both misleading and a myth. Its an belief that is enriched by the mainstream media and by the political elites to gain the attention by the feeble minded American's. No surprise there, since politician's will try anything to gain attention. You can see this in the immigration debate.
So what's the real story? The labor shortage lie, of course. The truth is that there is no such thing as a labor shortage, it's simply cheap labor. This is why many American companies hire immigrants, especially Mexican immigrants, they are more impressionable. Many politicians here in America, including John McCain claims that Americans just don't want to do certain jobs immigrants are willing to do. The big reason why you see more immigrants working on farms is because they are being paid pennies. This is both unfair to Americans and to immigrants who work hard to help prosper American companies.
Another argument suggests that by 2015, one fifth of the workers will be over 55 leaving a huge gap which the new generation will be unable to fill in those jobs. But this kind of argument has its flaws. First, the new generation is becoming more advanced, more skilled, and working longer than the baby boomer generation. Today, the retirement age of the new generation is 62, not 55. As American's become more health conscious, the new generation will live past 77 years. So what is happening with the labor shortage? That's just one problem: It isn't happening. It's simply a myth being kept alive by those who blithely blame immigrants for the myriad of problems in our country.
Even if America experiences labor shortage in the near future, it is feasible that we will bounce back like before. Here's a suggestion: If American companies want to continue to thrive in the global business world, then they must invest in native born citizens and the technology to keep their companies going. They need to change their tactics on how they conduct their business. They need to see that slavery was abolished hundreds of years ago, and stop paying immigrants slave wages. Whatever happened to our laws? Our human rights? I guess all that matters to an American business owner is how much he can save.
