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"How I Intend to use benefits from scholarship and possible constraints" - AAS 2017 Essay Task 3


Monica26 2 / 2 1  
Apr 30, 2017   #1
I'm writing an essay for AAS application for enrollment in 2018. The prompt is"a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and

b) list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks."


Maximum characters 2000.

Please kindly help me review the content and if it's possible to point on grammar error, as english is not my first language. Thank you in advance :)

(Essay's draft after the break)
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some obstacles which might disturb my plans regarding the scholarship



First, I want to work as a private consultant who works closely with government and property developer which focus, but not limited to, on land-use plan and zoning may it a renewal of urban area or master planning. Furthermore, to expand my chance in the planning industry, I intend to use established networks on my postgraduate years to make international planning consultancy since we are no longer confined by physical boundaries such as distances and time. We can have several representative offices across the globe which means we can enrich ourselves with diverse projects.

Second, holding a master degree I am eligible to apply as a lecturer in the university. At the same time, my experience in planning consultancies will provide facts and data to be used as case-study by students which will let them practice their knowledge and I am in place to inspire and encourage them to pursue higher education in order to prepare young generation for future challenges. I also believe practice and academic need to be hand in hand in order to discover new things. By becoming lecturer I put myself in a continues learning community. Furthermore, with enough experiences both in practice and academic field, I am qualified to be part of expertise who can influence spatial planning policies, thus I have greater bargaining position in creating viable built-environment.

Third, I shall use my knowledge and skills in architecture and planning for society by joining in volunteer organization such as Habitat for Humanity. There are still many people in Jakarta living under flyovers or along river banks with a poor condition whereas we can take part to improve their living conditions. But most of the time we need so many support for charity and voluntary work, either in manpower or financial support. By becoming a member of alumni of Australia Awards Global and Indonesia Alumni Network, I think it will help me a great deal to muster needed supports. I am positive could employ international researchers from highly regarded institutions to do research for society's improvement.

While there are some examples of how I intend to use the benefits from scholarship, I also foresee possible constraints such as registering my business and getting through complicated bureaucracy, finding suitable projects as Indonesia's developers have not been accustomed to urban planner's merit, making profits, build on my leadership traits, and so on.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,766 4768  
Apr 30, 2017   #2
Monica, all of your reference to the actual application of your course of study is vague and general in application. While the essay does allow you to use personal examples in the response, what you provide doesn't really quality as a complete response. It would be best if you focus your response on a personal application as a private consultant. That way you can focus the whole response on a discussion that better fits in with your concluding paragraph. Explain 3 methods of give 3 examples based on your private consultancy and then the that in with the obstacles in your path. Problems such as registering your business, profiting your office, and getting past government beuracracy will create the best for of response, based upon your current draft. Your collaboration ideas are alright, but it doesn't really let did examples of the applicable moments regarding your studies when compared to the private consultancy. Remember, your response here is just a basis of your possible future plans. This doesn't mean that this is exactly what you will do our experience as obstacles. The reviewer just wants to see how serious you are about your application by asking you these questions.


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