Topic: Choose a significant historical event in the last 100 years and explain why, in your opinion, it was important. The event can be the development of an idea, discovery or invention, a moment that expressed a change in society, or natural event. It may be national or global, and either a single moment or an event which took place over a period of time.( 600-800 words)
Discovery in the last 100 years
In contemporary society, demand for a kind of system to associate people together and to be a useful source of information is crucial. Based on this, the Internet was invented and marked an important milestone of mordern life. It is a symbol of progress in science and technology as well as the foundation of human developed citilization.
The Internet is defined as an international network system bring the whole of world to screens. This means it connects poeple living far away with each other and supply an unlimited range of worldwide data through networking devices such as smart phones, computers and laptops. The idea of this amazing system was come up with in 1960s, the father of the Internet, however, is American Ministry of Defence, which was conducting an army research project in 1969. In the initial stages of invented process, the Internet was simply used to share information between internal goverment. In the next 10 years, it step by step has a various official applications in society.
It is not denied that most of the man go insane or even can not breath without the Internet as it plays a vital role in their daily life. First of all, this system is believed to be a key of entertainment growth. As the pace of busy life makes human exhausted and extremely stressed, the Internet is one of the most effective tools to let their hair down. Instead of looking for a TV to watch or a radio to listen as being under pressure, what present peple need to do is accessing to the Internet by their smartphones and do all of these thins online. A variety of films for all ages, from cantoon such as Tom and Jerry, Sleeping Beauty,... to sci-fi movies such as Star War or X-men can be all searched on the Internet. In addtion, the trend of using social network, Facebook, Instagram,..., for example, is more and more prevalent through the Internet. Theses apps are really fascinating as they seem to be a type of place for every citizens, especially teenagers, share their feeling, moments and chats together. In fact, there are some words that can not express directly such as confession of love, apology,.. ;therefore, the Internet, particularly social network, is the solution to this. Each individual can send messages including their feelings to the others without embarrassmnet since they do not have to be in face-to-face situation. In constrast, thanks to this form of contact, some of the human can keep in touch with their friends as well as relatives living far away from them These ones can connect immediately with each other at any time, any where as long as the Internet is available by applying video calls in Messengers, Zalo,etc,...while in the past, before the invention of the Internet, they have to wait for reply in approxiately a couple of months. As a result, the Internet, principally social network, has made a contribution to enhancement of entertainment and communication around the world.
Second, another advantage that human have taken of the Internet is the advance of education. Obviously, from the moment that the Internet was public, both teachers and students find it easier to approach lessons and update their educational methods. For students, the Internet is a great source of answers to their questions. It supplies a huge of knowledge about nature as well as society which may hardly be found in normal reference books. Furthermore, there are many convenient online courses when pupils self-study with self-awardness and assdiousness. Beside, for teaching, the Internet is successful support. A large number of pictures and videos which makes every period much more lively and attractive is likely to be found on the Internet, resulting in pratical and effective classes along with acquirement at ease. Moreover, refer some available lessons from the Internet, which helps their preparation betterand faster, Thereforem what the Internet benefits to development of education is so priceless that teaching and learning must cope with a lot of challenges and obstacle without it.
Last but not least, for developed-economy nations, the Internet is part and parcel of society. Nowadays, the trade between neighbor countries is reinforced owing to the tranmission of the Internet. Most of commercial documents are sent by email or social networ; therefore, it saves much time as well as money of delivery. Furthermore, oversea investors can also have meetings through the screens of computers connecting to the Internet in the view to solving alarming problems on time. Additionally, what makes the Internet valuable is its online business. It is unimaginale that most of online shops make much more profits on this form of selling. The main reasons are they have many marketing campaigns and do not have to pay for business tax. This widen consuming market and boost the rise of economy. Thus, it is not unnecessary to have an emergence of the Internet in innovated economy.
In conclusion, the Internet is approciated as the most essential invention applied in a lot of different human aspects and as the motivation of technology development. There will be no evolution of science if there is no appearance of a system like this. Consequently, to my mind, one of the most significant events is the invention of the Internet in the last 100 years.
p/s: This is the first time that I have written this kind of essay, so there are a lot of mistakes, please help me to correct all of them. Thank you so much!!Hi, your writing is pretty clear and understandable for the most part, but your essay seems very scattered to me. It reads as a list of all the things the internet can do, without enough overall structure or organization. Your education paragraph is better, but your "internet is key of entertainment growth" topic sentence does not really describe the content of that paragraph and your "internet is part and parcel of society" topic sentence is too broad and vague. Here are some specific suggestions and corrections:
system to associate people together {this sounds odd - maybe "allow people to associate together"
the foundation of human developed civilization. {there is no way you can argue that the internet is the foundation of civilization}
network system bringing the whole of the world to screens.
with each other and supplies an unlimited range
The idea for this amazing ... {"was come up with" sounds awkward - maybe "was generated" or "was proposed"}
the father of the Internet, however, is ... {usually "father" is one person}
In the next 10 years, it step by step had various
It is not denied that most men go insane or cannot even breathe without the Internet {I for one deny this! }
need to do is access the Internet
X-men can be all searched for on the Internet. {or better, can all be found}
type of place for every citizen
share their feelings, moments
some of the humans can keep in touch {"humans" sounds odd unless you are talking about biology or comparing humans with animals}
before the invention of the Internet, they had to wait for a reply
teachers and students found it easier
It supplies a huge {need a noun here} of knowledge
Moreover, refer some available lessons from the Internet, {this refer is incorrect and unclear}
which helps their preparation {need a verb here} better and faster
between neighboring countries is reinforced
Most of commercial documents
it is not unnecessary {this double negative is confusing}
and as the motivation of technology development. {this last point was not really discussed in your essay, so do not raise it for the first time in your conclusion}
There will be no evolution of science if there is no appearance of a system like this.{this seems exaggerated to me}
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Minh, your approach to the essay should be improved upon as you are just spinning your wheels and not going anywhere with your declarations. Your paragraphs are not properly attuned to the prompt requirements because you just keep on throwing out information without really having a purpose. There is no outline for your essay which is why your essay doesn't make a valid point. This could very well conclude your scholarship application. It is not the kind of essay that a reviewer will actually take the bother to finish reading. You must write a totally new essay based on the internet topic based upon my suggested outline:
1. Past - What was life like before the internet? What difficulties in communication, information exchange, and entertainment existed? (200 words)
2. The Emergence of the Internet - When the internet first emerge and what was its purpose? How did its primarily military purpose slowly evolve into a commercial objective? (300 words)
3. The Modern World of the Internet - What is life like now that indicates the influence of the internet? Why do you consider this a good thing? (200 words)
4. The Future Internet World - Why do you think the internet will continue to be important in the future? What do you think the next evolution of the internet will be in say 20 years from now? (100 words).
Outlining your discussion points, organizing your thoughts, and actually being able to hazard a word count requirement per topic outline is imperative in this sort of essay. If necessary, you may adjust the word count to suit your needs. The point is, every word that you type, sentence that you complete, and paragraph that you present to the reviewer must carry relevant information and offer an insight into your manner of thinking and analysis.
