Please help me to give inputs on my essay. thanks!!
How did you choose your proposed course and institution? (2000 characters)
Master of Protected Area Management in James Cook University
Firstly, I look at the correlation to my responsibilities as analyst of marine protected area (MPA) at Department of Marine and Fisheries (DMF) of NTB Province. My current role is design and planning program for developing marine protected area (MPA) in NTB Province including collecting, surveying, managing and processing data and statistic of marine natural resources.
Secondly, there is many problems occurred inside the MPA, such as destructive fishing, tourism unsustainability effect, climate change, overlapping interest, massive and destruct development. The impact of these problems causes destruction of marine ecosystem in MPA. This problem would be also a constraint for Indonesia to adopt set goals in Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs), especially "life below water goal". To overcome these problems, NTB Province needs a better and innovative MPA management which integrated with multi stakeholders. I have discussed with my head department about this problem also he encouraged and supported to me to develop MPA in NTB Province. That is my reason to choose Master of Protected Area Management in James Cook University (JCU) to improve the capacity and capability of the DMF of NTB.
Moreover, I have visited JCU campus to explore about protected area management course when I attended short course in Queensland. JCU offer various subjects which can be contributed to link and enrich the connection of climate change issues and natural resources destruction issues. JCU offers relevant subjects to my needs such as Management of MPA, Marine Conservation Biology, Biodiversity and Climate Change, also Managing Coastal and Marine Environment. Subjects offered in this course are very critical to learn in order to be knowledgeable about various contexts of conservation. Moreover, JCU also have the best facilities and experts in the MPA, especially in the tropical water
personally, I think your essay is great. You explain the reason very specific and connect the future study with your background.
my only advice is, don't use abbreviation without explaining the full name first. For instance, what is NTB stands for?
have a look on my essay too!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3497
Fajar, in my opinion, the first paragraph of your essay should be reserved to open the essay response about how your course of study will improve your career opportunities. That is a solid description of your career and the background of your job which can directly relate to that particular prompt. It is wasted in this particular essay because it doesn't really offer a solid connection to the prompt requirement. This prompt focuses more on the problem areas of your job rather than your professional background. As for the second paragraph. The first part of the response is very strong. However, the part about the facilities and experts sounds too common. My advice, is to skip that sentence and just keep the previous sections of the paragraph intact. That revision will help you to close the essay on a strong note. You have written a pretty good essay that only needs minor tweaks. These suggestions should help to create the final version of the paper.