Can you please give advice on this essay?
Trigger for having interest in this country?
The word 'Japan' or 'Japanese' has never been a strange word nor a sudden trigger in my whole life. When I was around 5 years old, I was given a Japanese-English graphic storybook by a friend of my family as a souvenir from Japan. Even though I couldn't read it at that time, I still remembered about my mother reading it to me. Growing up, I heard highly about Japan, such as companion robots inventions from TV news, delicious sushi or even the anime Naruto. Despite the fact that I am aware of its existence in my surrounding, it has not been taken as part of my life. However, everything changed when I enrolled into university. Before choosing Computer Science major, I didn't own a computer nor had a basic knowledge. The only thing I learned from my summer computer training class in Grade-5 was that I could type with computers and played games. The reason I decisively chose that major against my odds was to know what exactly I could do with computers. As much as the coursework was fascinating and it enlightened me, it cannot be denied that my freshman year was quite challenging and exhausting. During that stressful moments, listening to Japanese songs and watching anime became my guilty pleasure. The language and its culture gradually grew on me. Later, as I wanted to understand more, I finally decided to learn Japanese during my free time. The more I learn the language, the more I come across amazing culture. Though my Japanese learning journey is still young and I hasn't mastered it yet, it is undeniable that my desire to experience the culture and learn more about it, is as strong as ever.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178
The Japanese take their studies very seriously. They expect foreign student applicants to show the same dedication to studies. When choosing to apply to study in Japan, the applicant must show hour Japan inspired his desire to learn. A 5-year old receiving a graphic storybook does not reflect that. A 5 year old does not have career ambitions yet and cannot be realistically influenced to make life choices. Yes Japan is known for animation just like Korea is known for K-Pop. Both countries excel in entertainment but neither want their study applicants to use that aA reasons to study in their countries.
Relate more of the response to the chosen major for clarity and continuity. Get inspiration to study in Japan from their gadget leadership in the market. Be inspired by Japanese brands like Motorola. Show an interest in their microchip breakthroughs. Keep it focused and related to your chosen major. How you were introduced to Japan is irrelevant. How you were inspired to learn from Japan is considerable. This essay lacks that focus. Focus on your major in relation to a desire to immerse in the relevant Japanese culture.