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"Jasmine Reveolution"; issue of personal, local, or national concern


Loguisvitch 1 / 2  
Jan 26, 2013   #1
(app. 500 words)
One of the most important national concerns in Tunisia is the "Jasmine revolution" and its aftermath. Its impact crossed the border of the country and to settle in the whole Arab World.. I was born and raised in this tiny North African country from which sprang the Arab Revolution. I was only fifteen when it took place, and I could see what the dimness of injustice and darkness of corruption had done to my country. I realized what it was like to experience nearly twenty three years of dictatorship when I saw how all the citizens were united and ousted the dictator.

On the 14th of January, a new feeling was born in us. This feeling had roots going back to the time when Bourguiba and his companions struggled against colonialism. We felt like we were thousands and thousands of Bourguibas fighting to set our country free once again. However, there was no more one unique leader, every single one in the crowd was. Patriotism was finally liberated from the hideous bounds used for more than two decades. For the first time, we felt that this country belonged to us and that we could do whatever we wanted with it without taking into consideration the limits of ambition. The « I »was no longer a small particle that cannot go far, the « I » became crucial: « I » can make a difference, and huge one! This event was one of the most significant ones for me. It radically changed my perspective regarding many aspects of life, and enabled me to notice how unexpectedly considerable the changes we could make were if we only accepted to put some personal interests aside and work together. Today, more than ever, I feel responsible for my country.

The 14th of January was only the first step: the march towards democracy has just begun. Tunisia still has several unpleasant experiences to go through, and help - particularly from young Tunisian people- is needed. In order to face the increasingly growing threat of Islamist extremism, I think Tunisia needs its youth to receive an education that will one day enable them to give back to the country what it has given them. By making sure the country stays on the right democratic path, a Tunisian citizen is accomplishing his or her duty. This work is vital for a whole nation: the basis of a democratic common life - education, art, civil rights in general and women's in particular - is threatened to be violated to serve personal and unacceptable ideological interests with extremist tendencies.

As a responsible citizen, it is my duty to prevent this kind of regress from happening. There is only one way to do so: education is the key. In my opinion, the multicultural education AUP provides is the perfect starting point: it is the kind of education that it would be ideal to receive in order to ensure the capacity and means to be a useful citizen and help with the good development of Tunisia.

(504 words)
megciso 1 / 5 1  
Jan 26, 2013   #2
Your middle and ending are very strong and it makes the opening fall flat. It was almost as if your essay switched academic gears halfway through and to me, that's a little bit of a red flag because it's like two different people wrote it. I would focus on strengthening the beginning so it's at the same par as the rest of the essay. Overall, good job.
OP Loguisvitch 1 / 2  
Jan 26, 2013   #3
Thank you for your help!
OP Loguisvitch 1 / 2  
Jan 27, 2013   #4
Hello :) I tried to change the introduction so here is the new one (but I feel it doesn't stick with the rest of the essay)

Tunisian leader Habib Bourguiba said once: "Yesterday they were reduced and complexed. Today, women became full-fledged citizens: it is the first flower of independence." And there I was, on the 13th of August, protesting in Tunis against the outrageous draft law which stated that "Women are complementary to men". The Islamist-dominated parliamentary committee approved of this article regardless of our historical background. They forgot that Carthage was founded by Queen Dido. They forgot what Habib Bourguiba established for women. They forgot they were in Tunisia, the country from which sprang the "Jasmine Revolution": on the 14th of January, men and women protested together on an equal footing and ousted the dictator.


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