1) Who is the most interesting person you have ever met? What makes him or her interesting?
(Answer must be between 80 and 120 words.)
A helpless 19 year old who commands endless services might be the way most people would describe my brother, Keng. While it is true he cannot feed himself, walk or even talk...my life is forever and for better...changed. I can't lie, he needs 24 hour care but life has taught me, Keng has taught me, many of life's greatest moments come from challenges. Keng, my brother is the most interesting person I have ever met growing up. At eight months my brother Keng had a disease called Brian disorder ever since then everyday is a struggle to him physically and emotionally. Taking caring of my brother along with my parents isn't easy but it is a blessing in our life.
A helpless 19 year old who commands endless services might be the way most people would describe my brother, Keng. While it is true he cannot feed himself, walk or even talk... my life is forever and for better... changed. I can't lie , he needs 24 hour care but life has taught me, Keng has taught me, many of life's greatest moments come from challenges. Keng, my brother is the most interesting person I have ever met growing up. At eight months my brother Keng had a disease called Brian disorder ever since then everyday is a struggle to him physically and emotionally. Taking caring of my brother along with my parents isn't easy but it is a blessing in our life.
Very good quick, crisp answer. You do the same thing I find myself doing quite a bit and that is writing how I would personally speak it. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work well in essays (depending on the reader). Consider removing the ellipses in the begginning and possibly rewriting the last half of that sentence. You have a good start with it though.
I suggest replaces "I can't lie" with a different transition. "Despite the fact that..."
Highlighted typo (?) comma in red.
With "Keng, my brother", pick one or the other. We already know his name is Keng and he is your brother, now we just need the single identifier.
In blue there is a grammatical error. Doesn't flow correctly. Consider splitting into 2 sentences or positioning a comma.
Hope those suggestions help. Great job.
Great introduction! Really like it.
I can't lie => I'd say "I have to admit that"
taught me, many => taught me THAT many
You should switch the sentence stating your brother is the most interesting person with the one before it.
Brian disorder ever since => Brian disorder. Ever since
Taking caring of => Taking CARE of
Best
I agree with Grimes. There needs to be a definite identifier for your person of interest.
I would take out the comma between "Keng has taught me" and "many of life's greatest".
"Brian disorder ever since then everyday is a struggle to him physically and emotionally." => "Brian disorder. Ever since then, everyday is a struggle to him, physically and emotionally."
