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Kenya and India - write on a topic that is of importance to you, and reflects who you are.

vedantpatel 1 / -  
Nov 4, 2019   #1

Values and Virtues

Being a person raised in Kenya with parents that originated from India, I could not help but notice how the virtues and values of people has been changing overtime. There used to be a time when parents would be kept on top of the world, meaning that they would be respected with the respect they deserve for raising the child however these days it has become an issue, an issue increasingly seen in this modernizing world, where technology and the people online are more important than those that held you in the womb for nine months and those that provided for you by working hard day and night to get you that iPhone you had been asking for.There after when they grow up, they do not take care of their parents but instead go and dump then in a elderly home, even after being taken care of for so long.

The future of the world seems to turn more and more away from such values, as the oncoming generation seems to be losing their values such as tolerance and forgiveness. Recently the most horrifying story I had heard that i will never forget is that of a boy in India that killed one of their parents for an online video game known as PUBG. The boy could not realize that the parents were trying to help him get rid of his addiction towards the game, only if he had had tolerance and understanding towards his parents, he would have realized his mistake and would have improved on his life.This ties into another concern that has recently being an increasing issue is the god fearing nature of people has reduced, as many would say that science is all true and god isn't which in its self is alright however some of them then have nothing to fear about being punished for doing wrong deeds making people careless about others and only more about themselves.

Luckily, being raised in Kenya allowed me to be safe from the technological boom that happened in India, corrupting the minds of teenagers and children. As I have help learning the values and virtues that one must have in life to be a successful person, that help was my religion, they taught me how to respect elders to ethics of life such as honesty, tolerance and many others. It has been the center of my life since I was old enough to understand, having my life being on where i have feared and prayed god I have been able to guide my way through life with the correct choices and be able to resist peer pressure to do the wrong things and also learn more about my culture and understanding of the people around me.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Nov 7, 2019   #2
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! Hopefully, my feedback will give you insight on how to improve your writing. Don't be afraid to reach out to us and ask for more details!

The first paragraph, while it is technically alright, still lacks a bit of emphasis when it comes to ensuring that you aren't stretching your sentences too thin. For example, the second sentence seemingly is too lengthy, making it harder to comprehend what the core message you are trying to deliver is. Try to be more straightforward. When you are dealing with the initial part of the essay, it is important to have clarity on what you are trying to portray because it will give the readers a better idea of what you should anticipate.

In the latter parts of your writing, I find that it is already quite decent. What I think can help improve your conclusive remarks, however, would be the usage of a primary value throughout your writing. It is always beneficial for you to introduce a statement value that will be embraced and echoed throughout the rest of your writing. Doing this will help the readers recognize the core values of your writing.

Best of luck as always.

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