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KGSP 2019 UG Application- "Why Korea?" (Embassy Track)

yst2 1 / -  
Oct 4, 2018   #1
Hi everyone~ I am applying for the Korean Government Scholarship for 2019 via the embassy track. This is my first draft of the personal statement and hope I can get help in helping me summarise my paragraphs ( i feel it's too long) but any advice on the content is also highly appreciated. Thanks. I am applying for Psychology (should I only mention it in my study plan?)

Thanks a lot

kgsp application - psychology study field

The Korean Government Scholarship Program (referred to KGSP from hereon) is a great opportunity for me to develop into an individual fit to face the Fourth Industrial Revolution. I am motivated to apply for the program because I want to grow and improve personal aspects such as knowledge, soft skills, confidence and outlook. The 5 years studying in Korea through this program would improve the aspects mentioned above as I would have to be adapt to a foreign cultural environment by being independent and taking initiative as an undergraduate. I am also greatly attracted by the rich and long culture of Korea, especially Confucianism. Coming from a high school that incorporates ancient Chinese values and Confucianism into its curriculum, I appreciate the importance of adhering to traditions of past which gives me a fulfilling sense of cultural and racial identity. Another aspect that I admire is the Korean work ethic, which has played a key role in the success of Korean businesses across the world in the fields of technology, entertainment, retail, food and beverages as well as cosmetics. I wish to absorb the Korean culture of working smart, hard, paying attention to details while minimizing errors to make me a well-rounded individual that can contribute to society positively. I also get to know in depth about Korean culture in the form of its social structures, values, art, literature and music. I would also be in touch with people from other corners of the globe which would broaden my perspectives and understanding of others. I also want to exchange cultural knowledge with Koreans and people of other countries by participating in cultural events organized by others in addition to helping those which are organized by Malaysians. This would be the first step in improving bilateral relationship between Korea and Malaysia. The chance to learn Hangul would also improve my employability as I can communicate effectively with Koreans. I am fluent in three languages (English, Malay, Chinese) and the addition of a fourth language would allow me to work with as well as help shorten the communication gap between people who speak different languages. I deem this an important personal aim if I succeed to be a KGSP recipient because I can contribute to the Malaysian and Korean companies that are expanding in both countries.

I am the youngest in a family of four. My parents share the same idea with most Korean households that education should be me and my brother's number one priority. They have supported our studies financially and morally with the greatest love and dedication that only a parent is capable of. I am very grateful for that as well as their feedback and guidance which gave me a lot of courage to apply for the KGSP. My father has worked hard throughout his life to support his parents and his 6 younger siblings. The life lessons he acquired along the way has been passed on to me. Without him, I wouldn't be the person that I am today for he has instilled in me many positive values. My mother is a caring individual who takes cares of us to ensure we live comfortably. My brother is an intelligent and hard-working university student who has a bright future. I hope to learn from each of them to be a better person overall. It's my responsibility to work hard in my studies and in the future workplace so that I can place myself in a position where I am able to take care of my family's needs and repay my debt for their gratitude.

I was educated for most of my schooling years at schools that use Chinese as the main medium of teaching. I was placed in the first class for every year except first year of primary school and this had a profound impact on me. The competitiveness in all my classes had forced me to push myself to my limits to stay competitive. Reflecting on this however, many fun memories were made during my school years even though it was tiring. The sense of accomplishment after such competition is also an addictive one. Although Chinese as the main medium of teaching, the natural sciences are still taught in English while the humanities were taught in both Chinese and Malay. I majored in science for high school from which I learned scientific qualities such as logical reasoning. I also improved my reasoning and analytical abilities studying social sciences such as economics and psychology for my A-Levels in addition to Mathematics and Physics.

As a member of my college's student council, I learned how to communicate and work effectively as a team. At high school, I acquired discipline as prefect. I was also Vice-President of the Science Club where I learned how to manage groups and individuals. My involvement in these extracurricular activities taught me how to balance time between studies and activities, as well as managing stress. Beyond that, I enjoy playing sports such as badminton and football, which require teamwork and resilience. These skills would be helpful in my preparation for the KGSSP program.

I was glad and honoured to receive the Outstanding Scholar award from my college in recognition of my A-Level results. This is a great source of pride or me and I feel more motivated than ever to succeed in my studies at undergraduate level because my effort will be given recognition. I really hope with utmost sincerity that I can go to the next stage of the KGSP application. I am willing to challenge myself and take a risk studying in Korea in a language that I am starting afresh from as I believe the sense of fulfillment gained and bright future is well worth the effort.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Oct 5, 2018   #2
Yong, please remove all instances or sentences where you plead for admission to the KGSP program. Groveling won't get you anywhere. It is your credentials and strength of your other paperwork that will help you get through the consideration rounds. Remove The first sentence of your first paragraph. Revise it as well to reflect an academic motivation based on any strengths of the Korean Psychological advancements that you may have come across during your preliminary studies or at the time you were developing your interests. You need to have a motivational factor that relates not only to the historical significance of Korea, its culture, its social norms, and any connection with Chinese culture, but also to your chosen major. As an embassy track applicant, you still have to give an academic goal for yourself in relation to the KGSP program.

The first paragraph is extremely long and will tend to bore the reviewer because you are being too wordy in it. Focus on presenting your academic motivation for applying to the program above everything else. That is the most important reason and the major consideration you have for applying for this program. Remember that. Everything else is secondary information that may be presented in a shorter or collective method.

The rest of the essay is alright in terms of content presentation except when you get to the last paragraph, remove the last 2 sentences where you appeal for admission to the program. That isn't how this essay works. Strengthen the relevant content based on the prompt. You will be assessed for admission based on skills and other considerations, not because you begged to be admitted into the program.

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