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KGSP biological science personal statement; "the driving force"

Giusi 1 / -  
Feb 18, 2019   #1

What push me to Korea

During my thesis internship, I met a Korean girl who was studying at my university. We immediately became friends, exchanging informations about our countries. I already wanted to apply to GKS, but this friendship enhanced my desire. What push me to Korea is the care of this country about my field of study: Biotechnology. I read an article on Nature about all the investments in research made by Korea in this years. I love my field of study and I think that study and work in a country such as Korea where this field is so well established would be a incentive and a pleasure to myself. In one of my lecture , my professor talked a lot about KRIBB (Korea Research Institute of Bioscience and Biotechnology) and I read a lot of papers they published. This centre has all the excellences in research of Korea and I really would like to have the chance to follow their future works.Another reason for my application is that I would like to keep a good relationship with Korea, spreading my deep passion for this country, helping foreign students there, and promoting all the Korean ventures in my country. I already do something similar for my high school as I participate every year at my schools "open day" where I give advices to future students telling them about my past experiences such as my 2 months scholarship abroad in Brighton,UK, in 2015.

In my middle school I was one of the best students of my year. I won a medal for my grades, especially for ones in foreign languages. This, my passion for reading and the one for English music pushed me to pursued my languages studies. Despite the possibility of studying other European languages such as Spanish and German, I choose to study ancient latin and greek in high school. This choice is justify by my desire to know the origin of everything, to understand what is on the basis of modern knowledge. This love for my culture and this ancient language, took me to excel in this two subjects, gaining a gold medal in a translating competition, moreover I didn't ignore my school tasks, and at the end of my senior year I won another medal for my results. Therefore, once that my thirst for knowledge of linguistic was satisfied I want to know more about biology. I am finishing my Bachelor in Biotechnology with a thesis about the role of male ncRNA in male infertility. This topic really aroused me, and lead me to want to go deeper in drugs study. That is why I choose "Biological Science" as my Master degree program. I truly believe that research is really important nowadays. I live in a area famous for air and ground pollution dued to a bad management of garbage. Since I was a little girl I grew up with the fear of breast and uterine cancer, and I want to work on drugs, to new RNA vectors, new therapies to fight it. I owe it to my mum, my sister, to myself and to all girls of the world. In my free time, I go volunteering in hospitals doing clown therapy, and trying to cheer up the ills. If I come to Korea I would like to keep this habit, and, if I can, to drag my future fellow students.

As I said before, my desire to study and live in Korea has never faded out but it was the driving force that made me work harder for what I want even more. That is why for all my Bachelor's years I have been working to support my future studies in Korea. I have been a waitress, a children entertainer, a salesgirl, I have been giving tutoring in every subject my studies allowed. These experiences made me sensitive, empathetic, responsible but also versatile, responsive, multitasking and gave me a critical thinking skill, time management skill and working with happiness. Now I am aware of how far can I push myself to if I really believe in that. For my master degree I would like to stop working my part time jobs and focus on my studies.

My first approach with Korea was when I started to search Kimchi receipes. I saw this red "thing" in a video, and it took me back to my childhood, when every August, with my grandma, I used to do the tomato sauce that it would last all year long. I find out that there is a similar tradition with Kimchi. This, and other little things that I learned after about Korea made me feel so closed to this country. Seems like home to me with a big difference: it is continuously researching ways to grow (even this opportunity is one of them), always faster in every field of study. Even in Italy we have this deep love for where we came from , so living in Korea would be like be at same time at home and abroad.

Besides my University and professional life, I enjoy my social life, meeting foreigners to practice my English and sealing new friendships. I also have a secret passion for cooking, and I like to taste different cuisines. After I did that, I try to transform traditional recipes in healty ones, publishing them on my Instagram blog.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,883 2165  
Feb 19, 2019   #2
Giusi, while this essay carries a personal note throughout, it not a competitive scholarship because it fails to address the true information placed in the writing instructions for the personal statement. The series of questions you have to represent in your responses are:

Motivations with which you apply for this program
Your education and work experience in relation to the KGSP
Reason for studying in Korea
Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.

I can actually see some of the motivations, reasons, and other aspects of your background that are relevant to the discussion. However, the presentation is not direct to the point and often strays from the required information presentation. In fact, I do not believe that this essay will fit on an A4 sized paper due to its length. You must shorten it by providing direct responses to the questions. That means, you do not need to present the literature you have read, the friends you made, your high school education, and family references. Those are the reasons why this essay is running too long and is often hard to read.

Don;t use Kimchi recipes as the introduction you have to Korea. Instead, use the reference to your professor and KRIBB instead. That is a more relevant an interesting starting point for your interest in Korea and why you chose to study your masters in Korea.

You can respond to these questions in 4-5 paragraphs. Just make sure to always refer to the discussion questions as you write so that you will know if you have responded to everything already or not. I cannot even begin to help edit your current essay because of the way you have over stated discussion points within it. That is what this essay difficult to edit. That is why I believe it would be better if you wrote a new, shorter essay instead.

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