I would be very grateful if someone can read the article and give me a piece of advice since English is not my mother tongue.
KGSP 2021 Undegraduate Personal Statement
There still has been having a phenomenon of murdering animals, especially cats, and dogs in the world, in general, and in VietNam, in particular. Near my area, every day I witness a lot of places that are selling cats and dogs meat without fear of anything. Clearly, everybody still looks down on their lives. I know most animals were kidnaped, but there still have not rules to protect the animals. Being adopting two cats and 1 dog, I know the very tight relationship between the boss and pets. It is must be sad if we lost our pets. Hence, I really want this to disappear. However, this is a complicated problem and it cannot be solved maybe because of the lack of knowledge and carelessness of citizens. In other to contribute to the propaganda, I chose to study Media and Communication major. My dream is the animals in the world will be lived happily.
Through the Kpop wave and Korean movies, Korea is seriously famous for its communication. It is not only popular in Asia, but also popular in all around the world with lots of famous dramas, game shows such as Goblin ( my most favorite dramas), Running man,... There are also included so many media companies that are very popular such as KBS, SBS,...affirms Korea's strong position in media major. As a result, I want to experience at one of the best educational places in the world.
Being born in the 2 sister's family, as the elder sister, I had to grow up early to take care of my brother as my parents always busy earning a living. They are just workers so the money made is very low, and we also have to live in a hire house since we did not local people back then. My parents usually stuck in the arguments because of the financial budget. For this reason, I always tried my best in the study to help my parents one day when I succeed.
I was always stand ing in the top 5 of the class when I was in secondary school. I have never felt learning is hard work, I just enjoy it and I feel comfortable and happy while study. I bear in mind that in grade 8, I was assigned the MC position in a musical test in class. It means that I have to do both works-MC and group work. My teacher gave us a week to prepare. I remember I had to prepare the content at home every night and join the dancing practice group in days. Though it really hard to balance I still succeed in the first time in the MC position. My friends and teacher said I did a great job and it made me proud. It is really interesting to try something new.
Time-lapse, I went up to high school. I decided to participate in the Ho Chi Minh Communist Youth Union of my high school in 2 years. I was tried a lot of things I have not to know before such as holding a fund-raising Prom night, organizing a singing contest for Teacher's day, camping,...I was taught many skills include leader skill, group working, arranging skill,... Unfortunately, because I was too focused on the activities that in the first semester of grade 10, I lost my title of the gifted student. At that time, I was shocked. Even though my class is a choosing class, at least I still the best student in secondary school, I thought. In the end, I was come down to the advanced student since my subjectivism. I was terribly embarrassed and regret at the same time. Though my parents did not say anything that they disappoint me, I still could feel it. Therefore, I decided to get back my concentrate on the study. Finally, I made it. I got back my rank with the title of the good student with point 8.3 in the second semester. Although the point was not very high, I still happy because I tried my best.
In grade 11, I have become the head of an academic club of high school called Ong sang tao with two others. For the first time, it was so much difficulty as we did not have any members so we had to do everything by our self. I learned how hard to control a club in enrolling members in a club, money management as it is very stressful when the study is also very important. Luckily, everything has gone well and we had more than 50 members in the club. It was an amazing experience for me as a club leader.
I continued to join the Youth Union activities when I upgraded to the university. This time, I study more about organizing various activities such as the academic show " The winner", an annual competition for the college students about academic knowledge of English Pedagogy and tourist, my major.
However, I still remember to gain more knowledge by study more language-Korean and English. Recently, I have just finished the Korean course for the beginner of Yonsei university in the lockdown of COVID 19. Besides, I also learn more English which is a global language and very important in modern life.
Because of the major I am studying, I worked as an English tutor and an English teaching assistant. The first time in my life I could feel how hard to earn money, I noticed my parents worked very hard to take care of me. The working environment is really strict about time and clothes. I had to dress formally and could not be late because the manager can always minus my money if I make a mistake. Consequently, I learn to manage the time, which really hard with me. Also, I could improve my communication by talking with children every day. Thanks to this job, I realize children are so incredible. The way they think, the way they treat each other is so pure and lovely. I did not even like children before but after this job, I guess I am now more sympathetic to children.
I have received a prize called " The district 3 positive student award". It is a title to honor those students who have an excellent performance in study, actively practice ethics, and actively in social activities. After overcoming the first round at the school level, I continued to file the documents to the district and I got chosen. I can not describe how happy and surprised I was. It made me feel proud of myself and it is a big promotion for my next target. Moreover, I also had Medal and Certificate of Merit has achieved excellent performance in union activities in the district and school - level delegation.
With the above-mentioned conditions, I believe I am a suitable candidate for this Scholarship. The Korean global scholarship will give me the best study environment in 5 years and made my dream to serve the animals comes true.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
The reference to K-Pop and the entertainment industry of Korea is a very old, tired, and often used reason for an interest in studying in Korea. You should delete that portion from your essay and instead, work on explaining how the Korean love for animals, their YouTube videos relating to their treatment of animals, how Korean laws protect animals, all of the Korean - pet relationships that you can present will help with your application. Why? Remember that you said your motivation for applying to the program is so that you can use mass media to help protect animals.
Do not lose focus of the motivating factor. That should be evident throughout your essay. You should also be introducing activities that you did in relation to your pet advocacy. Your motivation must be supported by your activities and other extra curricular interests. You do not appropriately represent the development of your interest and advocacy that would show the reviewer that you have been doing things to help protect the animals. Your desire to protect the animals should align with your activities in the audio visual sector so that you can show the foundation of both the advocacy and your interest in mass media.
Your grammar is often times confusing. Which will make the reviewer question your actual English language skills. You need to get professional editing help to clean up your grammar, but only after you have properly revised the essay to be better suited towards your motivation and other goals. Your motivation, activities, and interests should all align towards your A/V skills development in relation to the protection of animals.