KGSP program is the perfect opportunity for my goals and dreams - Korean Scholarship essay

Statement of Purpose for Korean Scholarship

Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to the KGSP
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.

Ever since I was a child, I have been interested in technology, especially in aspects like devices, news, games, and gadgets. I loved to read magazines about technology and games, and as I grew older, my desire to participate in that world only grew. The idea of being capable of crafting something that would provide people with an amazing experience or help with their daily lives, like the numerous virtual services and mobile apps we use today, fascinates me.

During High School, my first experience with programming was with a small tutorial and some advice from a friend who started working as developer showed me. Even though I had made codes that were badly written and no software engineering, it was enough for me to develop a great interest in programming. This made me realize how many possibilities we have and motivated me to choose Computer Science as my major once I was ready to enter university.

I started my major at the XXX back in 2010, and federal universities are very competitive since it offers free education. I was very happy to get accepted in 3rd place overall for the admission to Computer Science. The challenges and difficulties imposed during my graduation helped to forge my character and improve my determination towards my goals. In my second year, I got a scholarship to work as Teacher Assistant for the Data Structures class, it did not just help me to become better in important subjects for college and work, but also gave me the opportunity to help my fellow classmates improve their learning and grades and let me be on the other side of the learning chain. Couple months later, I was accepted as an intern in a local startup called SimpleTap, where I received training in mobile development, which became one of my preferred fields.

In 2014 I was accepted by the Brazilian program for top STEM students called Science Without Borders, and chose YYY. The knowledge I obtained made me even more interested in the fields of Artificial Intelligence and Computer Graphics, fields that are constantly changing and deals with massive amounts of information about its users, also in how they can affect the life of hundreds of thousands of people. Not only this program let me grow personally, but also academically, since I was able to attend classes and events which I couldn't in my university, like cyber security, business intelligence and Korean language. I returned in 2015 and was accepted in a research about using mobile phones to map indoors environments, which became my graduation thesis and I was able to finish it and graduate in 2016.

During my research I was searching for my next step, and was my first contact with the KGSP, through a friend who was accepted and was about to go for its graduate program. I was amazed not with the program, but as well with the growth he accomplished during his Master's, such as the preparation he received resulted in his current position as Developer at Google, one of biggest professional goal for programmers and his case inspired me to go further. I believe the KGSP program is the perfect opportunity for my goals and dreams as well and as my friend, I hope to inspire other students to pursue their dreams in Korean universities.

Guilherme, your essay is not informative enough. You are responding only to the last aspect of the essay regarding information that will prove your aptitude and passion for graduate studies and research. There is no motivation for your interest in your chosen masters course, which by the way, you have to mention in the paper by title. Saying you had a childhood interest in technology is disqualified because a masters degree student needs to prove a professional motivation for higher theoretical and practical studies. There is also no clear representation of your reason for wishing to study in Korea. Hearsay coming from a person who was admitted into the program doesn't prove that you have a sense of dedication to complete this program or interest in the benefits of a Korean education. The accomplishments of someone else as a KGSP scholar will not inform the reviewer about how why you are interested in the benefits of the KGSP program on a persona basis. Your friend is not the applicant here, you are. Therefore his accomplishments are irrelevant to your application. You need to present some sort of work experience that might have had some sort of KGSP relation like say, an exchange program or a training seminar that you attended in Korea. If you don't have that, then you need to present a relevant work experience in relation to your profession and/or masters course choice instead.

Hi Guilherme

I am not sure what degree you propose to study, since you did not mention it in your essay, but I gather that it is related to technology development..? I am sure you would have mentioned it in other parts of your application, but for each essay to make sense, it would help to refer to your chosen course(s) again.

I also agree with the previous reviewer that you need to have a stronger motivation for why you chose Korea. It seems a bit random to go from Brazil to Korea, except that you knew someone else who went there. (If your friend went to Sweden, would you have gone there too?) Why did Korea seem like a good idea? Maybe you can elaborate on Korea's role in the world regarding technological development, especially the fields you are interested in, and why it is a better option than, say, Japan, China, Europe or even your home country.

I hope this helps
Regards