KGSP2017 - Letter of self-introduction - fulfill my dream

This is my first time writing Self-Introduction Letter. I hope you can check it and correct it for me.
Thank you.
I have to write about :
the following instructions to write about:
o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea

my favorite country

I was born in ______, the capital of ______, and raised in different cities of the country due to the fact of being the daughter of two soldiers. My parents always taught me to depend on myself at an early age since they wouldn't be able to be there for me most of the time. They taught me also, how it is important to follow my dreams and that I need to work hard in order to reach them.

Since my childhood, I developed a deep interest in world cultures and this interest persisted and now structures my goals. The English language was my first passion, as it is the most commonly spoken language in the world. Then I get into the Korean world when I first watched a Korean drama on a _______ channel nine years ago and started to wonder about the country and get attracted by its culture. When I had to decide my major at university and despite the fact that I specialized in the scientific field during high school, I wanted to study the field that I love the most and with the encouragement of my family I decided to major in the English language and literature

I get accepted in one of the top universities here in ________, where I graduated in 2016 among the top 10 students and received a training session during the summer. The training gave me the opportunity to meet brilliant colleagues and trainers from all over the world who taught u the values of leadership, debating and communication.

Furthermore, I was lucky to find out that my university offers optional classes in foreign languages including Korean. I took Korean classes from my first academic year and I was able to be taught by native Korean teachers and to interact with other Koreans living in ______. However, the best experience that I had was the Korean language competition organized by the Embassy of the Republic of Korea. I got the second prize and won a one-week trip to Korea. Thanks to this trip I was able to have a first-hand experience with the Korean culture and become even more attracted to it. Acquiring the Korean language made me able to speak four languages and as a result, my passion towards human languages becomes stronger.

After my graduation, I wanted to deepen my knowledge in my major and decided to pursue a master degree in Linguistics, the science of languages. I get accepted by my university for the master degree and I am currently in my first academic year. However I felt that it is better for me to experience an international study as this opportunity would expand my horizon, enhance my knowledge development and enable me to gain international experience. The Korean government scholarship program is a chance for me to meet people from different cultures which will help me with my studies of linguistics.It is a great opportunity for me to develop my career internationally.

Studying in Korea will not only give me the chance to live in my favorite country but also I will benefit from the Korean rich educational system that will inspire me to work hard and reach my goals. I will be able to experience the challenge of living in completely different rich culture where tradition and modernity have joined harmoniously and where media and technology are highly advanced.

Sakouhi, the reference to your college education is incomplete because you did not refer to the name of the university, how you performed academically, and what possible significant accomplishments you may have had during this time. As an incoming masters degree student, you still have to rely on your college education to explain the relevance of your interest in Linguistics as a masters degree. Explain the kind of academic and practical training that you may have had during the course of your studies that prepared you to enroll in a Linguistic masters degree. Now, I also want to address the missing element in your application. Why are there no professional experience references in terms of how you used your degree after you graduated? Are you applying to the program immediately upon graduating? If so, then you have to at least provide some sort of related experience, either as an intern, or doing community service in relation to your course. Without a solid professional background of sorts, we will need to work harder on improving the other parts of your application in order to strengthen what could be perceived as a weak application.

Yuuki, as a masters degree holder, it is no longer necessary for you to detail your education starting from grade school. A simple overview of your college education would be sufficient as the starting point of your educational background as this is the most recent and most applicable educational undertaking that you have completed in relation to your interest in the PhD course. Your focus must now be on presenting your professional experience and how far you have come in this field. From there, you must learn how to present the problems that you have encountered or situations that you failed to deal with, which resulted in your current motivation to gain a PhD certification. The extra curricular activities that you mentioned are not really relevant to the application as these do not help to enhance your professional abilities or skills in the eyes of the reviewer so there is absolutely no need to mention those at all. Just focus on the 4 important aspects of your application and the essay will become stronger. You should also look into combining the last 3 paragraphs of your essay into a solid concluding statement rather than the current short and split up presentation that you have at the moment.

@Holt
thank you so much for your advices and for giving me your valuable time. i tried to change in the letter following your suggestions, could you please check it for me?

MY FAVORITE COUNTRY

I was born in ______ the capital of ...

Since my childhood, I developed a ...

I get accepted in one of the top universities here in ______, the Faculty ofHumanities _____, and I was amazed by how many details there are in majoring in a language. During my bachelor years, I was provided with an excellent background in not only the language itself, but also in the culture it embodies and I studied the language in its multifaceted presence, including history, literature, politics, and the arts in addition to gaining the ability to communicate effectively in both written and spoken forms. I didn't felt much pressure in my studies as I have been learning the thing that I am passionate about and I succeeded in getting good grades each year until I graduated in 2016 among the top 10 students in my department. I received a training session in ______Language Village during the summer as an award for the top students of the department of English. The training gave me the opportunity to meet brilliant colleagues and trainers from all over the world where I learned more about the values of leadership, communication and scholarships.

Furthermore, I was lucky to find ...

After graduation, I wanted to start a career in teaching the English language, because teaching is what I would like to do the most. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a job in this area. I didn't want to stay still and decided to give private lessons. There are plenty of students desperate to find a good, reliable one-on-one teacher and I felt the need of developing my teaching skills and becoming financially independent. Moreover I thought that a bachelor degree won't be enough for me to build the career that I am dreaming of, so I decided to deepen my knowledge in my major and apply in a master degree in Linguistics, the science of languages and the subject that attracted me the most during my bachelor years. I get accepted by my university for the master degree and I am currently in my first academic year.

However A study abroad component is often required or strongly encouraged in my major. Hence, it will be an opportunity to expand my horizon, enhance my knowledge development and it will enable me to gain international experience. The Korean government scholarship program is a chance for me to meet people from different cultures which will help me with my studies of linguistics and a great opportunity for me to develop my career internationally. In addition, and after doing some researches, I figured out that Korean universities have a rich and developed linguistic courses compared to my country and I would love to get the chance to learn from these programs. Studying in Korea will not only give me the chance to live in my favorite country but I will, also, benefit from the Korean rich educational system that will inspire me to work harder and reach my goals. I will be able to experience the challenge of living in completely different rich culture where tradition and modernity have joined harmoniously and where media and technology are highly advanced

Yuuki, the essay is improved. However, there is a lack of professional experience representation on your part. Is this because, as you said in the essay, it was difficult to find a job as an educator? If so, what kind of professional experience have you had in relation or not in relation to your masters degree? PhD students are required to have a number of years working experience in their field of expertise, along with their masters degree completion. It is important that you explain the lack of professional experience in this introduction. That is provided that you do not have any professional experience to speak of. If you did not work for a formal educational institution and instead, practiced your degree as a freelancer or private language tutor, that qualifies as professional experience and should be indicated in this essay. Your essay is actually strong but weakened by the lack of professional experience. That is something that the reviewer will not be willing to overlook in your application so you have to address that issue as soon as you can in this letter.