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KGSP letter of selfintroduction. To much about my family and to little about me? Need some advice.


Ilona 1 / -  
Mar 13, 2016   #1
I enroll for KGSP scholarship and i need to write letter of self introduction. I'm from Russia and here i almost never wrote it so it's really was difficult for me, maybe i wrote to much abt my family and little abt myself? Also i learned English by myself, so i think my essay have problems with grammar and rich language. Can you help me with it, please?

My name is Ilona. I was born in 8th of January, 1986 and raised in Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk (Sakhalin island, Russia). I was born in Russia in Korean family so I always felt that I'm a child of two countries-Korea and Russia.

My parents often told me about our family history. The Japanese government forced my grandparents from the both sides into service and shipped them from Korea to Karafuto (later Sakhalin island) to fill labour shortages resulting from World War ||. They forced to work in difficult conditions on hard labor: work in mines and railroad construction. Later, when World War || ended they unfortunately didn't have a chance to return to their motherland, because Japanese leave them behind and USSR closed the borders and almost all forgot about them. They lived like persons without citizenship, so they can'l even leave the town, when they lived or enroll university. In 60th North Koreans made huge agitation work on Sakhalin and offered citizenship for Sakhalin Koreans, but my grandparents refuse this offer.

I now wrote about my grandparents history because it had and have really huge influence to my childhood and life. My parents was raised in really conservative korean traditions so they raised us in the same manner. They taught us to respect elders and never forget our roots and also to be proud of it. That's why i'm proud to be Korean.

My father had really huge family: 3 sisters and two brothers.
My maternal grandmother died very young from obstetric complications, month after she gave birth to my mother.
Despite of all difficulties my parents went to University and both became Construction engineers. Because it was really difficult for them to enrolled to university they always want that all three of their children will have University diploma.

My childhood was very difficult. I am the youngest one among three sisters. When i was 6 yo i entered the elementary school that year USSR fell apart and my parents loose their job. We didn't have any money and my parents barely made the ends meet.

When i was 11 i began to work part-time. But it was only two years, because my mother inspired me and my second sister to change schools. We had enrolled exams and i could went to the best school in our town-Technical physical-mathematic lyceum 7. I have a good voice and was soloist in our school choir. Also i went to school ball dance club for 5 years.

When i finished it my dream was to study in big University either in Moscow or Sain-Petersburg. I got the third place in entering exams to Saint-Petersburg Electrotechnical University (LETI). On fourth year of my study i chose very interesting, but unfortunately not so popular in Russia speciality-ergonomics. I always working part-time because my family difficult situation and unfortunately it badly interfered my studies and grades. But i hadn't have another choice.

When i finished University i couldn't find proper job and return to my parents for one year and made voluntary work in hospital. I looked after people, who was in intensive care. After one year i returned to Saint-Petersburg and eby my speciality in Internet company.

From childhood i really really loved to read. Even now i read everyday. When i was in middle school i was The best reader of two libraries for 4 straight years. I learned English in school and University, but because my school and University was focused mostly on technical subjects, english lessons wasn't quite useful, so i learned English by myself. My love for reading help a lot. I am watching korean dramas with english subtitles for 10 years and this help me to improve my knowledge both in English and Korean a lot. When i was studying in University i also went to Saint-Petersburg Korean center Nan and learned Korean and samulmori for 4 years there.

Since my childhood I always wanted to go to Korea, but don't have money and chance to go. I worked 3 years for my dream and finally in 2014 i came to Korea for the first time to study in Younsei Korean Language school. I learned Korean from my childhood, but my studies were quite chaotic because of my part-time jobs and i always wanted to know Korean well. Now i have a new dream to continue my education in Korea to study business administration. I think that field is very prospective in terms of Russian-Korean relationships. For me participation in this scholarship program is the only chance to study in Korea, because now I couldn't afford overseas tuition fee. I earnestly ask you to give me this opportunity to study in Korea in your University. I hope this opportunity will open new horizons in my life and also help me to participate in Korean-Russian relationships in business field.

Also my dream to study in Korea because my maternal grandparents died before they had a chance to step again on their motherland so now i wish to put their dream in life and have a chance to study in University in Korea to fulfill their dream and build a strong connection between Korea and Russia. After i will finish my education in Korea i hope to return to Russia to work in the field of building Korean-Russian business relationships.
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Mar 13, 2016   #2
Hi Ilona, yes you are right, too much about your family history and nothing about your career goals, your academic life. firstly, read the prompt, I read the prompt in other essays, if it is the same but will suggest you to post it along with your essay. Then start writing, you also need to check word limits for your essay. so much to delete and add in this essay. But don't worry, everyone will help you here to make your essay better.

you need to write how you got interest in your field of study. Is your family history have a role in your studies. If yes, don't elaborate too much but make it in few lines only. whatever you wrote makes no sense until or unless its not related to your choice of study. Self introduction doesn't mean you write family history, but write few lines about family only if they play a role in your program. Otherwise skip that. What are your wishes, hopes from your studies. What all efforts you did, what were the ups and downs related to your studies and how you managed to survive them. From where you got the passion for the program, what you want to become in future. I will suggest you to go through other essays on Google or here on EF and you will get an idea how to write an academic essay. Then go with your prompt asked to do. Mention your accomplishments and awards, any scholarship you got or how you got it. You have to give a self introduction but related to your academics not your family. Looking forward to your new revision :)


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