Hi. I am getting ready to apply for KGSP-G for next year and because this is my first time to write a personal statement, I am really sure if this will work. I appreciate if someone will critique my work. Thanks
MY PERSONAL STATEMENT PSYCHOLOGY
After graduating from Bachelor's of Science in Nursing and obtaining my professional license ID as a Registered Nurse, I continuously serving and working in the Nursing Profession. My devotion towards my profession is undeniable. However, as I go to work day by day, I always try to understand my patients' behavior and personalities. Furthermore, I always question why and how my patients behave that way. I always notice that some of my patients were not really sick but pretend to be just to gain some attention from those people they love.
At times, I also examine my colleagues and try to analyze their behavior towards me and to our other colleagues. I always ask why they always had something awful to say about our workmate but wherein they, themselves were like that at times. When I was studying, my interest deeply involve in our subject topic of Psychology or Mental Psychiatric Health Nursing. Understanding humans' behaviors, developing one's personality over a period of time, society's role in affecting one's personality and behavior are some of the topics that interests me. Furthermore, I question why a person can commit an unforgivable act such as killing without feeling any remorse. Is it because of the person's childhood experiences or the culture and society the person lives and grew up with? My interest to study psychology was further triggered because of the cultural and social circle I belonged while working as a Nurse in another country.
Living in a different country away from my family was at first, strange. The culture and beliefs of Arab people is different from the Filipinos, most specially for woman. There are limitations in their actions and will. They had to wear the traditional abaya and hijab to hide their faces. They are not allowed to show their skin and faces in front of men, only to their husbands and families. I got the chance to be exposed in psychiatric consultations and even though I didn't understand the conversations, as I read the charts of the patient, I said to myself most of them were women who suffered from a great deal of depression because of the limitations their culture had imposed to them.
But after few months of staying, as most of my colleagues are also Filipinos, I adjusted to the life in another country. However, there were flaws and dilemmas that surrounded. As I became more open, I realized the social circle I thought was perfect became shattered. One of my co-workers confessed the people she treated as family was talking behind her back saying terrible things about her and that she never noticed it. She admitted she was deeply hurt and that she almost committed an unforgivable act, she had suicidal thoughts.
Furthermore, one of my friends admitted she had suicidal thoughts as well when her papers was the only one among our batch that got rejected. Even though we helped her fix her papers and got accepted after a second submission and became eligible for examination, she felt the failure and rejection everyday. She became afraid if everyone knew about the rejection of her paper, she will be the center of talks. She suffered from mild depression and was not able to finish her work. She has strong a personality when I knew her but she constantly change after the rejection and she became apathetic.
Through these experiences along with many other experiences I had motivates me to pursue my master's degree in Psychology. This is slightly off my chosen profession but psychology plays a more vital role in everyone's life regardless of profession, work and environment. We always encounter problems in psychology on a daily basis. However, my experiences trigger my interest to study the influence of culture and society to one's psychology. I choose to undertake the understanding of cultural diversity and societal effects to a person's behavior and personality and how their environment and experiences affect their choices in life. I hope to indulge in expanding qualitative research works in analyzing the cultural and social effects to a person's psychology and behavior and possibly develop a solution to lessen the increase of psychiatric illnesses and diseases brought about by the cultural and societal differences. Through qualitative research, I want to expand the analysis of people's perspective about the culture and society they grew up with and how it affect their mentality and psychology.
Aiming to study in South Korea has been a dream of mine ever since the globalization and expansion of economy of the country. The diverse cultural beginnings of the country led me to became more interested to study in South Korea. The worldwide advancement of technology and and popularity of the country because of its K-wave industry led to a lot of people wanted to study in the country. Through the country's cultural and social advancement, the psychology of people also continues to change, evolve and develop at a rapid rate. The country's education that dates back during the early years of Korea and its continuous progress over the years also dictates that Korea's education is one of the leading educational system in the world.
Korea University is one of the leading government universities in South Korea. It is one of the most recognizable university that offers master's degree in Psychology. However, pursuing a master's degree and entering the university that offers a Major in Cultural and Social Psychology is very limited and costly. This is one of the reason why I am applying for KGSP-G program to help me achieve my goal in life. The program offers a fully funded tuition fee and assistance to all aspiring international students who wanted to pursue a higher level of education. The program also offers a Korean Language course for a better understanding of the chosen graduate course of a student since most of the courses are offered in Korean language. Through this program, I realize that my goal still holds a hope for me to continue on studying. I hope to enter the Korean Government Scholarship Program-Graduate and pursue my study in Psychology.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Are you applying via U-Track? If you are applying via the embassy track, there is no need for the university choice paragraph. You need to be specific about which particular type of application you are aiming for because the university choice does not figure in the embassy track application.
Your motivations for applying to the program are good. However, it focuses too much on word usage instead of content. You need to present these information as fast as possible, without being too wordy or bordering on creative writing. It should be as simple as question = response. Be direct to the point. The reasons for your motivation should be two fold. One for career advancement and one for personal development. Your explanations need to better focus on these 2 points.
When you discuss the reasons why you chose to study in Korea, you have to avoid any reference to Korean pop culture, the K-Wave, the K-Pop success, or any of the candy coated reasons for opting to study in Korea. You are opting to study there for academic reasons. You are not aiming to go to Korea to be a tourist on the Korean governments dime. Instead, discuss how Korea excels in the field of mental health and psychology. It will require research on your part but it will show the reviewer that you are a serious student who wasn't just influenced by Korean entertainment achievements, mistaking those for valid reasons to study in Korea.
You also do not properly explain how your education and work experience at the moment applies to the change in your career path. These must be related to your patient experience as a nurse. How, as a nurse, did you assist your patients psychologically? Think about that. That should be the explanation for your education and work experience. By the way, highlight the accomplishments you had as a nurse when you studied Psychology related courses. You need to accomplish these sections very well because you do not have any Korea related work experience. However, you can impress the reviewer by highlighting your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research. In this case, you have to justify that you made an error in career choice at the start that you wish to correct now.
You have 3 portions of this essay almost properly presented. Those are the portions I discussed above. The rest of the essay that you wrote is irrelevant. The lack of proper response to the prompt requirements, as indicated in the application forms, will actually force this essay to be taken out of consideration. You have to develop a new essay that focuses only on the following elements:
Motivations with which you apply for this program
Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
Reason for studying in Korea
Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.
I have given you the discussion outline for this essay. I have also made suggestions regarding how you can best correct your content. I hope you can use these suggestions when you revise your application.
Best of luck!
