Hello everyone. I am planning to apply for KGSP 2017. I still have a considerably lengthy amount of time before deadline, but I really want to be prompt for improvements. Please help a 16 year old out.Thank you very much.
What to include:
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Personal background in family and education
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.
First off, I would like to acknowledge what introduced me to Korean culture and educational system. Back in 2013, the Manila City Government conducted the "Sister School Partnership Program" between Manila Science High School and Incheon Yeil High School. This program gave me an opportunity to extend my own viewpoint to the idea of studying in Korea. I wasn't exactly a participant, but I had a brief chance to have a small talk with some fellow students from Incheon about the educational system in Korea. This humble exchange of conversation and ideas had me gaining interest in the said country in both academic and cultural aspect. I've made Korean friends and acquaintances that further convinced me into coming to their country for a bachelor's degree.
Korea has a strong academic atmosphere, making its way to the top in university rankings as of 2015. They administer rigorous training and preparations for high school students to compete for the top universities. It was tough, they say, but it was all worth the hard work.
I strived within the four wholesome years of high school. Undeterred by the fact that I came from a financially-challenged family, I secured both my academics and crucibles in place. It was a blessing to have the opportunity to be admitted into the pilot science high school in the Philippines. Manila Science HS honed not just my thinking skills but also my adaptability to diverse situations. I've joined various activities and contests concerning different fields, be it literature, art or, science related. Win or lose, I have gained awareness of my own potential and have been exposed to what others can do that I cannot do in the moment. Those realizations helped me improve on my own and harness further skills.
I've also served as a volunteer and took part in a solidarity program organized by the Rotaract Club-Pharmacy Unit concerning issues about Lumad killings in Mindanao. Lumads are group of indigenous people of the southern Philippines experiencing violence and abuse by the Armed Forces. I have witnessed and supported them in declaring their grievances to the government. We have let the Lumads talk their hearts out to us. It was a fulfilling experience, and this eye-opening advocacy led me to take interest in human nature and social issues.
We are in a generation that has many concerns that have yet to be addressed, and it's one of the reasons I would like to pursue Psychology. This field plays a big role in society, and it has a big potential to dig down the roots of the issues present in time. Earning a psychology degree can lead me to a prospect of analyzing complex emotional issues and establishing solutions for real-world problems. At this point, I have decided to devote my life to allow myself to make a difference in people's lives.
Through Korea's exceptional education and the satisfactory extent of professional exposure that comes along with it, I will be able to connect the dots between various disciplines. I believe that the four years I will spend college in Korea will be the most formative and nourishing. To be surrounded with intellectually competent people, Korea will be able to mold and translate me into a more persistent, self-motivated individual.
I went through hardships and I grew through them. KGSP will be my turning point, and I would finally be engaging myself in an endeavor whose aim is to further understand the human mind and to build a bridge between Korea and Philippines, culture and academic-wise.
Hello hyungnari, I found that your essay is a convincing one. The points are successfully delivered in the writing. Still, I found an issue of redundant expression in the sentence: At this point, I have decided to devote my life to allow myself to make a difference in people's lives.
Furthermore, I think that you overused the word "and", you may consider it to split the sentence into two. Thus, I recommend you to use transition signals in your essay.
I went through hardships and I grew through them. KGSP will be my turning point, . andFurthermore, I would finally be engaging myself in an endeavor whose aim is to further understand the human mind and to build a bridge between Korea and Philippines, culture and academic-wise.
Keep sharing and writing.
HI Erin, I would like to share some insights on your essay.
First of all, you have a very strong sense of writing style, the thing that I like the most is that you regarded and expressed gratitude to the influence behind your goals, though it may not be a direct contact on becoming a member of the exchange program, you manage to cherish the lesson learned from a random conversation and this is a very good trait.
Moreover, your essay has a good work flow, the logical sequence of the events of your academic life has been clearly observed and this is will bring your essay up to a higher level.
Indeed you still have a lot of time for the submission of the KGSP scholarship and this can be a time where you can still revise the essay, while you're at it, mind the right forms and tenses of your verbs a this helps in completing the thought of the sentences and eventually, the entire paragraph. I hope this insights helps.
