East Asian cultures have never ceased to amaze me
Why did I decide to apply for KGSP? For 4 years, the Korean wave has become an integral part of me. Seeing how Koreans work hard to fulfill their dreams and change their lives gives me a lot of inspiration. They are good at spreading their spirit and culture in everything they do, from the entertainment industry to the economy. In addition, South Korea is known to have a high quality of education. This is one of the reasons why I decided to study there. Studying in a country where the educational environment is conducive to learning will help me focus more on my studies. Korea has a large number of experienced professors in the media sphere and state-of-art, reputable media center and broadcasting stations, namely KBS, MBC, SBS. It will surely provide me my best learning experience. Moreover, I was interested in Korean culture - its cuisine, language, and music. A new country means a new experience. If I was given the chance to be accepted into the program, I would be able to interact with Korean employees and representatives of the media sphere, who will help me expand my prospects in this field and introduce me to new opportunities with which I will achieve my goal and help in the development of Korea.
I grew up in a middle-class family in a small town in Siberia called Surgut. There are 4 people in our family-my parents, older brother and me. Our father is the worker of the Department for repairing high-voltage electrical equipment at the main power plant of our city, and my mother works as a speech therapist - corrects and puts the correct speech to children. Life wasn't always easy for us, but I were taught to focus more on positive things. We faced challenges, but parents always told us to treat these obstacles as a learning experience. These life lessons have helped me through all the setbacks I have ever faced, and I believe they will help me deal with potential problems that may happen in the future. I learned from my parents to appreciate hard work. They always said that with hard work and perseverance, you can achieve your goal. Whenever I asked for something, my parents would only let me get it if I had good grades or homework done well. It may be such simple things, but they instilled important knowledge in me. Thanks to them I am now a straight-A student and consider myself a good person. My parents inspired me not only to dream, but also to be a follower of my dreams. And now I'm taking a step toward achieving the future I imagined.
In addition, my role model has always been the head of the media club of our school. In my life, she played a significant role, because she instilled in me a love for the media sphere. She called us to the Studio every time we had free time, we tried to shoot and edit videos. During my time in this club, I realized that this profession is what I want to connect with all my future life. Thanks to this situation, I was able to prioritize my life. I believe that it is in Korea, as a country that pays a lot of attention to hard work, that I will be able to further improve my skills and open up more opportunities for development for both myself and Korea. Another important experience in my life was a trip to Korea. In 2019, I went there with an educational program for 3 weeks. During this period, after a good look around the country and getting me some experience of studying in this country, I realized that it really suits me, that in Korea I will be able to realize my potential to the full.
Also, all my childhood I was engaged in sports, namely sports aerobics. Since I was an active child, my parents decided to send me there when I was 4 years old. I have been doing this sport for 11 years. After years of hard training, when I was 14, I received the title of "Candidate master of sports". Over such a long period of time, I was instilled with discipline, endurance, understanding of how to work in a team, and many other things. Unfortunately, I had to retire from sports, but I was not going to sit at home , so I went to a dance Studio, where I still practice and discover more and more new skills and opportunities that reveal me from new sides. Also at the age of 16, I realized that I really like to learn languages, which is why now I am studying English and Korean. I believe that knowledge of these languages will help me to continue working and benefit Korea not only at the state level, but also at the world level.
For all my 18 years, I have received quite a lot of different diplomas and prizes, as I actively participated in competitions and competitions in different areas. So, we received an award for the best video clip in the city, and also took several prizes in competitions of another level. Since I was actively engaged in sports, I have about 70 medals in sports aerobics, a badge of the CMC and GTO. I am listed in the club of activists, so I often participated in various Olympiads. I think that all my experience will help me realize my opportunities and ideas in South Korea, help open the country from a new side.
East Asian cultures have never ceased to amaze me. This is unbelievable that Korea, being such a highly developed country, has its own rich culture that still lives all over the country. I believe that there is a lot of interesting things in Korea that I can learn as a lesson. In addition, I have proved time and time again that I am a good leader within my country. Becoming a global leader is a challenge that I'm really looking forward to. If I were given the chance to be accepted into this program, it would not only open up unlimited opportunities for my growth, but also help me create a better future for both countries.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 In this essay you need to be specific about your notable achievements. Do not just offer a run down of your awards and recognition. Do not brag and make boastful claims about these topics. Instead, focus on the most notable achievements you have been recognized for in Sports Aerobics and dance. Be detailed about these achievements. The reviewer needs to have the specifics of your awards and recognition so that he can decide if you are worth considering as a scholarship applicant.
He will not be familiar with terms that you consider important such as "Candidate Master of Sports". It is obvious that this is a considerable recognition on your part so explain in detail why this award is significant to you and the sport. Do not generalize. Limit your achievements and recognition only to the top 3 or 5 listing. Explain each achievement in detail, in individual paragraphs. Do not group the explanations. The reviewer needs time to be able to consider each achievement, individually. You should do the same for you community service activities. If you want to highlight your interest in Languages, it better be in Hangul otherwise mentioning that in this essay, related to Korean learning, will be useless. It would perhaps be better to omit the mention of languages for now. Save it instead for the discussion of how you plan to improve your Hangul and English skills statement.
Regarding your participation in the AV club. There is no clear influencing experience or interaction between you and your club adviser. You should be indicating a specific moment when the person said something to you that you consider profound or, did something with you that influenced you / helped you decide that you want to pursue an AV career. By the way, you need to be specific about what future field of Media communication you will want to pursue in the future. It will help give the essay a clearer direction and better explain the connection of Korea with your future ambitions.
Highlight your Korean experience during your 3 week stay in Korea. Relate it to the motivation by which you apply for the program. Explain your Korean immersion and what you learned about the country and its people during those 3 weeks that came back to you recently, while you were applying for the scholarship. The reviewer will tend to pay more attention to applications where the students have previous experience with the Korean learning system, had immersion activities, or spent time doing something of relevance in Korea.
The current essay is too scattered in approach. You need to edit for content and relevance. Make sure you focus on what needs to be highlighted in the eyes of the reviewer. Do not try to impress through saying things. Impress by showing the reviewer why you are the better choice. I can see several points in this version where you missed out on the chance to do that. I hope my revision advice can set you on the right path towards developing a more relevant personal statement.
