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The kind of leader I want to be.


ghana raza 2 / 1 1  
Nov 16, 2017   #1
Q. What current or past female leader, in areas of business, government, education or community service, demonstrates the kind of leader you want to be? (200 words)

Angelina Jolie



She has been leading the entertainment industry ever since she has stepped in in it. She is not a political leader but she has done more work to improve the condition of the world than the political leaders ever could. She is Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie demonstrates the kind of leader which I would love to be. The reason behind me picking up Angelina Jolie is that she really inspires me. She has changed millions of lives around the world through her philanthropy work. As a leader I also want to bring a good change in the lives of those who are not very privileged, that's why Jolie inspires me a lot. She uses her work for the interests of other people and there are very few people who have the courage to use their own work for the wellbeing of underprivileged humans around the world and as a leader I also want to reach out to people through my work and help them, otherwise, my leader image would be of no advantage. For me, Jolie is an unsung leader of the world and I also want to be like her. I want to be available for my community whenever they need me. Otherwise, don't call me a leader.
Isabellaalmeida 11 / 26 5  
Nov 16, 2017   #2
Ghana, your overall approach is interesting, but you should consider these points:

1. Avoid this kind of repetition: "She is Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie demonstrates "

2. Considering the number of words are limited, you don't need to repeat the prompt: "Angelina Jolie demonstrates...", "Jolie is an unsung leader ..."

3.You said Angeline Jolie changes the world through her philanthropic work, but didn't give concrete examples of HOW she does it, WHY you want to do the same.

4.You also said that you want to help others through your work. Again, show HOW you want to impact other's life, WHAT you want to do. If you already have done something similar, you could even mention it.

5. "She uses her work for the interests of other people and there are very few people who have the courage to use their own work for the wellbeing of underprivileged humans around the world and as a leader I also want to reach out to people through my work". Here, you said the same thing with different words. Instead, use this space to add another perspective of your impact as a leader.

I hope you take my comments into account!
I wish you the best of luck on your application! :)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Nov 17, 2017   #3
Ghana, here is the thing, you speak a lot of Angelina as a leader and philanthropist, but you fail to qualify your explanation with actual actions from the person you admire. When you say that you want to be a leader like her, then you must qualify that explanation with specific actions on her part. Look into her charitable work and role as a UN ambassador. What were her accomplishments that impressed you the most? Mention her specific projects and actions in the essay then relate that to the kind of leader you hope to become in the future. You do not have to keep mentioning her name. That creates an irritating redundancy in the essay that led to you going over the word count by 9 words. Focus on a parallel discussion as to the leadership examples of Angelina and why you think you have to be a leader like her in the future.


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