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"knowledge, skill, and beauty" - FSU scholarship essay ARTES!


newyorkwannabe 1 / -  
Jun 27, 2011   #1
The Florida State University is pleased to announce an essay competition for three $500 scholarships for students entering Florida State for the first time during the summer or fall terms of 2011. Select a torch and submit a short essay (250 words maximum) on the qualities that torch represents and how it is a part of something you personally value.

Here are the names of the three torches and their ideals:
Vires, which stands for physical, moral, and intellectual Strength;
Artes, which symbolizes knowledge, the appreciation of beauty, and Skill; and
Mores, which represents custom, tradition, and Character.

BAM~! here is my short essay for artes, see what anyone thinks. im not awesome at writing essays so try not to be too brutal.

Artes, the symbolization for knowledge skill, and beauty. Those three words are a falling action of the other. First is knowledge, one must be given information to learn and comprehend what they have been given. Skill: to develop skills you have to take in what you know and make something out of it. It takes diligence, determination, and exertion, to have and maintain skills. Last is beauty, after all the attention given to your efforts comes the passion for what you do and thus beauty is born. Life takes knowledge and skill takes life. From the beginning of our schooling we have been taught proficiency that has lead us obtain more and grow from learning. Artes is so important to the Florida State University because it stands for learning and practice. The cliché practice makes perfect is no joke, the successful ones in life have had the most practice and have been awarded by their achievements. The beauty you grow for your work tells everyone that all the effort has been put into something you now love. The more time and effort put into something the more beauty can be found in it. What Florida State University wants to get across to all of us is that if you stick to something, beauty follows. Florida State University wants us to make something beautiful out of nothing. So, with knowledge comes great responsibility, and as students it is our chance to learn and show others that beauty comes from within.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jun 27, 2011   #2
Artes, the symbolization for knowledge, skill, and the appreciation of beauty.

Those three words are a falling action of the other. ---I don't understand what you mean by this!

First is knowledge, one must be given information to learn and comprehend what they have been taught .

Last is beauty, after all the attention given to your efforts comes the passion for what you do and thus beauty is born.---Well said!!

From the beginning of our schooling we have been taught proficiency that has lead us to obtain more and growth from learning.

The saying, ' practice makes perfect', is no joke, the successful ones in life have had the most practice and have been rewarded for their achievements.

The beauty you grow for your work ---This sentence is not clear, could you reword it?

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 29, 2011   #3
Oh... I don't like that word... symbolization. That word tries too hard! It's trying too hard to be cool. The word symbol will do the job.

Also, I think an essay for 250 words should have 3 small paragraphs -- or two large ones. Or maybe a large and a small one. The point is.. use paragraphs! :-) They are powerful.


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