Hello there! Could you please give me some feedback on my Scholarship Application Essay?
Nothing in the entire world is comparable for someone to extend his knowledge and educational background in his working sector and specifically, in my case, in the Computer Science. In my country, people say that "knowledge is well-being", but I should add that working in this significant professional sector -and a predominant part of my life- is a great benefit for me. Coming from a Computer Science background, doesn't allow me to write the perfect application essay. Despite, my birth's country current status (*) and the additional fact that it doesn't provide knowledge and R&D opportunities for young and ambitious people, I decided without much thinking my next life step on the contrary of general both educational and financial conditions which are currently existing in my country, and as it seems for many years moreover.
Personally, I believe that life consists of several objectives which are obtained in many little small steps and efforts. After my graduation, a postgraduate degree in Internet Applications was my next step but due to several circumstances in my life, I postponed for a couple of years till the moment when the conditions would be grown up for me i.e. now, because it is a clear fact that someone can do far more with advanced education than he/she would probably do only with books, tutorials and advice. I have ambitions about my future career, which are more into Web Development and Database Administration, intending to become a Senior Web Engineer, and to establish my own Web innovation company, in order to provide green solutions to community, developing and implementing applications in many platforms -mainly Mobile- and offer knowledge to entry-level programmers. That is certainly a far-away dream -at present-, but I already know my future directions and it is the right time to take the destiny in my hands.
An important moment that influenced substantially my life, and provided me my further directions, was when my father offered me as a gift, an 8-bit Spectrum ZX console at my childhood. It was a totally new experience for me, and I can still remember my enthusiasm for the way that I was interacting with this, its compiler and the command prompt environment. Next day, I was narrating these moments to my peers at the school breaks.
Filling in my College Choices Application as a high school graduate, I was absolutely certain for my future goals, and finally I achieved my admission at Computer Science and Communications Dept. High quality Professors who were really interested in our educational gains we may win, I have earned many skills and learned a different way of thinking as well as reaching the solutions on daily IT, Web and Network issues. The curriculum of my course comprised a wide range of Computer Science sub-sections such as DB Administration, various Algorithms and Programming classes and semester projects in addition to several aspects of Communications and their applications. Moreover, I had an active role in my university's student union. As a member of it, I achieved the free entrance for all undergraduate students in city's main cinemas and theatres. Additionally, I am proud of the First prize in Best Entrepreneurial's Idea Contest between 10 student teams coming from various Greek universities, awarded by the Financial and Commercial of Serres's Head at November of 2004. Actually, I saw a need and actively pursued to fill the need that parking spots of Serres required.
Currently, I am employed with contract terms providing IT/Network Support and Helpdesk services as a member of the IT Department of the General Hospital of Xanthi, a solid team responsible for the proper function of the 300 PC/workstations Network, servers
Of course, in some cases my love for Computer Science, direct me into troubles with my family as they was noticing that this "devil's machine" (as they was calling my PC) was consuming a great portion of my day. They were excessive on this topic concern-ing about it, but I have also a real life and meeting my friends was always an equivalently necessary moment. Finally, they understood that I will follow this path but never ignore my life. However, the most inspiring and -simultaneously- funny fact was when last year I realized that my parents dwelled surfing through the Internet for various infographic and leisure purposes.
To sum up, I would like to thank you for your time taking into account my thought that I do meet all the requirements as well as being a self-funding postgraduate student, I believe that I am worthy not only of SAAS investment for E.U. Students but even your trust too. Receiving the scholarship would be considered as a great boost in my subsequent professional life and would certainly encourage me to fulfill my long-term goals.
*I am coming from Greece
791 words count: is this overwhelming?
Is there a need to add some extra reasons, WHY i deserve this scholaship?
Do i have to write about my family's current bad financial status?
Any tip/advice would be highly apprreciated.
Greetings!
Great essay! i think the word count is fine, but if you are going to revise it try not to make it too much longer. i think adding extra reasons as to why you deserve the scholarship would be benifical, the more reasons, the more inclinded they will be to choose you. I think you might have a better shot if you mention your family's bad financial situation, i think that they are more likely to award a scholarship to a person that isnt doing well finacially as opposed to a wealthy person. However since thats very personal its enirely up to you! I hope this helped and good luck with that scholarship, i think you have a great chance of getting it!
Thank you very much for your feedback,Christina!
You are the 2nd person,who tells me about adding extra reasons why i deserve the scholarship, hence you have right. hehe
I didn't want to make the commitee say "it's pity" for me , but i think i should give some info about it.
The problem now,its which part to exclude in order to avoid the overwhelming total of words after adding the extra reasons.
