Hello guys this is my transfer essay
Here is my topic: Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
And my essay:
South Korea have the fastest internet in the world. But what is the point of having it if it is not going to use?
Korean government often blamed a foreign culture for made a harmful environment for the teenager. It's been debated, between people and the government, if online gaming addictions could damage Korean teenager more than drug or alcohol, which I strongly disagree. Just like most of the Asian countries,Korean government highly conservative about the foreign culture. Korean government hired the group of people called "cyber-keepers," that just made only for to regulate pornographic content. I think this government action restricts freedom of speech and the press that was supposed to be protected by the country's constitution.
In order to regulate these sites, the Korea Communication Standards Commission has been created, an independent agency established by the government. Because the KCSC's resources are limited, it often relies on volunteers. And they are the one who find and block offending content on the online. And this shortage of the filtering system, seems to me untrained volunteers have the power to block every content on the internet even if weren't sexual contents.
And not just internet these regulations affected the music lyrics, broadcast, movies, games, and foreign contents. Most of the foreign websites have been blocked by the government. This made Korean people only accessible to the only Korean government approved websites. Also music, broadcast, movie, games industry declined over the years due to highly restrictive policy to protect Korean minor from might be harmful content. It seems to me these ruthless restrictions on most of the content in South Korean becoming strict than ever.
Also, these regulations are often justified their high censorship for to protect minors from inappropriate and adult content. But the current laws and regulations create a restrictive environment for every content, including adult contents. The restrictions on sexual content treat like rape and sexual abuse, also these unnecessary restrictions made negative perceptions of sex.
I do agree on some of the South Korean's government action to limit the hostility expressions against race, gender, or minority. But it should not be limited the right of the expression on the sexual contents and stop blame them for the violence and crime to youth. As Korean who educated in the USA, this kind of restriction on media is seriously unfair to a citizen of South Korea.
Hai! You did it well but I have found some gramatical errors in your essay. I am going to try to give some correction, here we go.
South Korea have has the fastest internet in the world.
Korean government often blamed a other foreign cultures for made making a harmful environment for the teenagers.
It's It has been debated between by the people and the government......
... justified their high censorship for to protect minors from ...
The restrictions on of sexual content treat like.......
It will be better if you do not use 'and' 'or' to start a sentence, because these words have a function to connect two or more words or sentences which are compound.
I hope it can be helpful.. Keep writing!
