Leader is the one who responsible - Chevening Essay

Hello, I'm applying to a Chevening scholarship and would like some feedback on my essays.

Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries

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Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

To be a leader or influencer is not about the position that people have, but it is more about the ones who are responsible, willing to learn, and give impacts. These two skills are really important and become essential part in success.

Becoming a dealer can be considered as a leader, because a dealer can give good impacts to the company due to the transaction made at best price. A volunteer can also be considered as an influencer, because a volunteer gives impacts to the society due to activities they created. Currently, I work as a fixed income dealer, and as a volunteer during my undergraduate. In other words, I automatically have leadership and influencing skills.

In July 2019, I was accepted in X as a fixed income dealer. In a month, I learned to reconcile many documents, instruct the deposit placement, and do "bid-offer" bonds at best price. Six months later, there was a partial redemption to one of my company's mutual fund products. Thus, I had to sell bonds with size 200 billion rupiahs in a week.

To achieve this, I initiated to separate government bonds and corporate bonds, also categorized them based on the rating and size. Before I offered the bonds in the market, I also made a strategy such as, offering government bonds to broker who often updated the traded bonds in market, since the government bonds were more active. This strategy was also applied when I offered corporate bonds, offering low rating bonds to broker who usually could bid any rating bonds, offering high rating bonds to broker who only could bid the high rating ones, and offering bonds with small size only to broker who had retail clients.

As a result, by applying the strategy I made, I could sell the bonds at best price. Thus, my company was success to fulfil the client's request to get gain 4% from their investment.

When I was in the second year of my undergraduate, I hold a head of department of 'Y' position in 'Z' organization. I had learned from the previous stewardship about the importance of human capital utilizing, it became one of challenges that I had to figure out.

To achieve this, I arranged an intensive discussion every month. I suggested that every staff should take turn to be a coordinator for each week. By doing this, they would explore what material and how it should be delivered based on the monthly topic we agreed. After the activity was held, I asked them about the threats they faced and discussed what aspects needed to be improved.

As a result, I felt my job was much easier since I only needed to supervise. My team also felt that they owned this community, shown they still continued to join 'Z' and became the next of me, or even hold others department position.

In sum, the combination skills enable me to be potential leader and influencer in the future.

Hi @Sepcan you have 2 examples good experience, maybe you can explained in first paragraph like "I have two examples for my especially leadership". In each paragraph, you can add "First" and "Second" word.

Avoid referencing perceived undergraduate leadership and influencing skills as best as you can. Your reference in this essay is not strong enough. It weakens the overall presentation. As a dealer, you should have several leadership skills in reference to influencing and mentoring your employees, focus on those leadership qualities instead. Those will be of more interest to the reviewer than your undergraduate reference.

In reality though, your fixed income dealership does not show you managing any people or facing any real leadership issues. These are mostly related to a single man job in relation to the stock market. So it is not an effective leadership reference at all. Truth be told, neither of these references are going to impress the reviewer. These are not notable, not national in scope, not even related to local or business governance. So the reality is that you do not have any leadership or influencing skills that count when it comes to the considerations for this scholarship's applicants.