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To be the leader of our own life - Chevening looking for leaders or influencers


Ansari01 1 / 3  
Sep 19, 2020   #1
I need your help, please give the feedback that its requirs. thank you.

Chevening leadership essay



Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(Minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Leadership is an ability that all of us need to have it and leading our life no matter at a high level or at least to be the leader of our own life. My leadership started at school and continued to university and after on.

When I was at high school I have begun my first leading as representative of my class that I had selected among three other volunteers, I started my responsibility when I newly moved from another school to my new high school which in there in my new class the situation was not good anyone do not cares for lessons and teachers because of that our class was approximately at the end of ranking of tenth grade classes it faced me to very big challenges but I slowly worked on and used different method according to everyone characteristic to bring them to direct line, for instance I helped those who want to learn but they cannot understand the lessons because some noisy and bad people annoying them when the teachers came to class and taught for us, moreover, I encourage them to focuses on their lessons, I said for them this is the only way we can draw a bright future for ourselves, but those who do not listen to our teachers and me I listed them for punishing by principle I know it was not a good way but we have to do that, as a result, and fortunately all these my efforts worked and at the end when went to passing the Kankor exam or the exam that allowed us to join to colleges and universities almost all of my classmates accepted to different fields they appalling to except two out of sixty students that they left studding forever.

After successfully passing the Kankor exam and accepted to Kabul Polytechnic University I had enough experience to be our class captain so it caused that I have nominated myself again just for purpose of serving to my university classmates. We were three volunteers for this position, so at the beginning, every one of us introduces ourselves and explain our plan for being as a representative of the class which is a transparent election they elect me and both of competitor accepted the result and congratulate to me. For this time there were different people from all across the country that it made harder onus for me than it was in our school, but I don't fare facing difficulties because I believe each problem has a solution, furthermore, challenges make us powerful. I have done my duties greater than ever. I was a linker of class with our professors, department and in view of necessity with the leadership of the university. Additionally, I love helping others no matter where I am, so it caused that I worked and practised with those my classmates that were not intelligent enough in their lessons like mathematic and mapping subjects. On the other hand, I had a membership of a group of representatives of our university dormitory at the same time.

After getting my bachelor degree I started working for Independent Election Commission (IEC) as Voter Registration Manager that I had 6 employees under my order for doing the duties, shortly I won't mention here that at the end of registration proses I have listed in top ten managers because of that the IEC human resource (HR) signed another contract with me as Data Entry operator in the IEC central office which there I also was as a group head.

Overall, I cannot stay calm when I am among the people no problem it is in my workplace or somewhere else. Assisting and being in the head of people is in my blood.
Enghirri 3 / 7  
Sep 19, 2020   #2
You need to focus on the leading job you got after graduation, school and college stages are not as important as a real job

Also, you need to work on grammer and punctuation, for example:

When I was at high school, I started my first leading as.

I was selected among three ...

Wish you all the best
Omnia 2 / 4  
Sep 19, 2020   #3
@Ansari01
Hi Ansari!
I read your essay. I should say that the two stories you wrote about are really touching.While I was reading your, I just wanted to continue and see what will you write at the end. However, I got confused soooo many times coz of the punctuation marks and the grammatical mistakes. So try to use any of the grammar checker programs before submitting your work.

More importantly, You have to focus on the leadership in your workplace. The university of course is good and I also wrote about it in my essay, but if you have a professional leadership, try to focus on it. While writing about your leadership skills, try to focus on a problem that you faced, the tasks that you had to do, and the steps you followed to overcome this problem. Here in the essay, you did not mention anything like that.

Hope my feedback help you.
Best of luck .
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Sep 20, 2020   #4
There is a 500 word limit to this essay, so why did you intentionally write 623 words? You should have edited this down to 500 words before having it reviewed as my review, may request you to cut out portions that you may want to keep. You should have presented the 500 word version to me. Anyway, I'll review your work just the same. Just remember to stick to the word count next time. It will make reviewing and editing your paper easier later on.

I believe that unlike the previous Chevening leadership essays I have read here recently, you have a chance of making it past the first round of consideration. However, in order to pass the consideration round you will need to revise a majority of the presentation. You have to focus on developing your leadership profile based on 2 events in your professional life:

- Working for the IEC and being voted one of the Top 10 managers (mentioning your ranking will help)
- Group head for IEC / Data Entry operator

Any instance where you had to handle people and lead them will be beneficial to your application. Focus on how you developed teamwork in the group, resolved conflicts, and encouraged the team to be the best it can be. From the sound of it, you actually have relevant leadership experience. I would be highly interested in reading about that and learning how it might help make you a more viable Chevening candidate.
OP Ansari01 1 / 3  
Sep 20, 2020   #5
@Omnia
A bundle of thanks that you have read my essay and mentioned my mistakes, I try to fine a person to help me rectify my grammatical and pactuation mistakes. If it is possible for you to do that I will be thankful of you as much as possible .

@Holt
Thanks a million for giving me the best and fundamental feedback, I will focus on two point that you mentioned also I will cut down it up to 500 words. May I can send my essays directly to you? for editing or not. For a private service, you may contact us at: essayforum.com@gmail.com


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