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Leadership and Influence - the special touch which leaves an impression inside of human soul

attahdavid 1 / 1  
Sep 13, 2018   #1
Hi everyone I sincerely need someone to critic my Chevening essay

The Power of Leadership and Influence

There is a feeling and a sense of fulfillment that comes with knowing that you have touched another human soul and by it made a lasting impression for good. More so, if your actions had impacted so many.

I was deployed to a Government Technical Training School during my National Youth Service year in Wukari, Taraba State and was assigned to teach Mathematics in the Junior Secondary arm of the school. It was here I discovered leadership qualities I never knew I possessed.

Mother Teresa said, "few of us can do great things, but all of us can do small things with great love". Leadership, in the real sense of it, is noticing a need in the lives of those within your sphere of influence and having the will to go out of your way to meet it. I quickly noticed that they (the students) were seriously lagging behind in their scheme of work and knowledge of the subject. Besides that, I had to deal with their obvious lack of interest and detest for Mathematics. Again, another innate leadership quality, which is accountability and being true to oneself kicked-in. I found myself on a rescue mission counseling them one-on-one, encouraging and motivating them with the first few minutes of every class. I started fixing extra-classes to make-up for lost time and to get them up to speed.

I have come to realize that true acts of leadership must be intentional and selfless. To further heighten their interest and pursuit, I promised an award for the first, second and third overall best students in Mathematics. Seeing that no female student made the cut, I quickly added the best female student to the list of awardees. This award covers the tuition fees of the awardees solely funded by me during my time there. The outcome of this gesture, besides their heightened interest in Mathematics, was that I got the best of them to represent the School in the Annual Cowbell Mathematics Competition.

Words got out and my Zonal Inspector got to know of my work and little scholarship scheme and asked me to write a detailed report of it and to back it up with pictures as proof, saying that I deserve the "state award" (normally given at the end of the service year). Unfortunately, I did not have the presence of mind to have the award presentation photographed. I got a letter of recommendation instead, handed to me by the Deputy Governor of the state.

If there is anything I have going for me, it is the fact that I have been able to replicate this gesture in my current place of work where I teach Basic Technology and Basic Electricity. Some colleagues of mine who felt inspired by it, promised to start giving awards to their best students. Becoming a Chevening Scholar will only help to broaden my horizon and sphere of influence to make more lasting positive impact in my community and country.

Holt [Contributor] - / 6,681 1670  
Sep 14, 2018   #2
Attah, this is an essay that is already usable in its current form. It is complete and truly reflective of your leadership and influencing skills in a manner that will make your application competitive during the screening process. You just need to remove the quote from Mother Teresa as that is only going to distract the reviewer from his focus on reading about your narrative. You need to open that paragraph from the point where you said "I quickly noticed..." because you are not being required to give a quotation about leadership or a definition of leadership. Rather, you are being asked to provide a strong example of how you exemplify leadership and influencing skills within your profession or community service.

Additionally, you don't need to mention that you forgot to take a picture of the awarding ceremony. That is irrelevant. What is important is that you are discussing who gave you the award, what it was called, and when it is awarded. You may want to insert the date of the awarding to that paragraph though. Just in case the reviewer decides to verify your claims, you need to make sure he is properly informed with references. Aside from these slight revisions, the essay is very good in terms of content. The editing should create the final version of your essay.
OP attahdavid 1 / 1  
Sep 18, 2018   #3
@Holt ... Thanks so much for the review and your observations are duly noted and will be effected. Thanks again.

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