Kindly help me get your feedback and comment on my essay.
Leadership and Influence For Chevening Scholarship
To my mind, creating relaxing atmosphere where my colleagues and staff can work harmoniously with well-set objectives, combined with motivation is the leadership skill I understand.
When I joined Maersk Line Myanmar Ltd. in June, 2014, it was a new and very first 100% foreign-owned company, changing from previous Joint Venture enterprise due to productivity and performance issues. The company had to start from scratch. To initiate the company culture with new way of dealing things, mostly new/fresh employees were employed. I was one of them taking responsible for operation and cost control, directly reporting to country manager.
I was welcome with a lot of problems waiting to be solved. There were no clear standard operation procedure. Due to the under-performance of our contracting terminal and Dry Depots, container equipments data were out of control and in a position of not being reliable to assign to customers. Container turn-around time was taking up to 4 months, incurring huge loss to the company. Relationship with our contractors were getting worse as my company tried to handle with strict discipline and compliance as adopted in other well-developed countries. Worst still was that because of the limited supplier of services for terminal, dry depots and truckers, bargaining power was not our side.
Along with the colleague in my operation team, I approached country manager with a proposal to overcome the problems we were facing. I requested him not to stick to the rules in textbooks as it had not produced any fruitful result. My country manager was initially reluctant as it was my first job in liner shipping industry. But relying on background education, he finally assign the task and I seized this opportunity to apply my knowledge and to show my leadership skill.
I arranged with our contractors and tried to pinpoint the problems they were having with regard to the unsatisfactory services delivered to us. I found out that it was not that they were not willing to give good services, it was their lack of skill and understanding of their jobs in an international setting. Rather than hoping something out of the personnel who has nothing, I negotiated with my country manager to arrange workshop at their location. I managed to explain what we really wanted and how they could strive to fulfill it. They were provided with enough time frame and we made ourselves approachable in case some problems arise, so we could discuss and reach to some effective solution. They became co-operative and we managed to establish a relationship which promises solutions to our previous pains.
As a result, our company reduce the dwelling time of vessel as container handling speed from terminal increased. Container mis-picking and trouble to locate the container in the dry port was solved. We saved a lot for depot charge levied on container stay charge by smoothing and speeding up the repositioning.
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Ganesh, you can do away with that opening explanation of your understanding of the definition of leadership. That is totally unnecessary as it removes the attention from the actual response, wastes valuable word count, and does not move your essay forward. In a word limited essay that has to be read by a reviewer who is on a reading quota per day, it is important that you deliver your response immediately before he has time to decide that your application is a waste of time. Clarify the opening sentence of your current second paragraph. I am not sure as to whether you are the one who moved to Maersk after coming from a different company or if Maersk bought into your previous company, or perhaps, something in between happened. Your sentence leaves the reader with a lot of questions because you do not clarify what is what in it.
Aside from those observations, the essay is really good. Even with the grammatical problems, your leadership and influence upon your manager and co-workers is clear. That is what the reviewer will be looking for. Provided he can understand what it is you are trying to say, grammar perfection is not so important. What is important, is that you were able to offer an example of your leadership and influencing skill in a professional setting. Allowances will be made for the imperfect, but coherent grammar presentation.